I actually have 2 lists, from the infamous David Letterman (and of course his writers haha, I miss my shows). So the first list, from 1996. Top ten signs you’re in a bad New Year’s Eve party:

10. Champagne is just a mixture of 7-Up and malt liquor

9. To beat the traffic, most people leave when the countdown is “6″

8. At the stroke of midnight, everyone starts doing their taxes

7. You’re pretty sure the drunk next to you is the late Guy Lombardo

6. Everyone has to be back in their own cells by 10:00 PM sharp

5. It’s just you and the automated time-telling lady on the phone

4. Everyone’s speaking whatever language “Auld Lang Syne” is

3. At midnight, your host turns to his girlfriend and screams, “Helen! Release the iguanas!”

2. Passed out in the onion dip is Robert Downey Jr.

1. Macarena! Macarena! Macarena!

And the second list, and I think the top 1 of this one is better haha

10. Brand of champagne: Dom Deluise

9. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl’s pants drop

8. You wake up the next morning wearing a medallion and there’s a note from Al Sharpton that says, “I’ll call you”

7. You hear a guy count down before using the bathroom

6. Joycelyn Elders is there trying to get herself drunk

5. It’s eleven o’clock at night, and you’re watching Roger Ebert play Twister

4. Six times in a row, a champagne cork lodges in your trachea

3. The so-called “Party Hats” are really Letterman’s old hairpieces

2. Everyone’s gathered around the TV watching that geezer from “American Bandstand”

1. It’s over by 9:30

Hahaha! Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to a great 2008, with all its surprises, hopes and blessings. May we only look back at the good things from 2007. Cheers!

Technorati tags: new year, 2008, party, late night, david letterman, top 10

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