I wonder if anyone else gets this feeling.

Where you get an ache in your chest and you feel sad for absolutely no reason?

I’m sick of it.

Is it too much to ask to smile? That’s all I want. To smile and laugh and to mean it. I used to do it all the time. With friends. I always forget how much I enjoy their company. I guess it was because that ache follows me everywhere.

But it wasn’t their fault. They always cheered me up without meaning to. I feel selfish for wanting to be alone so much. Avoiding them just so that I could go home and sleep. Now all I am is alone. Isn’t that the way it works? You never appreciate something as much until it’s gone. Right?

I think i’m just spewing out things. I just…want the ache to go away. I want them to make it go away.

 

Because without them here, there’s nothing to stop me from crying.