• December 2020
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It is rlly painful. I dunno y r they doing tis to me. I am oso not sure whtr Denise’s tweet was actually refering to me. I dunno wad is gg on now. Y is tis happening to me? I got so many question marks which cannot b ans. I rlly dun wish to go to sch on mon.

Okay… I wont stop them from gossiping abt me but they shld try feeling tis backstabbing pain. It isn’t rlly nice to feel u noe? They even created an ‘Anti-Jassie’ grp in whatsapp. They had gone overboard alrdy. Srsly, I dint even do anything to Denise. Haiz… Y our class is liddat one? Anw, I still can understand coz we r still growing. Thr r still times tht we r immature. :)

This saturday started of with a gloomy day. But when I went for Bible Study class tis afternoon, finally, the pastor said,” if there is smth happening to u recently and someone heard ur cries and stand by ur side to help u and advise u, u r blessed to hav a person who is willing to help u.” Indeed, I am blessed to hav Ernest standing by my side to hear my feelings and advise me. It was as if God sent an angel to me. Oso, today, pastor said tht if u r sad and almost gg to admit defeat, the devil is alrdy in u. Those words rlly impact me. The moment I heard tht, I was thinking just now the devil was attacking me and finally God awaken me with those words. I am rlly happy to see wad is happening on tis saturday. Today, John C Maxwell came to our church to share his testimony. Noah once said ‘a person makes a difference’. This five words reminded me of Ernest again. If he didn’t trust me, I think I wouldn’t b as happy as now. Today, thr is oso a new worship song which was so meaningful. One part says ‘Give me hope. Give me ur hand. Bring me to the highest rock’. I prayed to God so tht a miracle will happen to me on Monday. In Facebook, one of my frens shared a pic which says ‘Despite all tht’s wrong, God has a plan. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.’ Wadever I am gg thru now is wad God is planning for me. I therefore swear tht I will not collapse again. Dun u think wadever tis sat was rlly coincidence? Tis is indeed a wake up call to me. Ofc, I am rlly glad tht I hav a fren who trusted me.:D

My grandfather might be leaving tis world soon. He is lying in the hospital. I see him suffering, I feel like crying. I will miss him so much. Anw, I dunno y I dun feel like gg to sch on mon for sci workshop. It’s like I got a feeling tht the girls will show me those eyes of theirs tht i dun like at all. But, if my mum noes tht I didn’t go for the workshop, I will be dead. I dunno wad to do….

I feel like telling my mum ‘can I go overseas to study? I dun wan to live in tis kind of environment anymore.’ Tis is becoz I dunno how to get along with girls. No girls can trust me anymore unless they rlly do noe tht I am innocent. During recess, I would hide in the toilet, skip break coz I dunno who to sit with. Denise, nicole, crystal and shanae might hav the wrong idea of me now. Sherlyn is a very kind and helpful girl, but I dunno how to communicate with her. Wan yi and sulyn seems a little like ‘i am not involved’. I dun think charmaine, xin yin, joanne, xin an and andrea would ever forgive me. The thing is now is sch holidays alrdy. I dunno whtr the problem will b solved.

I dunno how ppl think abt me but they gone way too far. I dint do anything to denise. I lost trust from my frens. I am rlly rlly rlly rlly sry to charmaine, xin yin, joanne, andrea and xin an. Wadever they think abt me, like boastful or smth. But y is the world so unfair? Nobody trusts me now. I got no frens, except for some in my cca. I feel like crying again but I have to control coz I am at home. I dun wan ernest to noe how I am feeling now too. He is the person I trusted the most but since he was so close to denise and andrea, I think it is btr to stay away from him. I hope they would noe I am rlly a victim. Wad I wanted to tell them earlier on was tis but I dun dare to open my mouth. ‘ I rlly love u peeps, but wadever I had done to u, I hope u rlly forgive me. Stop gossiping at the back of me. I dun rlly like it. U gave me gd memories which I will nvr forget. I will nvr forget wad u had helped me in the past 5-6 months. I hope u rlly forgive me.’

Today, Ivan told me he got smth to tell me and it is a long msg from Andrea to him. Well, I didnt noe tht I am being used. Andrea blames me, she didnt even wans to listen to what I wan to say to her. I am innocent but I just cant understand y they dun understand me. I did nth wrong. I got first in class. I dunno y many ppl noe I am first. Just rite after cca, everybdy came to me, asking me whtr I was first. Then, I heard ppl saying tht I was first in class, selected as a student councillor and was popular among the boys. O can listen the jealousy in it. But I dun understand y they hate me becoz of jealousy. Andrea got 2nd, I noe how she is feeling now, hating me. Ppl say tht I betrayed Andrea and Nicole. I didnt betray the both of them. I cant understand wad ppl were saying. Crystal was talking in the hall and I heard my name. Well, I am lucky to hav teachers and my parents helping me coz they noe I am a victim.

I am gg crazy…… I cried almost every single min, dazed for a moment too. They said I am flirty and boastful. The thing is I agree with boastful but not flirty! The thing is they dunno wad I am thinking now. They dun forgive me is fine. But the thing is I cant get over all these things. They r making me crazy. Fearful of my phone, go crazy when I hear their laughters and even, when I hear reuel’s and victor’s voice, I feel so angry. Xin an made me very very very very very very extremely jealous bntut she is a nice girl. I cant hate her. Today, when leong jie and zi jie were calling me, I dint respond coz I was dazing. Ernest might not noe how I am feeling. I shld say none noes how I am feeling. Coz I dun have true frens. This is retribution. I noe. I rlly HATE myself. I rlly deserve to die. I am keeping everything to myself. I wan someone to help me but I cant. I only talk to u to release my stress. God, I rlly wan u to help me, I have been suffering. I am sorry God…. Please forgive me.

The Best Picture I ever took^^


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