Well, it wasn’t love I guess, and I am okay with that. I just have to learn to get rid of this attraction/ attachment problem; it’s killin’ me! And I still have to find love. But I don’t need that now; I have to focus on school! If I want to be a doctor, I need to study harder! Once I become a doctor, I am going to help mother with the bills and stuff. We are starting to get into poverty. Our income is less than 35k I believe. I heard that if by next year, your family is not bringing in at least 100k, you’re gonna be in poverty. I believe it! So I have to get a job, and study like crazy. We cannot afford to lose the house; we wouldn’t have any where to go. I am really hoping Hilary wins now; she helped us out of the last problem, so she can help now! Now I am not trying to advertise or anything, but she did help us the last time her husband was in office… she can help us now people. Don’t get me wrong, Obama seems like he might be able to do it too, but we can’t just assume…. We need to get out four sure! and Hilary can do it!

Also, my “fans” or readers, I have some new art posted up! Mainly fan art I believe… Magical School Girl and Death Note. Check it out, please? Thanks

http://pandi-painter.deviantart[dot]com/

(I don’t know if I can post links ;] )

I am so confused! Okay, so the other night I was on a website that has a chat room. No I do not go on there for.. weird stuff. I go on there to just chat about NORMAL stuff. Well, I was on there and I started talking to this one person about my “germophobia”. First off, I am NOT a Germophobe. But we started talking and all, and he was so accurate on my feelings and stuff. It scared the poo out of me! Seriously… and then we talked on the phone. Boy at first, I did not know why I would give a stranger my phone number. We talked for like one and a half hours. It is weird… and I realized I have an attraction problem… as in, someone is nice to me and then, BAM, for some reason I like them. Infaturation I believe it’s called. Eh, so now I know that my “love” for the other two guys may be that too…
Hopefully this week: councilor. Eh.

Cupid is on a roll! So I was talking about you know who, right? How I am in love with this 23 year old guy, and yet I am only 16. -sob- He has the greatest personality…. dorky…. I love it! Though he is very religious. That is okay with me, seriously, but I am an Atheist, and I don’t know what he would think of that. Would he be accepting? Would he be against it and try to convert me? And if he does that, do I pretend so I can be with him? I don’t want to live a lie. I constantly question myself “Why do you like him?” because we barely speak. But when we do… I don’t know. Well the last time I actually talked to him, it was when I was in his house watching the kids for his mom… and he was in a towel… talk about a romance movie moment. I don’t even watch those and I know that! He is pretty foxy to… total bonus to the personality. Oy, but other than that, my friend, who is 17, is in love with a 29 year old! Its like… wow! Cupid! What is with you! You’re just attacking us young girls with your glittery arrows! I seriously think she has a good chance with him. I stand no chance with the guy I like, cause seriously, those romance movies say they go for the personalities… but you know that is is because the woman is drop-dead gorgeous. I am not beautiful what so ever… and he has this epic body… I bet he is looking for some beauty rather than a caring ugly person like me. That is society: the beautiful people with the beautiful people, the ugly with the ugly. Wow… I guess it is all about looks these days. eh… I am destined to be a young miserable doctor.

Eh, totally talked about my last crush… that lasted about a year or so? What ever. Anyway, him and I are like friends now… only a select few actually knew that I liked him. Eh, anyway, I totally dropped him. I hope that doesn’t make it look like I am one of those types of girls, but I just question myself: what on earth did I ever see in him? I don’t know why I liked him… seriously. It wasn’t looks, and it wasn’t personality. Maybe personality… I don’t know. Lately I have been thinking of his brother though… he is going to college to be a nurse! Can you believe that?? I CAN’T!!! Well I can… but the point is that I want to go to school to become a doctor! That means he has a medical sense! That is a total bonus! The only problem with this new “crush” is that I only like his looks and the fact that he is going to be a nurse. He is sweet too; he always says hi to me, and it is not just a “Hi” it is a “Hey [Panda]”. Instead of “Panda” he says my name, but I don’t want to post that on here. =) It makes me feel special, because my old crush would never do that. Even my friends don’t say that to me. He even smiles! XD -dies-
-revived-
I wonder if he respects my opinion on religion… he is quite religious… Oh what am I saying? He is older than me! Probably 21 at most. Then again, it is only a number… I am so ugly though! He is so attractive! I am fat. Men these days don’t go for personality! They go for looks! WHY!? -dies again-