I have decided not to be depressed anymore. Because it makes me feel shallow.

There are other things or situations in the world that are better pondered on like poverty, hunger, broken families, disease and global warming.

Yes, it is not the end of the world no matter how horrible it made me feel.

There are better things to be done with my time.

To him, thank you. I still like you though! hihihi^^

I am an emotional eater.

Case in point:

• After my first research paper defense, I remember celebrating and rewarding myself with an ice cream cone, pistachio-flavored.

• I also remember an instance when I had a bad day and I couldn’t talk to my friends, I stopped by McDonald’s and ate a cheeseburger, had a large fries and large Coke and hot fudge sundae for dessert. And I just had lunch before that.

• After an oral exam last week, which signaled the end of my final exams for the semester, I bought myself a chocolate shake and ate this huge blueberry muffin.

• I also remember eating a popsicle and a candy bar after kinda failing an exam to comfort myself.

I guess eating when I feel happy is a form of celebration. Meanwhile, I eat when I feel bad to numb the pain…

And now I am getting fat. FAT. Because of him.

I don’t want to get fat..

We all have crushes sometime in our young lives. Some may have a crush on the class heartthrob, some have celebrity crushes. Others just have a crush on that guy or girl, ordinary and average to everyone else but amazing and breathtaking to you.
People always say we should not confuse a simple crush to love or rather, we should not think love is the same as infatuation. It only gets complicated if we do.

Your friends might think you’re silly whenever you rave about how you and your crush made eye contact in the school hallways when he barely glanced your way. When you bump into him on your way to the computer lab, your heart starts pounding and you can hear it pounding but you pretend as if nothing is wrong and when he finally goes away, you float in the air and feel like you have just been rewarded with a particularly large ice cream cone. Occasionally, you stare at his back in class and when he does look your way, your body stiffens and you turn to stone but after class there is noticeably a new spring in your step.

A crush’s actions can either make or break your day. It might not be love, only a silly crush… but it makes you feel. It might not lead to a wedding, or living happily ever after …but at that moment you feel happy. It might only last a few days, a few months sometimes a few years… but you can never forget your crushes, from way back in kindergarten to high school and college. The memories last.

But as everyone had said it is not love, only a crush. Shouldn’t expect anything to happen. Shouldn’t obsess, dream or smile about him endlessly. Because it is not real, but only a girlish fantasy formed in your quite empty little head. And fantasies in this world remain, well, fantasies.

So if you find out (through legal or illegal ways) if there is someone else in your crush’s life, someone who he thinks is special , someone his whole world knows about except for you, resist the urge to hunt the person down. Stop yourself from hatching plans to stalk whoever that person is. Put the mouse down, breathe and just… let it go. Stupid you, anyway, for thinking he wasn’t already taken, for thinking you might have a chance to be someone special to him. Stupid..for thinking, that you might finally find your happily ever after…

When you fall in love, they say, you feel as if everything is perfect. You feel complete. Whole. Unempty. But when your heart gets broken, everything gets broken. Shattered. And you are empty again.

It is not love, only a crush.

…

But then, tell me, why do I feel this way?

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