I’ve retired from the whole rockstar thing. I’m content with the whole dork lifestyle: gaming, comicsand pizza. Yum. While I was in the train this morning, I got a text message from a friend of mine since college. I was surprised because he RARELY texts me.

“Hey dude, you still rock out? I’m forming a band. You want in?”

“Umm I’m kinda retired now. What’s the sound?”

“Well, we just want to try our luck at covering some of the new Coheed & Cambria stuff just for fun. So, you in?”

“We’ll see how it pans out. Sounds AMAZING though. Let’s rock out.”

Looks like I’m back in the game. Problem is, I don’t kow how I’m gonna squeeze rocking out into work, gaming, and well… sleeping.

As Gustaf Graves said “You can sleep when you’re dead.”

Apeer.

I am always amazed at how Americans can have THAT many grammatical stumbles in English. I mean, thats their first language! unbelievable and pretty amusing. hehe

“Im hungry to”

“This is Theres.”

hehe.

However, that’s not what the blog’s about.

The sheer amout of stuff that Americans don’t know is STAGGERING; ranging from common knowledge to stuff about their government to pretty much anything else.

It’s just….

SAD

I’m not bashing Americans. Not really. I guess the reason why I find the following clips funny is how ironic stuff can be: Americans pride themselves for being a SUPERPOWER of SUPERPOWERS (if there is such a thing) even if the stocked knowledge of the average of their populace is questionable.

Anyway. If they did this stuff here in the Philippines, there would be an equal showing of misinformed people but hey what you rather enjoy watching: a country that sits atop the “food chain” whose people are being made fun of or a country who just floats by with corruption issues and is ruled by an impotent government? I’d go with the first.

Also, I FIRMLY believe that Jay Leno’s “Jay Walking” is not scripted. Check it out:

 It’s just sad how Bob Dole’s stern belief in his people got shot down. oh well.

Here’s another:

GG

Ever had the feeling of being spread too thinly and you wish you could be everywhere at once? I think everyone would agree with me that as gamers, we wish that we could be playing all the GOOD games at once because being hooked on one game ultimately means that you can’t spend sufficient time playing the others. You can’t help yourself because you’re having too much fun… and who could blame you? 

November is proving to be a very, very, very, very trying month for me and I’m not even at the halfway point of it. As you may or may not know, I’m already a proud owner of a Wii, a behemoth of a PC rig and of course, a PS2 (which has stood by me for 5 years. God bless his stout heart). You may not understand the plight I’m in so let me illustrate it for all you good people of cyberspace: For the PC, I’m playing Timeshift. For the Wii, I’m juggling Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess, Battalion Wars 2, Super Mario Galaxy, heck, squeezing in a couple of minutes for Wii Sports is an arduous task as it is. For the PS2, I’m rocking out with Guitar Hero 3, Smackdown vs Raw 2008 and taking the Bulls to the coveted championship in NBA 2k8 (GO BULLS!). Come on, HOW THE HECK DO I FIND TIME FOR ALL OF THESE AWESOMELY AWESOME GAMES?!

Deciding to buy more than one gaming system is like deliberating whether to have an affair with another woman. In the end, the shit will hit the fan and it’s all going to blow up in your face and you’ll end up with unfinished games and a feeling of missing out. Worst of all, I haven’t logged on to Guild Wars for almost a week now.

Think of it this way, I’m married to my PS2 and I’m having an affair with the Wii and as a result, my kids (Guild Wars) is being left out. A kid’s gotta have a daddy!

*cries*

INTENSITY 

Why do they call it “fingers”? I’ve never seen them fing…

=/

Think about this for a sec: Women know exactly what men want and they don’t have a hard time enticing men into their web. Right? What do men want? Well… I don’t want to write them here but you know what I mean. Men on the other hand, don’t know the first thing about what women want. Do they want you to be funny? Mysterious? Direct? Witty? Suave? Debonaire? Jewelry? Smart Fashion? No one knows. Men go through extreme lengths to try to impress women. That’s why we (the men) are building bridges, raising buildings, shoot ourselves to the moon, create music, make movies, go to the gym… I bet you when Neil Armstrong came back from the moon, he came up to a woman and said “So… did you see me up there?”

Body odor is such a touchy subject: it can make or break prospective love interests, it can totally ruin your rapport among friends and family, and finally, it can be a running theme for gag jokes during your birthday (getting deodorant for your birthday is NOT cool).

Essentially, body odor is a completely useless human “feature”. It serves no purpose and ultimately, it sends a message that if you move, you stink. You go to the gym to better yourself, you stink. Nervous on a first date? You will most definitely stink. Terrible right?

What if body odor, instead of smelling like an old attic with a dead raccoon inside, smelled like roses, or jasmine or even smell like freshly cooked rice with pandan leaves? The whole world would be a much, much wonderful place if body odor benefitted you instead of condeming you to be a social pariah. People would be flocking stores in search of ODORIZERS and PERSPIRANTS (axe and secret and old spice would make a KILLING with these products).

Well, hell would freeze before this would ever happen so… here’s to wishing.

Gather ’round, kiddies, for I will tell you the story of the dreaded “Man-Nami”. The Man-Nami is a dreaded combination of physics, flesh and bone, and utter inconsideration. Yes, such a thing exists. Fortunately, it can only be located in one location: Cubao. Cubao is the land of the lawless, NO MAN’S LAND. Sure it may have good things such as malls and bargains and such but it is also a breeding place of malice and destruction. Located in the Cubao part of Edsa (the main artery of the Metro) is the “Temple of the Damned” where the Man-Nami takes place every 5 minutes or so from 8am to maybe around 10am and 6pm to 10pm. The Temple is so evil that any innocent commoner is converted once he/she reaches the topmost area of the edifice. All humanity and respect is left behind and greed, and rage takes over. Why would such a terrible thing happen you ask? Well, “City Wurm” or MRT for short transports people to certain points of the city. Commuters such as myself see the wurm as a boon for it bypasses the clogged veins of the city, ensuring a speedy trip. The trade-off (yep all good things have trade-offs) is that the wurm MUST pass through the temple. Now, think this through: with the temple brimming with people with a 28 days later-esque zombie determination who are also in need of transportation, it’s safe to assume that once the wurm (which is probably swelling with passengers has almost no room for more people already) arrives, it’s EVERY MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, OLD PERSON, PARAPLEGIC, DISABLED, WHITE/BLUE/POPPED/NO COLLAR FOR HIMSELF/HERSELF. At that exact point, the Man-Nami appears and no one is safe. 

Unless you’re prepared.

With my unparalleled experience when it comes to riding the wurm, I have drawn albeit crudely a diagram that, IF FOLLOWED and UNDERSTOOD CORRECTLY, will ensure safety from the Man-Nami. Be prepared, the Man-Nami is as brutal as it is fast so one should prepare ahead of time and strategize. The most important thing to remember when riding the wurm is WHERE you’re getting off. One must position himself/herself so that it will ensure close proximity to the door. Don’t get it? Take a look at this:

Here’s the lowdown: The red lines indicate the flow of the man-nami and they usually converge in the middle and there it will end. You should NEVER be in the middle unless you’re getting off at one of the last 3 stops. If you’re getting off 1/2/3/4 stops AFTER cubao, you should stay in the numbered areas for they will ensure a direct route to the coveted exit. Train location knowledge is really important because it will help you adapt during an emergency.  

Why am I doing this? Let’s just say you don’t want to end up in a shouting match with an inconsiderate lout at 8.30 in the morning.

Ta.

I commute a lot, there’s no hiding that fact. I’ve come to love traveling through the arteries of the metro on public transportation. It’s fun, educational, adventurous and sometimes scary but exhilarating nonetheless. More often than not, I see or hear things that no owner of a private vehicle encounters, stuff that only a commuter experiences such as a crazy bus driver from hell, a shout-out inside the metro train, a jeepney driver with arm, or maybe a nun picking her nose. Those are the kinds of things that are fun and entertaining. I say fun too many times. Anyway, my post today is not about superheroes or idol musicians. No, today my post is about unsung heroes you find on the road. No, not roadkill.

INSTEAD.

The heroes I’m talking about are the courteous people you find in the train. People who don’t push other people so they can get in. People who actually MAKE ROOM so that other people can get off the train. Ah, it’s such a nice feeling to run into these people for it makes commuting a lot more bearable. The other day, usual mrt day, of course, every mrt passenger cringes everytime the train is about to stop at Cubao Station because in this station, all humanity is thrown out the window. The concept of man, woman and child are alien to people here. Here, it’s every man for himself. Push or die. Ride or wait. Okay sure, everyone is in a hurry to get to where ever they need to be but that does not give you the right to push and squeeze beyond imagination. It’s retarded really.

SO ANYWAY.

Train left quezon ave and we were already packed like a Snoop Dogg concert but it was still bearable. Of course, come Cubao avenue, everyone braces for the worst. To my surprise, the ones near the door, whom i like to call “the frontline” - the only thing standing in between the cubao people and the people inside the train, didn’t budge! They were like “pare, puno na. next train na kayo.” They were actually HOLDING OFF the people just attempting to get in. Of course, it was really already tight inside. All i could do to thank the frontliners was laugh a little inside, thinking how much guts it took to tell those people that “chong wala na talaga” and still hold their place. Amazing.

God Bless You, Sirs.