Leave it to Zoya the Wool Witch to brighten my day, when I was feeling utterly uninspired.

What would you call this?

Winner gets to, um, knit it and wear it in public. Extra brownie points if you manage to figure out WHAT ******* PURPOSE IT SERVES!!!

No purchase necessary. Thank heavens.

I need an explanation. Do these shirts with slitted sleeves have any point? They still expose your arms to the elements, and all that flappy fabric is also a fire hazard, if you ask me.

First of all, all apologies for my prolonged absence. Lack of sleep and a baby who constantly wants to be held have been catching up with me.

Now once again, kids, here we have an example of how a perfectly good concept fails to translate well into reality. Why don’t we just leave the mitered squares for flat objects and all go out for coffee?
No wonder they are giving this pattern out for free.

To my readers - thanks. Knowing you are out there is more helpful than you could possibly imagine.

For dance class, that is.
Wearing legwarmers over skinny jeans? Let’s not pay any attention to the fact that skinny jeans are in themselves an atrocity, but it’s just wrong.
Armwarmers… endless people have already pointed out that if you’re cold enough for armwarmers, why not just wear a sweater? I will not even try to appeal to reason. Armwarmers are just plain fugly. If you can’t understand that, maybe you deserve to be wearing them.

I think I might just be making the legwarmers, though. For dance class!

Garlic mint ice cream. Who could ask for more?

Take the time to look at all 101 frightening ice cream flavors. And if you do happen to think that garlic does belong in dessert:
a. stay away from me please; and
b. check out my dad’s recipe for a dessert that will knock your socks off and keep the vampires away, guaranteed.

I’m going to have some chocolate. Plain.

I want to be the first inchworm to travel to outer space.

And in a creepy, cold sweat, shivers-down-my-spine kind of way, it’s sorta cool.

But it’s scarier than it is cool. I dare you to eat this!

ETA - this is a thorax cake. Apparently, it was quite delicious.

Doesn’t this make you feel like the model is saying “Help! I’m being eaten by a sweater!!!”?

It’s a disposable ice cream scoop! It’s an individual portion chicken soup dispenser! No, it’s a travelmate!!!

Travelmate provides a system which is designated to enable women to pee standing up. Yep. Pee. Standing up. Like guys. Sigmund Freud is having a field day.

Ponchos suck. And they are of those rare things that even putting on deliciously gorgeous people can’t make better.

If I ever want my husband to leave me I will knit him a poncho.

* If you are fed up with me reviewing fugly knits, bear with me. I know that one of these days soon I am going to hit the motherload of snarky crafts and then life will become even more unbearable.