Oh my goodness, everyone…
Today, my soul has been imprinted with college reality.
I do not like it.
The campus was beautiful, the buildings big– and the overall size? It’s huge, like it’s own city~
But there were a few things wrong, things that I noticed immediately.
First, it should be known that here in America, college is a joke. The kids go there, fresh “adults”, drink under-aged until they make themselves sick (in dorm rooms, sidewalks, showers, ect), and stumble into class the next day with headaches.
I’m not like that at all. I’m not. I am a serious student, who goes to school to learn. I want to make friends, but I don’t see how drinking and partying is “fun”. And I will not, and never will do such things.
To me, that is low, low behavior, and is hardly even comprehensible.
But…maybe I was naive…I knew that a lot of people did those kinds of horrible, horrible things, but I thought, that maybe it wasn’t that noticeable. Or maybe that those types of things did happen, but there would be kids that didn’t, and I would be friends with them.
But I was wrong. While I was there, I saw a vomit spot on the sidewalk, and that same distinct smell coming out of more than one trashcan. All of the kids were the same, and that couldn’t have been more obvious.
In short? I don’t belong in college. I am way too young. I am way to inexperienced and naive. And I am way too mature.
I looked really ugly compared to all of those pretty college girls, who were all dressed up. And I felt even worse because my hair needs to be cut. And dyed. It looks horrible now!
My self esteem can’t handle seeing other girls…. It makes me fall back into bad habits…
But… Finding friends at college? It’ll never happen. My age is the first strike against me, but even after that…. I will never be able to find a friend there.
It’s funny… because I like to think that I am very similar to everyone else. But today I realized just how different I am. How little I have in common with everyone around me.
And that’s another reason, I guess.
I don’t belong in college. I don’t even know if I belong in the outside world. It’s just… so so bad… it’s nothing like I expected it to be.
I don’t belong there. I don’t want to go…
I feel like such a child…*cries*