Wow, I just feel like typing I guess. Mainly about what I want to do.
When I am in class staring off at the distance, I think of that one place I want to be rather than school, what I would love to be doing rather than sitting in a desk. Everyday I think of that sunset that is my display image at the time [the blue sunset]. In class I think of that picture, how pure and beautiful the colours are on my monitor. it is just….i dont know, it is just that wonderful, there is not real word to describe what it does to my mind and my heart. I wish I lived in such a place because seeing it with your own eyes is way better than looking at a photograph. Maybe one day, after medical school, I will live in a place like that, A place where I can just look outside and see that before I shut my curtains rather than the plain-jane white skies I see here. One day, sittin outside under a palm tree, sippin’on a Pina colada, looking at the sun go to the other side of the earth and the moon swimming into view. One day….

You guys won’t believe how happy I am!! For the past weekend, I have been researching on living and going to college in Japan. I did some research and realised that there is no way I can learn enough Japanese in a year to go to a medical university there so I went to Plan B: finding an academy there that will teach me the level of Japanese that I need to know. I found one that is relatively cheap. The problem with going to a college over there: no free tuition. See, If I want the government to pay for my college, I have to go to a university here in Wisconsin. I was kinda shattered because I did all that research and BAM payment idea popped up. I was talking to my mom; she can’t get a loan, yada yada, and so she said that I should call my father and ask him if the government will pay for colleges outside of the States. I called and he said that if I provided a legitimate reason as to why I want to go to college over there then they will pay. I was so excited!!! I also have to bring my GPA up, but I can do that It is at an average now So now in a little over a year I might be over in Japan learning Japanese so I can go to a Med School there!!! I am so ecstatic!!! I didn’t think that my dad would approve of it at all but he is going to help me!!! XD
And I am hoping that my friend will be able to go with me! She is going to talk to her parents about it. I am going to get a job to help her pay for it if they won’t, or if they only pay for half. Its 6,000 first semester. I really hope she will go with me.

Ok, it turned out that he likes a girl… a girl who is WAY prettier than me. I found out today. When she told me, I was broken. I was speechless. I tried not to show my sorrow and anger but it felt like someone dug their hand deep into my chest and ripped my heart out. I don’t think she noticed though-that is good. I was so depressed for a while, and I became angry. I also became suicidal. But what was I thinking? Him liking me? Puh-lease. I am not beautiful, but she is. I wanted to cry though. I wanted to cry till I passed out from the painful headache that I get usually get after 15 minutes of sobbing. I couldn’t concentrate on my classes after that, and lunch was a drag. How could he lead me on like that? Be so nice to me and what not, then BAM! He was going to ask her out. If I could, I would have just curled up into a ball onto the floor and died. I didn’t really want to cause a scene though, so I tried to pass it off. It was hard to do, but then I realised I kinda got over him. Maybe he was just a silly crush… one that lasted about a year and a half. I guess I interpreted all the clues wrong though. Maybe instead he wanted to be my friend? Why though? We have totally different views on… everything. There isn’t much that we don’t disagree on. Ugh… how could I be such a fool? -_-” And now I question myself; what did I see in him? What was it that just made me fall in love? In love with a complete dork. A boy who tries so hard to fit in with a crowd of people that really don’t suit him. I mean come on! He wears girl pants now. I know you shouldn’t bash on peoples’ styles and looks but… please… And he wears a belt yet his pants are still below his bottom! A lot of boys at school are like that… its absurd. And his hair… well, he cut it but it looked ok. His build is ok… Oh who am I kiddin’? He is good looking, but that shouldn’t be the reason for love! It should be his personality! Though he can be nice and all, he can be a complete jerk! One time he left me at school! I had to stay there till 4:30! >:0 I was furious! And sometimes he kinda makes fun of my look- weight, hair, etc. Sometimes I just want to -enter macabre action here-. So obviously it wasn’t his personality… or it could have been, my mind just doesn’t want me to really think that. That probably did not make much sense, but it did to me… One day I will be pretty though. And if he were to come to me then, I will probably reject him. It would make my thoughts of him even lower. It basically would be saying that I had to lose all this weight just to get his attention. It shouldn’t be my looks; it should be my personality, my outlook on life. I would feel… I don’t know how to describe it really, but it has nothing to do with good. Plus I have a feeling that the girl will reject him too if he actually asks her; she likes some other guy. He loses, and I win for finally getting over him.

Wow it has been ages since I was last on here… Kinda got caught up in school. I realised that I actually use this as a diary… isn’t that what a blog is though?? Maybe.
Ok, there is this guy that I really like, and according to the world and some, he likes me back. Well a few days ago, that guy I really like got really really sick. He had to go to the hospital. Apparently he has mono… the “Kissing Disease”. At first I freaked out because I like him, especially when I saw the I.V. port still stuck in his arm when he came home to get some things (he is my neighbour). I had to go over there and watch the daycare kids. Well, his mom was trying to explain stuff to me but my mind was fixed on that I.V. port at the time. Seeing as I am madly in love with this boy and he was really really sick, I told him that I hoped he started to feel better. He said thanks. And on the phone he seemed so life-less. He even looked like a zombie. Well, that same night, I sent him a text message saying “I hope you are starting to feel better (assuming that you are getting this message tomorrow or so)” Did I get a response? No. I assumed that it was because he is in the hospital and that you shouldn’t have your cell phone on in the hospital. I kinda passed it off. Well, the next day I found out that he was texting this other girl >:0 I was so pissed! I send a text hoping that he starts to feel better, but for some reason texting some -explicit name- is more important! >:0 UGH! That is a total smack to the face! I so hate being ugly!
I considered all the possibilities: my message not getting sent, or me not getting his message (it wouldn’t be the first time) In the end, I am still angry with him. I was told that he was going to be in the hospital for another two weeks… He deserves it! D: