My dear kitty, Sasami, aka “Sas” is very sick, and probably dying. She had a cancerous tumor in her eye, which was removed, but she doesn’t seem to be getting any better. It’s so hard to see my vivacious, sassy cat so feeble and emaciated. I’m blogging about it because it is a hard topic to talk about with people. Here, though, I don’t have to worry if I am boring the keyboard, or if my computer thinks I care to much about a little animal.

Yesterday she crawled under the sink, which she has never done, and wouldn’t come out. I just kept thinking that she was never going to come out alive; I thought about how I wasn’t sure when the last time I saw here was; how it would be like to find her lifeless body…Then, early in the morning, I heard a cat in the litter, and knew that our other two cats were on the bed. I couldn’t believe it! I was so happy that she had come out, that I would have another day with her.

I know it was foolish to get excited, that’s she’s not really any better, but what can I do? I don’t want her to go.

I just created my application for the beta app, and for the most part, enjoyed the process. It motivated me to use the creative applications on my computer, like photoshop and graphic converter, to create something fun. Sometimes I feel that most of my computer time is frivolous–playing games–but today I felt more connected to the online community.

In the act of creating something that I was proud of, I became more loyal to the online experience. That is both disturbing (because I feel somewhat manipulated) and exciting (because I made something tangible).

Whether I become a part of the beta testing process or not, I have certainly gained (or is it lost?) something today.

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