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No Pun Intended

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

I was visiting this forum yesterday because a co-worker of mine sent the link to me. This just confirms that humans have nothing to do. Good times though.

The original poster puts THIS at the top of the thread:

"A HUSBAND who used an electrical cord to stimulate his wife during a night of "bizarre love-making" allegedly gave her a deadly shock."

Here comes the best part: The subsequent replies to this post were composed of FANTASTIC puns. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the awesomeness of this thread.

"This news report is shocking."

"But the atmosphere in the thread is electric."

"I’m amped up to try this tonight."

"I’m sure it’ll bring a welcome spark into the bedroom."

Of course, there are some who flat out ruins the fun:

"I bet she found that unBEARable"

Read how they responded to such nincompoopery:

"You ruined it. Don’t post again until you can continue a pun circuit."

Anyway, moving on:

"That’s why women shouldn’t take charge in the bedroom."

"The fact that you guys are making jokes about this tragedy is downright revolting."

"It’s all elementary my dear Wattson" <– response to the top one

"This story is pretty current."

"I think that they should have used a transformer to step down the voltage using inductively-coupled circuits so that the woman wouldn’t have gotten electrocuted to death."

"When I generated this thread I had no idea that the responses would be so electrifying."

"Is anyone else turned on by this?"

OHMg this is too much for me… if you want to see the entire thread, click here

Skeletor Found

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

blog_not_nice

 

kokey23

Contact me.

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Kokey Spotted

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

I hate Kokey.

kokey12

 kokey21

If anyone is looking for a missing Kokey, contact me.

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Clowning Around

Monday, February 11th, 2008

The hardest part about being a clown, it seems to me, would be that you’re constantly referred to as a clown.

"Who was that clown?"

"I’m not working with that clown, did you hire that clown?"

"The guy’s a clown!"

"All he can do is clown around, he’s a nobody!"

How do you even start into being a clown? How do you know that you want to be a clown? Well, I guess you get to a point where you’re pants look so bad, it’s actually easier to become a clown than having the proper alterations done. Because if you think about it, a clown, if there isn’t a circus around them, is really just a very annoying person. You’re in the back seat of this guy’s Beetle and you go, "What, you’re picking somebody else up? Oh man! There’s 16 of us here already!"

 

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Happy New Year!

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

Pig Out!

Rock Out!

But don’t you ever, ever blow your fingers out. :D

Paskow

Monday, December 24th, 2007

Well, in a few scant hours, Christmas will be upon us - the holiday that has stirred the imagination of millions of children worldwide and has lulled many people into doing good even for a few short days.

What I don’t understand is why do people, with the sudden surge of Christmasy Spirit, turn into semi-saints ready to help one and all? Why can’t they be like that the whole year round? Does Christmas spur a spirit of hypocrisy that has become so ingrained within our society?

I sincerely hope not.

I don’t want to be Sanriotown’s resident Scrooge so Happy Holidays, everyone!

P.S. You’re all sheep!

It IS Time To ROCK OUT

Thursday, November 22nd, 2007

I made a new blog, The Rock Out. Do not be alarmed, Typecats will continue to poison you with useless crap. :D

“The Rock Out cometh”

I couldn’t think of anything to put…

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

I’m a huge, huge, huge Guild Wars player. So huge that I left World of Warcraft so I could focus fulltime on playing Guild Wars. Well, not really fulltime because I have a life and I love the warmth of the sun surrounding me from time to time. hahaha. Anyway, after sniffing around in Nanao’s blog, I tried to search for good Guild Wars cosplayers. Here’s some good ones that I found:

She’s cosplaying a Ritualist, a caster class that summons spirits to aid in battle. Think of it as a “summoner” in Guild Wars. They cover their eyes so they can “see” the spirits clearly and have a strong bond with them. Here’s the in-game look of the Ritualist.

Nice, isn’t it? :D

Thanks to Adamoluna for her amazing cosplay. You can check out her deviantart page too.

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GOLD

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

I noticed that I’ve been putting Seinfeld stuff recently. Can you really blame me? Can you really condemn me for putting Seinfeld stuff for the past week or so? The show’s funny! There’s no denying it.

Anyway, I stumbled upon some Seinfeld scripts. This one is from “The Glasses” - an episode where George lost his glasses.

Okay, a little backstory here: Jerry is seeing this girl Amy. Also, George is messed up because he lost his glasses in the gym locker room. One afternoon, Jerry, George and Elaine went to an optical shop so George can try on some frames. A guy walks in with a dog. The dog gets frisky and bites Elaine’s leg. Aaahhh I can’t tell it, you might as well read it:

(A man with a dog enters the store)
ELAINE: Hi there, little doggy. (to owner:) Do you mind if I pet your dog?
DOG OWNER: It’s okay with me.
ELAINE: Hey little doggy. (Elaine pets the dog and he bites her) Aaah!
DWAYNE: Hey, you can’t have that dog in here.
(The man leaves the store taking his dog with him)
JERRY: Are you okay? Did he bite ya?
GEORGE: Can you believe that guy?
ELAINE: I’m okay, it’s just a nip.
GEORGE: He just walked away! And once again I’m standing here like a little man. Well not this time! (George leaves the store and follows the dog owner) You! Dog man!
(George, without his glasses, squints and it looks like he sees something interesting. He enters the store again)
ELAINE: My leg looks pretty bad.
JERRY: Oh I’m gonna take you over to the emergency room.
ELAINE: Okay.
JERRY: (To George:) Hey, any luck? Did you catch ‘em?
GEORGE: Uuh, no, no.
JERRY: All right, I’m gonna take Elaine over to the hospital.
GEORGE: (In a really strange way) Good, good, do that.
JERRY: What’s the matter?
GEORGE: Oh, no, nothing.
JERRY: What is it?
GEORGE: I can’t tell you.
ELAINE: (pulling on Jerry’s pants from the ground) Jerry, can we go?
JERRY: Yeah, yeah, in a second, in a second. (And to George:) What do you mean you can’t tell me?
GEORGE: I can’t tell you, don’t ask.
JERRY: I’m asking!
ELAINE: Jerry, my leg.
JERRY: Yeah, yeah, take care of it. (Jerry throws her some toilet paper) Come on, George, what is it?
GEORGE: I saw Amy making out with your cousin Jeffrey.
JERRY: What?
GEORGE: They were right outside!
JERRY: Amy and Jeffrey?
GEORGE: Yes!
JERRY: Are you sure?
GEORGE: Yes, positive.
JERRY: But you can’t see, there’s no lenses in those frames.
GEORGE: I know! I was squinting.
ELAINE: Okay, listen, Jerry, you just catch up with me okay? You can just follow the trail of blood.
JERRY: We’re gonna have to talk about this later. (Elaine holds the door open for Jerry while holding her leg) Thank you. Taxi!

The scene moves to the hospital where they continue the discussion of “Squinting George”

ELAINE: Oh, come on. Cousin Jeffrey? It’s not possible!
JERRY: Why not? They could have met. She loves the park, he works for the Parks Department.
ELAINE: Jerry, that is so ridiculous. But, George didn’t even have his glasses on!
JERRY: But he was squinting.
ELAINE: So what? Squinting doesn’t make that much of a difference.
JERRY: Are you kidding? I’ve seen ‘em squint. He can squint his way down to like twenty, thirty vision. Once we were driving down from the Catskills and he lost his glasses. He squinted his way from Wortsborough down to the Tappan Zee Bridge! He was spotting raccoons, on the road!
DOCTER: Okay.
ELAINE: Okay? That’s it? I don’t need a shot?
DOCTER: Not shot, dog bite.
ELAINE: No, no, no. I know I wasn’t shot. Do I need a shot?
DOCTER: Not shot, dog bite. Woof woof, not bang bang.
(the doctor exits the hospital room; Jerry and Elaine are shocked)

And lastly, Jerry confronts George about his accusation on Amy:

[Jerry’s apartment]
JERRY: I was an idiot for listening to you!
GEORGE: Hey, I saw what I saw.
JERRY: Ooh, everything was going so well. She hadn’t seen any flaws in me. Now she sees a side.
GEORGE: What side?
JERRY: A bad side, an ugly side.
GEORGE: Ooh, so what?
JERRY: So what? I wasn’t planning on showing that side for another six months. Now you make me throw off the whole learning curve.
GEORGE: Why don’t you just ask Jeffrey?
JERRY: Ah, he’d just deny it.
GEORGE: There must be some way to find out.
JERRY: Amy said nothing happened.
GEORGE: What, you’re gonna take her word over mine? I’m your best friend!
JERRY: Yeah, but you’re blind as a bat!
GEORGE: I was squinting! Remember that drive from Wortsborough? (snapping his fingers) I was spotting those raccoons.
JERRY: They were mailboxes, you idiot. I didn’t have the heart to tell you.
GEORGE: (noticing something) Hey look, a dime.
(George walks over to the other end of the room and picks up a dime)
GEORGE: Heh, Mercury head. You mind?
JERRY: (Stunned:) No, keep it. (Elaine enters the apartment) Hey what happened to you? You buzzed five minutes ago.
ELAINE: There was a dog in front of the building and it spooked me. I couldn’t come in until he left.
JERRY: A little white dog?
ELAINE: Yeah.
JERRY: Snowball? You were afraid of Snowball?
ELAINE: I’m afraid of dogs now.
JERRY: He’s like a squirrel.
ELAINE: Well he frightened me.
GEORGE: Did you get the shot?
ELAINE: No. He said I didn’t need a shot.
GEORGE: You got bit by a strange dog and you didn’t get a rabies shot?
ELAINE: What, you think I should have?
(George indicates ‘yes’)
JERRY: You know, you should just go back to the optical store and ask Dwayne if he knows the name of the owner of the dog.
ELAINE: All right, that’s a good idea. I’m gonna do that.
(Kramer enters the apartment)
GEORGE: All right, let me just… I’m gonna grap an apple.
JERRY: Hey, Kramer, Elaine’s afraid of Snowball!
KRAMER: Little Snowball? He runs on batteries!
(George takes a bite out of an onion)
ELAINE: You know, George, that’s an onion.
GEORGE: Yes it is.
(And he takes another bite)
ELAINE: He couldn’t tell an apple from an onion and he’s your eye witness?
GEORGE: I saw them making out, you can believe it.
JERRY: I don’t know what to believe! You’re eating onions, you’re spotting dimes, I don’t know what the hell is going on.
KRAMER: Look, all you gotta to do, is get Amy and Jeffrey together somewhere, that’s it.
JERRY: Hey wait a second, wait a second. I’m going over to Jeffrey’s apartment tomorrow night to pick up these Paul Simon tickets. I’m gonna surprise Amy. All I gotta do is bring her with me. And then when Jeffrey opens the door, it’s Howdy Doody time.
KRAMER: Right this way, mister Doody!
GEORGE: (crying from the onion) You’ll see I’m right.

My Heroes

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

All of us have dreams when we were kids. The kind of ambition that enriched our dreams and spurred us to choose paths that (we think) would take us closer to that goal. When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to write and make music (and play video games but that’s already a given). Well, I fulfilled the latter during high school and college when I became an underground legend. As for the writing… well, I’m writing now but it’s not exactly the way I always pictured it to be. I guess there was a little bamboozling involved but no one knows. When I was in a band, sure I wrote some of our material (it was more of a group thing). Anyway, for today’s post, I decided to post my heroes (musically of course): bands that really captured my admiration and attention and I still listen to today. I also included sample lyrics and a link to their video. It may not necessarily be the same song as the lyrics.

 

A Static Lullaby http://youtube.com/watch?v=cfdSwcvWDwE

 

“The Shooting Star That Destroyed Us All”
A star up in the sky
A Poem to the dead
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can not inhale the sparkle of your voice
A star up in the sky
A Poem to the dead
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can not inhale the sparkle of your voice
Let me walk on high wire of rusty nails
While barefoot shedding the flesh of our existence
I wanted to break the fall
A star up in the sky
A poem to the dead
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can not inhale the sparkle of your voice

Now’s the time
Now’s the time
The more I try
The more I lose
But today
Will you remember me ?
But today
Will you remember me ?
But today
Your eyes

 
They shine
Walking home
Street lights go out

A star up in the sky
A poem to the dead
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can not inhale the sparkle of your voice

 

Rise Against http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yq0FM-cAVj8

 

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end,
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand
I’ve been here so long, I think that it’s time to move
The winter’s so cold, summer’s over too soon
Let’s pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I’ve got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we’ve had some times, I wouldn’t trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end,
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand….until you hold my hand
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end,
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand

 

Straylight Run http://youtube.com/watch?v=E8E0Afc7Heg

 

“Existentialism On Prom Night”
When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,
There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we’re keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,
Sing like you think no one’s listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this
Sing like you think no one’s listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would…
Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we’re glad for what we’ve got,
Done with what we’ve lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,
Sing like you think no one’s listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,
Sing like you think no one’s listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would….
Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.

 

Saosin (pronounced Say-Ocean) http://youtube.com/watch?v=uhD8WnBQQIw

 

“You’re Not Alone”
It’s just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching for any sign
Of the ones he used to love..
He says he’s got nothing left to live for
(He says he’s got nothing left…)
And this time I think you’ll know..
You’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
She’s just like him
Spoiled rotten
Confused by the lies she’s been fed
And she’s searching for no one..
(But herself)
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she is here
And this time I think you’ll know…
You’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
You’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(There is more to know)
We’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell..
(So tell me)
You’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(Make it out)
You will live to tell
(Live to tell)
You’re not alone
There is more to this, I know
(And I know)
You can make it out
You will live to tell..
You are not alone.
You’re not, you’re not alone.

 

Thrice http://youtube.com/watch?v=IDzl6ZQpSOo

 

“The Artist In The Ambulance”
Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can’t stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up
And I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white
They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone
Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger
And I realize that empty words are not enough
I’m left here with the question of just
What have I to show except the promises I never kept?
I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets
[Chorus:]
I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound
Look around and you’ll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
It gets me down but I’m still gonna try to do what’s right, I know that there’s
A difference between sleight of hand, and giving everything you have
There’s a line drawn in the sand, I’m working up the will to cross it and
[Chorus]
Rhetoric can’t raise the dead
I’m sick of always talking when there’s no change
Rhetoric can’t raise the dead
I’m sick of empty words, let’s lead and not follow
Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can’t stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the
Greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
They’ve given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance
[Chorus]
Can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound

 

Rufio http://youtube.com/watch?v=jCkEj-6dpQw

 

“White Lights”
honestly, with the things i’ve seen
it seems as though we fly
stories go, stories leave
they imprint on my mind
be honest, we’ll be afraid
falling, over again
time is wasted and gone
life is passing on again
the white lights leading you on
is this the end?
so this is what you want to be
held too close for eyes to see
your fantasy, turn to misery
be honest, but be afraid
falling, over again
time is wasted and gone
life is passing on again
the white lights leading you on
is this the end?
i can’t see what’s on your mind
all i know’s you’re bored again
In existence you will find
while you’re alive
time is wasted and gone
life is passing on again
the white lights leading you on
is this the end?
time is wasted and gone
life is passing on again
the white lights leading you on
is this the end…

 

AFI (A Fire Inside) http://youtube.com/watch?v=W3wH6y6-768

 

“Endlessly, She Said”
Walked into our world and made horrible sounds.
I can still hear them today. Strangely, they seem
beautiful now though they outlast my love.
Still, each time I always meant
every word, every one.
Though, in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word.
“I will wait for you”,
she said, “endlessly”.
“I will wait for you.”
So spoke misery.
I returned to you but found my empty home.
The radio told me to stay. As it burned down I sang alone.
You will outlast my love.
Still, each time I always meant
every word, every one.
Though, in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word.
“I will wait for you”,
she said, “endlessly”.
“I will wait for you.”
So spoke misery.
Oh…
I have been waiting for you,
biting as you taught me to.
I have come to relieve you
of life and love.
I will wait for you.
I will wait for you.
I will wait for you.
I will wait.
(I will wait)
“I will wait for you”,
(I will wait)
she said, “endlessly”.
“I will wait for you.”
(I will wait)
So spoke misery.
“I will wait for you, wait for you,
endlessly.”
“I will wait for you.”
So spoke, so spoke
misery.
And I will bite
Straight through…
As I wait for you
Dear… Endlessly

 

Coheed & Cambria http://youtube.com/watch?v=BsgOl-vedtA

“Neverender”
when you’ve gone about things all wrong
bury them here,
with the lifetime you would never regret
in savoring sleep,
what do you mean i toss
and turn everywhere?
i’ll miss you when you’re gone
in pretending that you meant
the world to me
with that you’d call me a liar
and in the making mistakes
you’ll rest incomplete
(i’ll be home) in graver mistakes dear mom and dad,
i write you in this letter (i’ll be moving on) that states
when the new days begun (new days begun)
forget your son when he’s out on his own
when the hand reads 7:30
and your night begins to sink
in the short but faster fall
anxious but calm retort
to a mirror that frames your face
baring the finest swell
when the day begins to break
like the tears that run across your cheek
stand straight and imagine you then
in the things and the way they could have been
when the thoughts they race across your chin
here in the Neverend
(i’ll be home) in graver mistakes dear mom and dad,
i write you in this letter (i’ll be moving on) that states scratched through
when the new days begun (new days begun)
forget your son when he’s out on his own
point your gun in another direction
now that you’ve cried yourself to sleep
point your gun in another direction
now that you’ve cried yourself to sleep
here in there after the fire
(before you walk home) peace and figuring will he be home again?
(signal loss and stereo) with wide open windows will she be waiting for
(the sounds surround the overpass) with severed arm placement when the day’s dark, old and dead
(a dead man against you) we’ll write her a letter with long time passing
(i’ll be home) in graver mistakes dear mom and dad,
i write you in this letter (i’ll be moving on) that states
when the new days begun (new days begun)
don’t forget son when he’s out on his own
point your gun in another direction
now that you’ve cried yourself to sleep
point your gun in another direction
now that you’ve cried yourself to sleep
here in there after the fire
after the fire
(i’ll be home to say i love you and i’ll be moving on)
and I’ll be bigger
and I’ll be bigger

 

There you go. I’m sharing a piece of my soul here. hahaha. if you want to be “re-educated” through “miseducation”, leave me a message and you’ll embark on a musical journey you won’t soon forget.