I admit that I am not a born leader. I know that i need to strive hard to lead a group of people. I know that is hard to organize a project. I know and i try to do it better!

     You said that you do not know how to do poster. You said that i force you to do even you do not know how to do. You said you cannot remember what is our fund raising project details. You blaming me for putting you on the difficult task.

     But…

     When we were having group discussion, you busy played with your mobile phone. When we were discussing, you seldom give your comment or idea. When i ask you whether you got any questions, you said you have no questions.

     Gal,

      I did not scold you when you played with your mobile phone during disccusion. I did not scold you when you did not give any comment. I trust you when you said you got no questions. But how come today only you told the other group member-Yung that you do not know how to do the poster and you wanted to in charge of preparing the food? You said i force you to do the poster even though you don’t know how to do. But you said you can ask your friend to help you up. And you must know, your task is easier as i arrange you with another member to design together. You got the privilege  of having a partner. Why don’t you try to contact her? You said you got no credit to call out, but is it possible you try to reload even RM10 to sms your partner?

     We are considered as adult now. I supposed you would not like me to call everyday to check out with you how is your progress. I think we should have the initiative to do the task that had been assigned to us. When you are not understand about some task, you must seek for help from group members, but not just said that you do not know how to do, that’s all. We are in a GROUP, we are coursemates and friends, why can’t you speak it out when you got problems so that we can solve it out? Yvonne said you are still new and may be stressful, but you studied Foundation in HELP too, isn’t it? If to be counted, I am still newer than you right? If to say stress, who doesn’t have stress? Everybody has, or maybe stressful than you.  

     I really hope you will be able to see this post, as i know you would not accept if i speak this matter face to face with you. Responsibility and cooperation are important in a group project. I hope you realise this. The project result and marks are belong to us, therefore everyone in a group must put in efforts to work it out. That’s all I can say.

     I am having insomnia now. God, it is 2am in the morning, yet my eyes are still wide open and minds are still clear. The night is silent and i can hear few cars and motorbikes passing by on the road. I am laying on the bed, straight posture, side posture, and even sit posture. I am holding my sleepmate-guai guai (in Cantonese, which means turtle.) Of course not real turtle, is a Kuma-Kuma doll, i named it ‘Guai Guai’. But still, i cannot fall asleep.

     My heart is beating so fast because of anxiety, worried, nervous, guilty, feel lost, helpless… All these negative emotions are come from one sources-PMG 101 fund raising project! I am freak out! Althought we had figure out a plan to be propose, but the time is running out. It will be kind of rush as i only be able to get approval from my lecturer and Department of Student Affairs on next tuesday. While my plan is to be held on wednesday. I would not like to delay the plan as the next two week will be my mid-term exam, which is week 7, and my report and presentation CD need to pass up on week 10. I got no confidence that we can finish up the report and CD in 2 weeks time, is a mission impossible…!

     I tried to text messanging my friends for help. The first one, has not reply. The second one, cannot delivered. The third one, has not reply. Finally, i told myself, check out for the last one, if still no reply, then forget about that, and bang yourself onto the wall…! So, i send a messange to him. I was really surprise as i choose him as the last alternative person, yet he is the first one to reply me. I feel so touch that moment. Eventually he called me to asked about my problem. He did not talk much, but he quietly listened to my moaning. U know what, a best friend is who can lend his/her ears for you to let out whatever you would like to from your chest. After conversation with him, i felt much much better. I really glad to have him as my friend.  

     Hey friend, you know who you are, I just want to say thanks for being with me when i need help. No matter as my chauffeur to fetch me anywhere, or as a financial support to treat me nice food, or a rubbish bin to let me throw away my moaning and bad experiences, i really really appreciate you as my friend! 

     This is my second semester now. I have 3 compulsary psychology subject, 1 LAN subject, which is moral studies and 1 elective subject- principles of management. I was quite excited on the starting of this semester because i thought ‘ finally i do not have classes at 8am early in the morning!’ But the truth is I do have classes at 8am. sad…

     I do not really salient enough this semester. I was very blur and confusing. Confuse about the time table, now getting better.  Confuse about the fund raising project, hope can do it succesfully. Confuse about the research proposal, what topic we should conduct. Confuse about the assignments, how to do and when to submit. Confuse about the elective subject. There are dozens of confusion within me. What the hell is going on now? My mind and body seems like separated from each other. I just couldn’t handle things properly. I just do not have the mood to study. Maybe i am still in Chinese New Year mood, hoping to enjoy this festival and gathering with my primary and secondary friends. It was extremely enjoyable and full with excitement. I still in that flow now.

     I am now facing quite big challenges. I have to organize a fund raising project. I really wanted to figure out a good idea to raise as much as i can to help the 3 organizations. The more i wanted to do it well, the more i feel stress and helpless. I do not have the confidence to make it work. Do i underestimates my ability? Or i really do not have the ability to do so? Can get someone to give me some hints to help me? Gosh, i need help…