Hello eveyone! First off, I want to give a shoutout to my grandfather, who is having a birthday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY OPA!!

And yes, you read today’s headline correctly. Hello Kitty is officially considered a wrestler, and is about to invade a California based promotion, but before we get into this bizarre tale, lemme break down some other wrestling news of importance:

WWE: Smackdown aired live from Miami with Batista breaking down the forbidden wall o’ things they no sposta talk about! The segment that brought the house down began with Shawn Michaels boo-hooing about beating Ric Flair into retirement. And as Shawn tried in vain to get at least one pity fan (whom was a loud plant in the front row) to cheer for The Heartbreak Kid, out came Batista. Batista began with a predictable “Ric no here no mo’” speech, but when HBK began screaming and Batista, referring to him by his real name Dave, Batista SNAPPED, letting the fans in on a little secret. Shawn was supposed to JOB Flair, but instead went into buisness for himself and beat “The Man”. Shawn tried in vain to backpeddle, claiming that Batista would have done the same, but Batista said “NO, I wouldn’t've.” Batista said that Shawn couldn’t be bothered to do his JOB, “since there’s no way Shawn could ever JOB anyone, the way HE’S been jobbed by everyone else” and that Shawn couldn’t stand the fact that for one lousy night, The Heartbreak Kid was NOT in the spotlight. Batista went on to say that all the rumors he heard when he came up from OVW were true, and that Shawn is a Coward, is Egotistical and is Meniacal, amongst other names. Batista informed Shawn that he is no longer The Heartbreak Kid, but just the guy who retired Flair. As the commentary went dead, some fans claim they could hear a familiar chuckle from a pink and black clad hero in Calgary, Alberta Canada. ^.^

Echoing the WWE’s displeasure with Shawn, HBK’s young nephew Matt Bentley, made his SmackDown debut, shortly after the commercial break against Vladmir Koslov. Bentley was beaten silly in the shortest match of the night. WWE officials didn’t even turn the lights on for the match, until after Bentley (formerly of TNA) was already on his way to unconciousness. Bentley was a TNA standout alongside his BFF Kaz, and to have the kid lose to the very green, but unusually rough Vladmir, spells doom for his WWE career, as WWE is seldom kind to the kin of wrestlers they no longer like. (Psst! Matt, pick an indy spot and RUN!!)

Speaking of kin, Nattie Niedhart, daughter of Jim “The Anvil” Niedhart and indy sensation, debuted on SmackDown AT LAST, beating up Michelle McCool, after a brawl broke out, resulting from McCool’s not so liked win in the diva contest. Many fans protested the decision, since it was Cherry who was most voted for, but that’s WWE for ya. McCool had won a very tiny, almost child size motorcycle, blinged out with a built in compact mirror. Although the diva list for all three brands has grown extensive, Nattie makes only the fourth true wrestler for the main roster, and the fourth to have a normal, healthy, beautiful bod. She now joins Victoria, Cherry and Beth Phoenix as the ONLY saving graces of WWE’s female wrestling team. (Since Mae Young only appears sporatically.)

Also on Friday, Miz and Morrison beat Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang in a tag team match, only for all 4 men to be wasted by an irate Khali. Big Show came out soon after, and the two had a short staredown, before Khali left, huffy.

Matt Hardy beat the daylights out of MVP, targeting his knees. Matt is out for vengance!

Vickie forced The Brothers Of Destruction (Undertaker and Kane) to face each other, stipulating that if they refused, they’d both be stripped of their titles. The two grappled old school style, yet found that they were equal. Even after the punches and slaps began to fly, the brothers realized that a winner would not be decided that night. Still, the two put on an awesome and cute match, with the crowd unable to pick a favorite, until Edge, Chavo and the Edgeheads made the sorrowful mistake of butting in. Kane and ‘Taker quickly laid waste to the Edgeheads, and then in unison, team chokeslammed Edge and Chavo, then followed it up with a double tombstone. The crowd went NUTS, as the most dominant and beloved tag team in WWE history, walked out, each with one fist held high as the show ended.

Also! I need to print a correction. I don’t recall if I reported on HHH’s second baby or not, but in case I did, lemme point out that neither HHH nor Stephanie know the gender of the new child, set to be born this summer. HHH stated this fact in a recent interview. A rumor was started by a firend of Hunter’s, who claimed the second child was a girl. There is no proof if the child will be a boy, girl or hermephrodite, and the parents have decided to wait on this development. Aww!

TNA: Impact aired Thursday, with much focus on the Team Christian vs. Team Tomko match for Lockdown April 13th. To ensure a fair match, Matt Morgan was assigned as referee for Sting’s match with James Storm. This main event had fan tearing the roof off of the Impact Zone, as Sting went straight to work, blasting James’s head into the wall holding up fans deep in the crowd, cracking the thick wooden structure like a broken plate! Mz. Jackie tried to save James, but was thwarted each time. She did manage to distract Morgan momentarily, allowing James to low blow Sting, but Morgan turned around in time, just before James was going to hit Sting with Sting’s own baseball bat. Morgan yoinked the bat away, then tossed it to Sting!! Morgan turned away for a few minutes, while Sting clubbed James several times, and then scored a pinfall. When Team Tomko came out to confront Morgan, Morgan took off his shirt, revealing himself as a member of Team Christian! The two teams went into a fight, which left AJ Styles battered and dazed, after Rhyno gored him so hard, AJ’s body went flying like as if he was hit by a car!

Also Thursday, Samoa Joe sent along a video package, showing his training with a top fighter. Joe even joked that unlike SOME people, he doesn’t like to fight young kids or celebrities, he instead likes training with other top fighters, even from UFC or MMA. Kurt Angle responded to the video, by saying that next week, he wants Joe to show up to Impact and sign a legal document, stating that unless Kurt taps out or is pinned April 13th by Joe, that Joe must retire. Scott Stiener came out to inform them, that whomever is champ, faces The Big Bad Booty Daddy at the next PPV. Scott was riding high, after hitting Petey with a car earlier in the night. Petey is okay, but needs new people.

Shark Boy beat Elix Skipper to qualify for the X-scape match set for Lockdown.

In the opening contest, LAX and The Motor City Machine Guns defeated The Rock and Rave Infection, Black Regin and Rellik.

AJ Styles and Tomko had a surprise win against Rhyno and Christian.

Traci Brooks beat up Ms.Payton Banks, whom was tuckered out from doing ROH, TNA and FIP appearances this past weekend. After the match, all of the Knockouts piled into the ring, beating on each other, only to have Sharmell come out and whip the heels with her belt! Booker T came and collected her, telling her she broke storyline, and that she’s not even supposed to be there, but Sharmell quipped “When you married me, you KNEW I was a wild child. Welcome to the jungle baby!” and walked off.

ROH: Ring of Honor is still quite pleased with this weekend’s shows, and is gearing up for next week’s live events. Delirious has been having a problem. His name is Necro Butcher. This odd rivalry is set to heat up as ROH announces upcoming match cards. Chicago’s show will see the debut of a new Shimmer girl named Ashley, better known to PWO fans as Lexi Lane. Lexi was last seen in PWO a few moths ago, and will be sent up against MisChif, Daizee Haze and Lacey in a four corner match.

PWG: Today’s live event will feature a member from Japan’s D.D.T. promotion, the very same where ROH newcomer Kouta Ibushi hails from! Tonight’s show will feature Juromi going one-on-one with Hello Kitty. Yes, you read that right, Hello Kitty. The same kitty to the upper left of this blog. This is NOT a joke. As you may not know, Kitty made her debut some time ago in Japan’s D.D.T. promotion, and was once a title holder there. Her match tonight with Kuromi was a long time in coming, and fans are looking forward to the bout. Also on the card are ROH’s Roderick Strong and former CZW star Chris Hero.

Mixed Media: Congratulations to The Ultimate Warrior! Warrior  will be appearing for  Nu-Wrestling Evolution, April 19th in  Madrid Warrior will receive an award for his wrestling career inside the NWE ring and will stick around to greet fans. AWESOME!!!

Well, that does it for now. Whew what alot! As always stay clean and healthy and read a good book when you can, Until next time!

The Rasslinkitty

ROH
WWE
TNA
Sailormoon
ECW
PWO
AAA
SmackDown!
Raw
The Rasslinkitty
Wrestling
PWG
D.D.T.
Hello Kitty
Japan