A fish out of water is fish nonetheless — although dying.

- Some guy

When you take fish out of water and place them in your cupped palms, slowly drying up, they will jolt and quiver their bodies to get out. They will jump out of your hands and willingly let themselves fall into whatever waits for them down below. They’re absolutely uncertain of what they will fall on or into when they leap off: it could be cold marble flooring; dry, painful sand; or perhaps water, the same water that they were taken from.

Fish are admirable. They know they will die when they’re taken out of their nature, and though their lives are at even more risk when they jump off the hands that caught them, they still take that big leap — most of them die quicker and more painfully, but others find themselves back in the water that nourishes them.

Risks are a funny thing: you’ll never know the outcome unless you try it and yet, at the back of your mind, you know that there is a high chance of crashing and burning and yet the one image of you gloriously standing tall, arms raised in victory spurs you on. You’ll give everything for that one goal. You’ll gnaw and fight and claw and scrape your way to achieving that one thing that will make you eternally happy. Who knows what the future holds? All one can do is pray and wish and sacrifice and love and sacrifice some more and hope that it doesn’t go unnoticed.

I’m not saying that you have to put up an act. No no. Instead you choose to sacrifice and fight because you know it your heart that it IS the right thing to do and that you do it not for recognition and fame but for the fact that it is real and true.

“Give me cushion just enough to break my fall.”

- Claudio Sanchez

HOW DOES HE DO IT??!!
First HEATHER LOCKLEAR and now…

Jenna Fischer!!!
…wowza.

funny guys = win

Don’t you hate it when people butcher and maim another person’s (especially YOURS) name? Be it spelling or even worse, pronounciation, the only thing that can be butcherd is MEAT. Let’s see:

John = Jan

Jeffrey = Jepri

Melvin = Melbin

Steve = Stib

Kev = Keb

Fruit = Frewt

Mufasa = Mupasa

Ernest = Ehrnest

Walter = Waltehrrrr

Or sometimes, parents just combine two names to form one ridiculously deformed name…

Willy + Jonavin (a combo in itself) = Wilvin

Jhoanna + Evelyn (a tita perhaps?) = Jhoannavelyn

Josephine + Eric = Joerhic

Jessa + Edmund = Jesmund

Larry + Susan = Larrisan

Jessie + Fely = Jesfel

But nothing can beat…

*drumroll*

The most butchered of all names…

Murphy = Merpy

It’s perfect!

“San kayo galing?”

“Kina Merpy”

What’s worse is if they shorten it.

Merpy = Merp

GG.

I was listening to 102.7 on the way to work (Note: I never listen to the radio. I was just… skimming) and they had this segment called Stardinas. I think that’s the part of the show where they prank-call people. So in this particular episode, they call up the wife of one of the workers there and boy did they pull the rug from under her.

“Ah goodmorning po, pwede po kay Christine blah blah? Ako po si  blahblah from blahblah hotel.”

“Ako ‘to. Tungkol saan ba ito?”

“Kaano-ano nyo po si Marvin blahblah?”

“Asawa ko.”

“Ah. Kasi po, nung December 29, nagcheck in po siya sa hotel na ito. Umalis lang po siya sandali at may kasama po siyang babae. Umabot po yung bill niya ng 7,000 pesos. Nag-iwan po siya ng promisary note pero hanggang ngayon di pa rin siya nagbabayad. Kailangan po nya i-settle ang bill ngayong araw bago mag alas diyes.”

(it was around 8.30 in morning then)

At this point, the woman is SILENT. I thought she fainted or was just so full of rage. Unbeknownst to her, this is all a gag.

A very SICK gag.

I didn’t know what the outcome of the story was because I was near the office already. I was yelling at the radio “Tanga, bawiin mo na yung joke mo! Di na nakatutuwa yan!”

Anyone else caught that this morning?

Tell me what happened!

I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills.

Conversational Distance.

Don’t you hate these people that talk to you that talk into your mouth like you’re a clown at a drive-through?

Hand shakes are the worst: there’s absolutely no guidelines for hand shakes… you know these people? It’s either too long, too weak, sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake just the fingers, early release, late release, sometimes people will dispute your release, you let go and they’re hangin’ on.

I have actually said to people “Hey the handshake is over!”

Too many pumps

Coming in too high

Too sweaty

Coming from too far away

Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too close conversation. To him I say “That’s three strikes you’re out.”

“Best invention since ’sliced bread’” is probably the most abused cliche in the history of abusing and/or cliches. On my way to work, I was wondering if sliced bread is THE best invention ever. I highly think not!

10. Plumbing

Plumbing has offered human society with the kitchen sink (Thus the often used ‘…everything but the kitchen sink’. Without it, society would crumble without using this expression.), the shower, bathtubs, sewers (without sewers, what would be the use of intense cops and robbers chases?), and of course, the all-glorious toilet.

9. The Laser

Come on… lasers! t is today at the core of consumer products from CD players to laser printers. Plus, it’ll be the bread and butter of towering mechs, robots and the weapon of choice for wars of the future.

8. The LazyBoy

Need I say more?

7. The Automobile

Once cars were invented, roads were improved. Once roads were improved, cities sprouted suburbs, because people could now live in the country, yet work in the city. And thus we have become a nation of sprawl, rather than density.  Furthermore, as cars grew popular, the oil industry boomed.  Oil became a key to power and wealth–and one of the major factors for political and economic unrest in the Middle East. And here we are today. Aren’t cars fun?

6. The Phone

Hello? Is anyone home? Don’t you agree that the phone is a cornerstone of human achievement?  You do! Yay!

The ability to talk to someone from miles a way? That idea was unheard of and often desired before the entire concept of the telephone was even birthed.

Bye bye, beautiful.

5. The Lasagna

Italians rejoice! Their pride and joy (lasagna > spaghetti) of pasta has made this list! Mwahahahahaha.

The meat.

The sauce.

The al dente-ness of the pasta

Did I mention the sauce?

I just made Garfield proud.

4. The Comic Book

The X-Men, Batman, Wolverine, Spawn, Spiderman, Captain America, Iron Man…

These are just some of the most prominent names that the comic book has given birth to.

Comic books have enriched the lives and imaginations of kid, adults and the kids-at-heart.

Seeing multi-colored spandexed people fighting bad guys has never been such a beautiful sight.

3. Bumming Around

Seinfeld, NBA, Heroes, The OC, Oprah, HBO, Star Movies, My Name is Earl, Movies, Die Hard on DVD, Video Games, Laserdisc, DVD, Betamax, VHS, sitcoms, Bill Cosby, HD TV, Playstation 3, Wii, Super Mario, Yummy yummy couch, bean bags….

God Bless the man bum pioneer.

2. The Electric Guitar

Oh come one, didn’t you think that a lil’ ‘ol musician such as myself would not include something as glorious as an electric guitar would not include this list now, would you? So anyway, without this, there’d be no heavy metal, no metallica, no rage against the machine, no great nights jumping around in my underwear singing the most rockingest songs and *gasp* no Coheed & Cambria.

1. The Computer

OH.COME.ON.

*THIS IS NOT A RACIST RANT*

I think the thing I admire most about the Chinese is that they’re hanging in there with the chopsticks. Because, if you think about it, you know, they’ve seen the fork… by now. I’m sure they’ve seen the spoon, they’re going,

“Yeah, yeah, they’re OK… We’re going to stay with the sticks.”

I mean, I don’t know how they’ve missed it: thousands of years ago, Chinese farmer gets up, has his breakfast with the chopsticks, goes out and works all day in the field with a shovel… Hello?… Shovel! Not going out there ploughing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues, now are ya?

I love it when people are complimented on something they’re wearing and they accept the compliment as if it was about them.

“Nice tie.”

“Well, thank you. Thank you very much.”

The compliment is for the tie, it’s not for you, but we take it. That’s kind of the job of clothes; to get compliments for us, because it’s very hard to get compliments based on your human qualities. Right? Let’s face it, no matter how nice a person you are, nobody’s gonna come say:

“Hey, nice person.”

It’s much easier to be a jerk-off and just try and match the colours up. Right?

I can’t believe I stood for around 25 minutes in Quezon Ave. which was brimming with anxious commuters like myself. It was so packed that they even prevent entry because the station can’t take no mo’. To fan the flames further, all the trains that arrived at the station were PACKED… as in talagang PACKED. So it was kinda pointless and yet people kept shoving and pushing.

Man, elbowing other people never felt so good.

It took 7 trains to pass before I could get on one. Mother of God…  Maybe, if they made the trains stop at every other station, maybe it’d be less of a hassle, plus, the turnover will be quicker. Diba? Diba? Diba?

Eto pa…

When we hit Cubao station, we were fighting for air insides (which means there was NO ROOM). When people tried to get in, the passengers inside weren’t budging (naturally). And then, in a show of utter lack of poise and consideration one kept shouting out…

“Ok lang yan, babalik ‘tong tren na ‘to!”

How uncalled for is that? That’s the problem with us Pinoys - we laugh at the face of adversity and do nothing about it. Do we just leave our problems to fate and not deal with it? Instead of dealing with the problem of shoving and pushing by making low-brow, uncalled-for remarks, why don’t we just suck it up and act like civil human beings? Dang.

On chairs:

It seems like whenever these office people call you in for a meeting, the whole thing is about the sitting down.

“I would really like to sit down with you.”

“I think we need to sit down and talk.”

“Why don’t you come in, and we’ll sit down.”

Well, sometimes the sitting down doesn’t work. People get mad at the sitting.

“You know, we’ve been sitting here for I don’t know how long.”

“How much longer are we just going to sit here?”

I’ll tell you what I think we should do. I think we should all sleep on it. Maybe we’re not getting down low enough. Maybe if we all lie down, then our brains will work.

On divorce:

The whole concept of being separated to me is strange, it’s like you’re engaged to be divorced.

“We’re gonna try making not being together work. First we were separated, then we met, then we were together, now we are gonna try being separated again. We actually think some kind of giant rubber band might be the best solution.”

 ’Course when you were a kid in school you would get separated for having too good of a time:

“If you two kids don’t stop laughing and having fun i’m gonna have to separate you.”

And then the kid finds out his parents are breaking up and he thinks it’s because they got caught fooling around, which is probably true.

On waking up:

One thing I love is when you’re in the middle of a dream, and the alarm goes off. You incorporate the sound of the alarm into the dream, so you can keep sleeping. And you’ll make any adjustment in the dream to do it. I was with Marie Antoinette in a dream last night, and she was on the guillotine, the blade came down, her head fell into the basket, it rolled over and and overwhelming ringing sound came out of her mouth. And, then I thought, “That is not my alarm going off. This is actually happening.”

I need a hobby.