A man was getting into the shower just as his wife was finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rang. The wife quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran downstairs. When she opened the door, there stood Bob, the next-door neighbor. Bob said, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel’. After thinking for a moment, the woman dropped her towel and stood naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob handed her $800 and left. The woman wrapped back up in the towel and went back upstairs. When she got to the bathroom, her husband asked, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replied. ‘Great’, the husband said, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Lesson 1: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak’. Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Lesson 2: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager were walking to lunch when they found an antique oil lamp. They rubbed it and a Genie came out. The Genie said, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish’. ‘Me first! Me first!’ said the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world’. Puff! She was gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ said the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life’. Puff! He was gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie said to the manager. The manager said, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’.
Lesson 3: Always let your boss have the first say.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered, ‘Sure, why not?’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Lesson 4: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients’. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Lesson 5: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Lesson 6: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 at 11:55 pm and is filed under Blog of Sadness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.