The incident itself may been a lost memory, however its repercussions will remain for an eternity. It all began with a kiss…

In an Celestine Prophecy sort of way, I was exposed to a similar situation a few weeks earlier. I’m not referring to the DUI, I am referring to the kiss and the way in which a person tries to boss another.

I was leaving Julian’s house with Ralf when one of the girls at his house was dared by another to kiss a girl. I thought that it was silly, and rather immature that someone actually insisted on such an arbitrary dare. I however, didn’t place much emphasis on it side it wasn’t related to me directly and we had to go. At least that gave me the awareness that I would never want to do something just because I want avoid looking like a coward.

Hanging out with my co-workers was fun and interesting. We hung this Thursday night after work. It was Maria, Bezzle, myself and Nayvi. Since the restaurant Nayvi was being a dumb bitch. I can’t stand the sort of person that she is. She is ignorant (she really is), naïve,  bossy and superficial. The entire time she was teasing me about what I chose to order. Afterwards when we bought alcohol, she was calling Bezz names. I understand that maybe she didn’t mean to sound mean but that’s how she came across to me. I had already assessed the kind of person that she is and I was only waiting until the right time came to open my mouth.

We bought two bottles, a bottle of Hypnotic and a bottle of Sapphire Gin. We were drinking by the beach when Nayvii suggested “making a bet”. Ideally in a world where everything goes according to Nayvii’s plan, she would kiss who she wants and make fun of me & Maria for kissing each other. Safe to say that didn’t happen. I kept insisting that no, I didn’t want to do it about as often as she kept insisting that I was boring.

I’ve never been so blunt, consistently anyway, in my entire life. I straight up told her ass that there’s no reason why either Maria or me should do something that we don’t want to do just because she wants to kiss him. I said that more than once, and at one point I think my superior logic was kicking in. I basically in one way or another said through my actions, that I don’t care if you think that I’m boring just because I’m not doing something that you want me to do. I said some other things that would make an eavesdropper go, “oooooh”. Then in order to prove a point I suggested that everyone kiss everyone. The idea behind this was that she would chicken out much like I supposedly was. It worked. Her initial reaction was “hell nah”. That gave me the opportunity to respond by calling her boring, because she herself doesn’t want to do the very same thing she accused me of not wanting to do.

It did in someway backfire because I did end up doing something I really didn’t want to do, or actually had intentions of doing. There was only one person in the group who actually kissed everyone and that was Bezz. This seems petty in comparison to how the rest of the night went but I still can’t believe that I kissed him, enjoyed it, and got a kick of how into it he was. I didn’t enjoy it in the sense of, “omg he’s hot” because he’s ok. I don’t see him in that way. But I got a kick of how he responded, I guess it gave me an ego boost. And I guess that I enjoyed the fact that I actually did do it, and managed to successfully push the envelope. And sadly, that it was …. Someone else for once.

I don’t feel extremely guilty because it was something that wouldn’t have come up on my own- it was all that dumb bitch’s fault. Soon after her and Bezz left, probably to talk some mad shit about my ass I really don’t care. It was then that I decided to take this opportunity to vent about how retarded Nayvii had acted. I was successful in letting Maria know, that it wasn’t anything personal, I just really didn’t want to do something someone else said to. She was able to understand and I’m glad. I really didn’t want her to take it the wrong way, specially since were both put on the spot.

Soon after we went our separate ways, and driving home I got pulled over for reckless driving. It was the most surreal experience I’ve ever had. In hindsight I don’t remember the period from when I put my key in the ignition up until I saw the flashing lights in my rearview mirror. I failed the sobriety test, couldn’t successfully complete a single task. I didn’t want to fall victim to police’s known coercive tactics so I asked a lot of questions. The officer must have gotten annoyed so he added a ‘resisting arrest without violence’ charge. I puked when I was in the booking station. At least 3 times that I could remember. I took the breathalyzer test, and according to it, had a blood alcohol level of .175 or .178 (which is over the .08 legal limit). I was so numb to the entire situation. I didn’t cry, I didn’t think. I just told myself that it’s shitty these turn of events but I didn’t feel sorry. I had no remorse other then for who would really be hurt- my parents. I could care less what would happen to me, but I felt terrible for them. I just sat there dead, apathetic to all of my surroundings.

By the time I took the breathalyzer I was so out of it. I just did what was asked. Afterwards, I was taken to the actual detention center. I had my mug shot taken, and afterwards I was deposited into the misdemeanor holding cell. This is where the rest of my story begins, since I spent more time here then I have had anywhere else up until now.

It was about 15 hours that I spent which taught me two things. I was grateful that it was 15 hrs and not 21 days. 15 hrs felt like an eternity and there were people who spent months, years- life. If there is any distinction that could be made it is about the caliber of people, the difference between those who were in the cell, and those who were out.

The guards, or at least the employees, were terrible. The only reason why they would care whether someone lived or died was because they would be held liable. Understandably  it was a holding cell for prisoners, potential convicts, and criminals, but we never lost our humanity.

Some of the women in the cell were probably some of the coolest people I’ve ever met. This may be attributed in part due to the unique circumstances. It’s possible that all of us going through such a distraught experience allowed us to lower out guards to some degree. Maybe had I met anyone of them at a different point in time I’d had thought differently.

There is no sense of time there. The guards withhold information and just about anything they can from you. A small 9×10 cell housed at one point as many as 20-30 people for hours. For the first couple of hours I stood, immobile since it I only had a 1 foot space to myself. There was a cold, aluminum toilet in the corner which was exposed just like we were. It had a crappy faucet on the top- our only source for liquid. No toilet paper, no cups, no soup, no food until 1pm. I spent at least 10 hours unwillingly without food, and when it did come it was disgusting. Fortunately no one had to poop because that would’ve been bad. I was holding it for at least 5 hours until I was released with bond.

We kept ourselves entertained with conversation, with jokes and information about our own potential outcomes. I chose to spend my time realizing how much I missed Ralf. He was singlehandedly the one person I thought about more than anyone else. Regardless of how I may feel that our chemistry has… changed over the years I undeniable love him. I’m physically, emotionally, mentally and possibly spiritually attached to him. I couldn’t help but realize this as I waited. I just wanted to be able to feel his warmth; missed his scent. I missed, in such a short period of time, the comfort that only he could give me. Even his fuzzy beard, and his 5 o’clock shadow were things that I’ve grown so accustomed to. Consciously aware that I couldn’t speak to him, or hear his voice, or see his beautiful face was also excruciatingly painful.

It became so apparent to me how a person’s character is readily determined by their outlook on things, and how they choose to spend their time. Noticing the resilience in some women was inevitable. There was nothing to do there but wait, and wait we did. Some of the stories, although not ground-shattering definitely woke me up to reality. I was unaware of how badly people were treated in some of these places. And one of the girls made a very good point- they really do only have a job thanks to us.

I had no clue that my parents had bailed me out, until I found the bond receipt lying in the trash. They were there since 5am I think. The biggest sense of guilt and embarrassment came not when I realized I was arrested, and not even when I told Ralf but when I saw my father’s name and amount of money that he had paid to get me out- $2500. The look on their faces when I saw them as I got out of jail was intense. They looked so distraught. The worried expression on both of their faces was exploding out of them.

You have two options when your child is placed in a tough situation such as this. You can either respond proactively, or you can bitterly spite them for it. Those were the exact options that my father and my mother took, respectively. I will never have the relationship where I can tell anything openly to my mom. As a matter of fact, it’s a really sad, sick and disappointing feeling to know that she’s going to remember me for my mistakes and not for who I am- and there’s nothing I could do about it. Neither one of them will ever be able to understand, how I see the world, and how it could actually be considered a valid viewpoint. Neither one of them will ever be able to comprehend what makes me tick, what is lacking, why I do the things that I do, or why I make the choices I make. It’s unfortunately, beyond the scope of their socio-cultural upbringing.

I don’t blame them, I’m sure I would spite me too. I’m sure I’ll be confused when I’m 40 and I can’t understand how my kids could be so stupid. At least my dad knows I’m not a complete fool. He told me that I’m smart, and that instead of using my intelligence to help myself I use it to self-destruct. It was a brilliant thing that he said, because at times our own awareness of things, our awareness of how bleak our lives can be is a very discouraging thing. It’s the sort of thing that causes us to look elsewhere for answers. It leads us to do things that our inner strength would advise us never to do. It’s what we ignore when we’re spinning out of control. It’s the very thing that we deny when something in admittedly goes very wrong. But it’s also the very same thing that can get us out of the very same mess we got ourselves in. And remembering that is the most difficult, yet the best thing any damn smart person could do. Otherwise we’d lose our sense of hope.

I wrote my professor an email requesting to take a makeup exam right before I started to write this. It’s 5:47am, and I’ve been crying on and off. I thought it’d be best to be honest with her. She may understand, she might have gone through the same thing as me. After all, we’re all human and it doesn’t make us any less of a person. On the contrary, we learn from our mistakes, we make it a point to rise above the circumstances because we can.

At least I was able to go to work on Saturday. I was shitting bricks thinking I’d lose my job AND fail all my classes. Well… and now the other journey begins.

So school is hectic, and work is annoying. What else is new?

Well… i got a new haircut less than 10 minutes ago and i’m pretty stoked about that. I cut it myself since the back part of my hair was looking ugly and whatnot.

I have a new crush. That’s exciting and startling all at once. I’m not about to explain the details right now; that’s for later.

I’ve lost 10 lbs. All by hardly eating the first few days. Now i just try to keep below a certain level of calories. i’m having a bit of trouble trying to reach 165. i seemed to have capped at 170 but i’m working on it! Maybe i’ll be able to reach my goal without even working out… you think it’s possible?

I’m starting to become quite capable of buidling my own bonfire since the last couple of cold fronts we’ve had, we’ve been sneaking into this abandoned future park site to hang out.

I feel like pooping… I hope that i passed my statistics test… =\ safe to say that has me concerned!

The same sh*t always happens to me… is the 3rd time a charm??? (this is in reference to the new crush) I’m kind of content where i’m at right now… i don’t need anymore added on drama… but we’ll see where this goes i suppose..

It’s already the best-selling handheld console in history, but the Nintendo DS still isn’t resting on its laurels. It’s in line for its third facelift, which U.S. consumers will finally see this coming April.

The revamped version — dubbed the “DSi” — is slightly thinner and has larger screens than the original DS, but its most noticeable change is Nintendo’s addition of two cameras: one inside, pointing towards the player, and one outside, positioned rather like a cellphone camera. Inside the case, the console’s hardware is upgraded with faster processors and extra memory. It’ll also accept a SD memory card for saving pictures or storing music.

Along with upgraded networking features like better wireless support and a free web browser, the DSi will also be able to go online to a Nintendo store similar to the Wii’s Shop Channel. Gamers will be able to use it to purchase games for download to the DSi’s internal memory — much like the bigger consoles can already do, in fact.

Releasing on April 5 for $170, the new DS will be $40 more expensive than the current DS model, but still matches or beats both its competitors, the Sony PSP, which is also $170, and the iPod Touch, which starts at $230. Regular games for the DSi will still cost around $30; a bit cheaper than most PSP titles, but considerably more expensive than iPod Touch games which, while typically much simpler, seldom venture above the $10 mark.

So price aside, how does the software selection up? The DSi will be able to play all past DS game, but unlike earlier DS models, it won’t be able to play older Game Boy Advance titles. Future games will likely take advantage of the machine’s camera, but there’s nothing on the market just yet that supports it. The DS has a considerably broader (and arguably better) selection of games than either the PSP or the iPod Touch, and thanks to its enormous install base, its future as a viable gaming platform is unchallenged.

But will the DSi’s media-friendly upgrades make it a legit challenger the PSP or iPod Touch’s more advanced capabilities? Don’t hold your breath. Either of those machines is still going to be a better bet if you want a one-gadget-fits-all machine that’ll let you play music, watch movies, and browse the Internet.

However, the games-first focus of the DS line has only benefited it. Already home to massive-selling, unique franchises like Brain Age, Pokemon, and Nintendogs, the next few months hold yet more promising releases like Rockstar’s all-new Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars. And we’re really curious to find out what Nintendo, ever ready to come up with inventive control systems, can do with that camera. If you want in on the action, you’re going to need one.

Ok, soooo I’m still sore from these workouts and it’s my 3rd day. Somehow, I think I’m going to be sore for a loooong time. X( That sucks because I can never really workout my abs… I want to work out my abs!!!

 I ate a little too much today… But tommorrow will be a different day, and I’ll much better then.

Oli finally has her internet installed- thnx to me!!! I’m so awesome, teheh.

I sooooo want to eat more food! MORE FOOD INDEED! >:o

My time playing HKO was sadly short and (unsadly) sweet. I’m not going to lie.. it was my first time playing a MMORPG (gasp!) and it was tons-o-fun!!!

 Sure there were quirks at first like pantless characters (didn’t happen to me, but I heard of someone whom it did happen to) or remaining stuck in “Floral-Harbor” when the servers were full, but that just adds onto the unique and preproduction  aspect of playing a BETA. It just makes the experience all the more memorable people!

OMG, and even though its a bit uncanny… I loved trying (and sometimes failing) to get people to play this game! I managed to get my boyfriend to play, while everyone else… simply saw my proposal. =/

So playing with my boo was fun even if it only occured a handful of times. Him and I agreed that one of the hardest things when starting out in the game (at least for us) was GETTING A WAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh at first I thought that I could use the sticks and twigs that I picked up… that was embarrasing when I asked someone if I could do that and they responded with an astounding “NO!”

I thought that baking things was the most awesome thing EVER, and so was fariming and this is probably due to my undying love for food (shout out to my homies chocolate cake and fudge brownies! I will never abandone you guys!!!). =D

But seriously though, no lie… I may have never really played a MMORPG so who am I to judge…. but this game…. is/was/whatever seriously CUTE. I didn’t know so many character existed in Sanrio Land and I wish that I could have each and every one of them and just- and just- HUG THEM ALL! (>_<) I think that anyone who played this game can agree that’s one of those “reel them in” factors, and how could a game featuring Hello Kitty NOT be cute?? Come on!

And the players (GM’s included of course ;D <-winky face) were all so nice! Everyone was helpful whenever a newbie (me included) got lost and/or stuck. Whenever I got the hang of something I made sure to repay the favor onto others as well. I tried to help whenever I could. The GM’s were especially helpful (that I saw) to anyone generally despite someone on the forums who thought otherwise. A nice bunch of peeps to play with.

London aside from Floralopolis (sorry if I’m misplelling) was the city that I got a chance to visit. And yes, I managed to get there without dying even if I probably should’ve leveled up more before I tried to do so- darn those snakes!! The places were so nicely (and AWESOMELY) decorated, with the trees even swaying back and forth. It was like goo-goo gaa-gaa of cuteness.

And of course, the ending was so dramatic!!! Hello Kitty was runing around all of Sanrio Harbor to the point where I was about to begin panting chasing after her! It would have been super cool to actually talk to her though.  Unfortunately I don’t have any screen shots since it never occured to me that I should take any. But it almost felt like New Year’s Eve at Time Square (not that I’ve ever been there.. and yes I know that rhymed). So many characters jam packed together like, well like jam! People from all sorts of groups and guilds chanting “I love yous” and “I miss yous”.  Despite the cyber-netic environment, it’s safe to say there was a lot of energy out and about during those short and narrowing hours ’til the temporary end. (Of course because this game is coming back, right? RIGHT?!?!?!)

The saddest part was when 12 o’clock struck (or was it 11 o’clock- I have such a bad memory I’m sorry) and the server automatically kicked me off. It was done, finished, finit-o! At least until another Beta comes out or better yet- the final product.

Sorry for writting so much! Hopefully it wasn’t that unbearable. >< And please give me that diamond pendant! Pretty please with sugar on top!!!! Trust I make the best bread- HKO taught me how lol.

Well.. I’m almost done with this semester. I’m so annoyed that my schedule is all messed up for the spring!!! >:o Ok, sure I over sleep like EVERY friggin’ day and sure that I skip class more often than not but that doesn’t mean that I like the idea of going to school in the afternoon!!! Morning classes are awesome becuase I have the rest of the day to do whatever.. even if that whatever is SLEEP. My only hope is that somehow I’ve adapted enough to actually wake up early next semester, which realistically I won’t because I know myself! XO

So… I should be looking into my term paper right? Instead I’m here writting a blog because last time I did was waaaaaaay long agooo.

I was watching the Tyra show earlier today and they had an episode where there was a woman in her early 20’s who was still a virgin. She was somehow putting her virginity up on an auction which was going for as much as approx. 2 million dollars. That is insane! So of course there was the lovely moral dilemma of using your sexuality to make some dough, and how could she do this? Doesn’t she have any dignity? Etc, etc..

 So… I guess it’s fine and dandy to do with your body as you please, but it IS kind of sad to see someone who’s willing to put a price tag on herself- male or female.. it certrainly isn’t something admireable.

I agree that we definitely have the right to do with our bodies what we please- be it insane ammounts of sex or lack thereof- without fearing the stigma of negative labels. I mean, why should it matter to someone else what I do versus what someone else does? Gender and ethnicity shouldn’t come into play but they do. Isn’t morality subjective anyhow?

BLOOP! On another note… I’m going to hate the days leading up to Thanksgiving (but not Thanksgiving itself of course =P).

So my goal is to go vote today after school. I hope that there aren’t too many people in the library, which is one of the places that they’re hosting the early voting. I was looking at my dad’s sample ballot.. and i saw that he voted YES on ammendment 2! X(

He’s pretty stubborn.. so i didn’t even want to bring up that discussion as to why he’d vote that way… But rest assured gays! I’ll vote NO!. and if i read the brief description wrong, i’ll take my time reading it when i do go vote- assuming that i misinterpreted it.

 So why would anyone vote for Obama? First, Clinton supporters should because a) she supports him and b)they’re in the same party.

His plan on health care beats McCain’s because montly payments on healthcare alone are a pain in the butt- $5k won’t cut it.

Obama actually offers ALTERNATIVES to loans for college students, McCain don’t give a s- about us.

He supports women’s right to choose. Because it’s coming out of our body so why shouldn’t we?

His idea of taxes beat McCain’s “lower taxes for everyone” because how the hell is the government going to even support its budget with less of a budget? That makes no sense… lowering taxes alone, and now with the bail-out plan they just implemented.. really our government needs a lot of $$ to fund the things they’ve been doing.. like schools, welfare, ect… taking money away from that doesn’t resolve much.. and white collar have too much of it. They can bare to share.

Lastly, not that it’s of most importance… but his approach to this entire campaign has been better than McCains. McCain does nothing but diss Obama, and yes it’s election time but when you compare who bashes who more.. McCain is victorious. Also, in the few debates there were… Obama actually took the time to explain things, whereas McCain just tried to sell his ideas. I don’t need someone to convince of anything… i’d rather get a general explanation. I’m not your “friend” so don’t refer to me as one.

 Anyway, that’s all for now! TaTa!

I’m SO ANNOYED!!!! That’s it!!! I’m going to saw my laptop in half, and punch the life out of whatever’s left!!!!!! >:O

 I’ve tried downloading this stupid game like 3 times already and for NOTHING! NOTHING works! Not the Torrent file, not the HK installer! I’m seriously considering resigning my “founder status” because it’s not like i’m going to be able to play this freaking game! By the time they manage to fix the bugs (assuming that i’ll ever get it running on my pc) the beta will be closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Two in-game events have already ended! jklejflajflkjflkjslfgjalsfjasl;g

 I’ve been trying to get this thing running since the stupid thing became available to d/l…. I HATE YOU!!!!! AAHHHH!!!!!JKLjlkfjlkdflkjklfjklasfjlksfjalskfjls;kfjlksafjlskfjlskfjlsfjlaksfjlskafjlskfjlds

 I’m downloading it a fourth time…via bitlord… $10 that it won’t work- watch! I didn’t see the HK installer on their site… maybe they’re fixing it?? I just know that i’m wasting my time with this bs when i should be doing my hw! (that’s my fault obviously X3)

God Freaking DAMMIT!

Ok, so i just took the test that i was shitting bricks about and i’m pretty sure that i passed. however, there was one essay question that i didn’t know, and i wrote this note to the prof: i completely forgot this, i only reviewed this once while studying and i have vague notes on it- i hate you. (just kidding!

does that sound offensive to you??? i thought it was kinda funny… now ralf is making me feel bad about it!! anyone who reads this be honest! i’ll find out on friday… X(
also… the 2 most amazing things that i saw on my way to school today: a black cat (on the 826- yes in the MIDDLE OF THE EXPRESSWAY just running around like it’s all good-n-gravy). i wanted to rescue it so bad but i had to study for my test! and i didn’t want to die… i swear, if i see him on the way home i’m definitely picking it’s ass up and finding it a home! i even have someone in mind…

the second thing: i was passing by a church in a ghetto neighborhood, and this is how ghetto that neighborhood is.. you know how when you watch the simpsons the church has a sign up, similar to the signs that fast food chains have? you know, those signs that annouce stuff as you drive? anyway, this sign was boss! the best one ever: “worried? trust in god. remember, even Moses was a BASKET CASE.”
…yes, they called moses a basket case… that was the best moment in my life i swear to baskets!
anyway, that’s all that’s of interest right now.. tata!

post script: ok…. just thought that i’d to this post by saying i DID manage to save her… and now i’m stuck finding her a good home.

The most shocking news that i’ve heard in a while. My best friend called me while i was still in bed to tell me that he grandfather past away today. I used to see him more when i was younger, when her and i would actually spend more time together. He was always on his electronic wheelchair that he would use to drive around the neighborhood. Apparently he was hit by a car near a street by our house. She’s actually (at least it seems like it) handling it better then i’d imagined. He once said to her that if he’s going to die, that he’d prefer it to be doing something that he loved doing, which was the case here. She asked me if i could go to the funeral which is this friday, which was when we were going to hang out. (It’s kind of eerie how things keep occurring to prevent us from hanging out.) I hope that her parents and her grandmom are handling it ok, knowing that now he’s in a better place where he’s no longer in pain.