• June 2017
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Hello everyone, so tomorrow I officially leave school, and I thought I’d share my thoughts here.

Personally, I am dreading leaving school. Everything is so uncertain. I’m not going to see the same people everyday, we may even grow apart. I’m looking forward to going to a restaurant for lunch with my friends.

I’m not looking forward to the pranks that people will pull (and have already pulled) tomorrow. It’s a tradition that on the last day sixth years pull pranks. People have already been at the school….decorating.

I’m dreading the future but I know that it’s going to be okay, I just need to stop overthinking and just go with the flow.

I hope you are all okay, I’m sorry it’s been a while since I posted. (If anyone even cares, lol).

I am currently listening to graduation songs. High school musical has been involved, of course. :)

Thanks for reading, even though this was pretty random. :)

So, lately I’ve been thinking about how weird life is; we’re all just bodies who appreciate art, experience a system everyday either by going with the current of the system or going against the system. But we all experience this system differently; I may not have the same obstacles in my life as you (Person potentially reading this).

We’re all just experiencing this and we have no idea why, or what happens after…. (Obviously some people believe in things/don’t believe in anything, but generally speaking….). But there’s got to be a reason why life is happening right now, right at this very moment.

Lately, I’ve just been seeing other people as souls (A presence in the body. You.), and not bodies. Which might sound weird. But think about it; your body doesn’t count for anything - except that you’re your mother and father’s child.

Obviously some people would disagree, saying that our bodies make us who we are because we’re attached to them. But think about this; why is it you who can see through your eyes/live in your mind, and not somebody else?

Ever since I was little, before I even knew what a soul was, I always thought of myself as a soul, a presence separate from others because I could see through my eyes and no one else could. It’s hard to explain what I mean by that, maybe I’ll have a better explanation for it one day, but right now I’m tired and have school tomorrow (Plus I’m questioning whether or not I should even post this.)

I ended up posting….Obviously.

Enjoy my ‘whatever this is’. :)

I care what you think. Not you particularly, person reading this, but people generally.

I have no idea when this started. I remember a time when I didn’t care but that was also a time when I was the most self-absorbed, and dismissed how other people felt entirely.

Now here I am, applying to college instead of university, and caring because of the stigma that people go to college because they couldn’t get the grades to get into university, AKA they are not smart enough, and I am taking this stigma to heart, feeling the need to prove to everyone who is judging me (and I can tell when they’re judging me; they look at their friends or they’ll smirk.) that I have the grades, that I am smart (Not that grades mean intelligence. But that’s another post for another time).

However, with the thing I want to do I NEED to go to college. I didn’t take science at higher level (Which I don’t regret by the way) and just this year I came to the decision to change my plans from working in the film industry to working in the animal welfare sector. I didn’t need science before but now I do.

And it’s not as if I’m happy with the decision to go to college either. I expected to be in education for another four years, but now that time has extended. You might say I’m quite impatient, that I want to take the quickest route to the top of the mountain to see the view, and you would be right. I don’t like fact of being in education for such a long time that I barely even get to do what I worked so hard in education for. But I’m slowly but surely adjusting to the idea, particularly because I can volunteer on weekends; it’s not exactly changing the world like I want, but I’ll at least be helping a little.

Anyway, I’m going off topic….

It’s gotten to the point now where I think I’ve reached my highest point of caring what people think (My highest point being applying to university to prove to people that I could get in if I wanted to. I know, it’s sad.) and I’m ready to change.
But how will I go about doing this when it’s practically engrained in me? I guess I could start by not explaining myself every time someone has the wrong idea about me; like my reasons for the decisions I’ve made (Example of this above.)

I’m just going to end this post here, but let me know your thoughts:

Do you care what people think?
How could you tackle this problem?

Thanks for reading. :)

Hi everyone, I just got back from the S1/S6 Halloween disco (more on that in a later post) and I am now tucking in to some vegetable soup.
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So….Things I’ve learned today and yesterday:

- Even if you think you’re a medium; try on the small. (My Halloween costume was falling off of my shoulders tonight.)

- Wigs and long hair do not go well together.

- Gilmore Girls is a good study motivator.

- To write something down even if you think you’ll remember/look at my diary.

- I learned what a ’scrounger’ and a ‘kitty’ was.

- Tomato bread dipped in veggie soup is bae.

- That I am afraid of almost everything. (Talking to people, having a boyfriend, escalators, taxi drivers, people’s judgment….the list goes on)
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I hope you enjoyed my inspirational post….

Thanks for reading. :)

For those of you who don’t know I’m in my last year of secondary school, and I’m going through the process of applying to further education. You know; deciding what you are studying, where you are going to study, organising your finance, accommodation, etc.

I’m also in the process of writing my personal statement, which is a lot harder than I imagined it would be. I’m trying to make it sound sophisticated but also something that reflects me as a person.

The whole process of further education is very overwhelming, and I’m at this point where I’m not sure I’m going to make it or that I will mess something up.

Or that I’m not even going to get in.

It’s all so overwhelming and yeah….

Thanks for reading, even though it was a bit of a ramble. :)

Hello everyone, I decided to make a post about everything I got up to this Summer. :) It has definitely been the most interesting one I’ve had for a while now. :)

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- I worked at the open championship this Summer as a litter collector. :)

- I did work experience as a dog walker, and all the dogs were so wonderful. :)
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- I was introduced to the TV show ‘Supernatural’ through my friend, Ashleigh, who showed me the Hillywood parody and I ended up wanting to watch the series. :) (It is amazing, and I am on episode 11 of season 2.)

- My phone was stolen. :/ (It hasn’t been returned but it’s okay. :) )

- Soul Survivor 2016. Soul Survivor is a Christian festival, aimed at young people. There were seminars where we could learn about the word, worship in a massive tent, late night worship by a campfire in the woods. (There was a large group of us all sitting and standing round the campfire, as someone played worship songs on the guitar.)
There was also a silent disco that I enjoyed, and can now cross off my bucket list. Not to mention a colour dash, which I guess wasn’t really a colour dash because there was no running; just a massive group of us emptying colour on each other. :D We camped in tents but we had to move 3 times due to extreme weather, which was unfortunate but could not be helped. I spoke to people I knew from other churches, and made new friends who I am still in contact with.

And last but not least:
I ate a lot of crepes.
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Lemon and sugar and toffee syrup. Laura and I split both in half so we could try a bit of each.
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This one was milk chocolate orange, and I had it all to myself. It was very delicious! :)

Overall, it was an eventful Summer. :)

Thanks for reading. :)

So this day didn’t turn out very good….But a lot of really great things happened, and I just wanted to reflect on them:

- A conversation with Cameron.

- A text from Andrew, a boy I met at Soul Survivor. (Church camp) It was a nice surprise, especially after a difficult day. :)

- Going to the library. :)

- Finally getting my head around what we learned in philosophy today.

- Finding out Sabrina’s (Sabsbeauty - YouTube) MCAT results. She got what she wanted and more! :)

- Wanting and having a reason to stay awake despite feeling tired. :)

Remember: There is a silver lining to every cloud. :)

Hi everyone, so today I went to the Ayr flower show, and it was really good. I loved looking at the plants, and it was interesting to see the difference between first and third place. I particularly loved the vegetables. The bonsai tree display was also VERY impressive. There was also wasps crawling around in a hive type of container, so we could look at them (Which is actually kind of sad….). On top of that there were several stalls to do with nature, animals, and stalls selling things. :)

It was all very interesting, and I took pictures and videos; lots of them. But sadly my phone was stolen, and they are most likely gone forever. I even lost all of my seventeenth birthday photos too, so I won’t have my annual birthday post up.

Anyway, I felt really bad when it had been stolen, and I hated that I had been so careless. My Dad was upset about it, and it doesn’t help that I’m going to Soul Survivor (A Christian camp) for five days without a phone. That was his main worry, but I think it was also to do with how much the phone cost.

Everyone keeps telling me it’s fine, and my Dad said it would be fine because he will get me another one; but that’s not why I feel bad. It’s the fact that I was responsible for my phone, and now it’s gone. I feel like life is all about responsibility, so if I can’t be more careful; should I be here?. (Not to sound suicidal.) I’m also supposed to be moving out for college next year, and today made me doubt as to whether or not I would be able to cope with that.

Anyway, rant over. :)

Thanks for reading. (If you have.)

P.S I also realised my poem ‘Dear Lost Phone’ is more relevant now than when I had first written it. :)

Today I worked for four hours and picked up litter on the stands and around the park, but in all honesty we did a lot of standing under shelter and sitting at the HQ too as the rain was heavy.

The weather here is predictable yet unpredictable; you know that the weather could change at any moment but you don’t know when.
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Also, we had to stand at the side and spectate as a golfer was about to hit the ball. For someone who is not a fan of golf/never watches golf and knows little about it; it was quite impressive, as the golfer lined up with his club the ball and the hole and successfully got it in.

Anyway, that’s about all for today. :)

Thanks for reading. :)

Hi everyone, so work lasted for 4 hours today, and to be honest it did not feel as long as I thought it would.
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I decided to switch to brushing as well as picking up litter sometimes, however, I ended up having to switch back and I felt incompetent ,and absolutely terrible about it because someone who did not want to brush had to take my place. I’m very grateful that I was able to switch back, but I blame myself entirely for the fact that I had to. We had to brush the stairs. I have a fear of heights, and whenever I had to stand on the top stair without any support; I felt unstable, I was holding on with one hand on the banister while the other swept.

It was also at that moment that I became a mind-reader and thought that everyone in my group must be thinking why on Earth I had signed up for this job in the first place. But they probably weren’t thinking that at all, so I just swept the thought away (See what I did there. ;) ). I’m grateful that I have really great people in my group. :)

Overall, that’s what happened today. :)

Thanks for reading. :)

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