That’s what half the people ended up doing. I was always the last one on the line because I started it, and if I hung up, everyone would be disconnected from each other.

I wonder if that says anything about my life…

Everything started in sixth grade. I hit a girl on the back of her head, and my world changed. I somehow ended up with a best friend.

She had other friends whom all I met, and then I started to make my own and pull them in. I slowly learned not to hurt or punish, and what it was like to be included in a laugh instead of being at the point of it’s direction. I unconsciously surrounded myself with people, and my ties only grew stronger as I got older.

High school brought me another family. Some lied, and cheated, and ruined themselves, but I stuck with them regardless. I had never grown so close to people before in my life, and it was as tiring as it was refreshing. I became the link in all of them. Two would meet, have a relationship, and end it, but because I refused to cut ties with someone for their affairs with another, I was the one each would go to and ask if the other was okay. I was a center in the mess of people, but I didn’t want it and I faded away.

Not to say that I left them all, just the ones I never had a good grasp on. They could carry on without me and forget I was ever there. But others depended on me-so I settled to focus on them instead. Sarah, who never had clothes that fit her or someone to care. I gave her a home. Kortlyn, who-overall-didn’t trust humanity. I trusted for her. Leah, who’s best friend moved downtown. I filled that space. Jordan, who needed someone to understand. Through difficulty and anger, I did. More than anyone. I focused on loving them and chose not to care about my falling grades. They were enough.

Until I had to leave.

But strangely, as important as I thought I was, nothing changed when I left. Sarah moved long before I did. Kortlyn has other friends to rely on. Leah occupies herself with the chaos of life as it is, and hopes for us living together in the future. Jordan understands, and that’s all there needs to be.

I always thought that if I left, someone might fall apart. But maybe I was just holding onto that because I needed assurance. I needed to feel important in some way and I found it through them. Because while they may not think about me often, I revel in how much I miss them every day.

I always thought that they would fall apart when really, it was me.