<-(Bah. She’s not preggers. Oh well. It was exciting for that moment anyway.)

On another note: I’ve been getting into Japanese Dramas lately. They’re pretty much romantic comedies put into hour long shows. NO! I know what you’re thinking! It’s not the same as soap operas, I promise. People don’t die left and right then come back to life out of nowhere. I couldn’t handle that stupidity. But it is a bit mushy and very girl audience oriented.

Anyway, they got me thinking a lot about how alone i’ve been the past month and how I haven’t dated in two years. Some people would call me insane, i’m sure, but i’m used to being alone. That’s why watching those dramas makes me both envious and afraid. It would be nice to have someone to be with, but every time the oppurtunity comes up it’s always someone I don’t want. To make it worse, there’s more than one person involved and I have to ‘make a choice.’ It’s like those dramas are reflecting my bad experiences. Except in the end…the girl ends up with who she’s meant to be with.

And I end up alone.

I’m probably just being picky. It’s not like there was anything wrong with the guys…but i’ve always thought that you weren’t supposed to just settle for someone. Even if that person loves you with all of their heart, if you don’t love them back what good does it do? And yet everyone yells ‘Just settle! Just settle!’ as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. I don’t understand. Is there not a person out there that I will want? Will there really not be a person I can love truthfully?

I don’t understand.

This whole thing makes me feel like a child-which, in a way, I still am. Perhaps my view is simply naive and irritating to everyone else. I wouldn’t know. I’m just confused about what to do…what to wait for. And yet i’m certain that there is a person i’m waiting for. There has to be someone, right?

Because if I don’t find someone I love in my lifetime, i’m not going to settle. I’ll end up as I started-alone.

Eeeh…sorry for talking in circles. I tend to do that a lot. But anyway, at 2am I was trying to go to sleep when I thought about this and some writing just spewed out of me. Enjoy.

[Song of the day: Planetarium by Ai Otsuka]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Do Anything

Even if I had to travel across the world
And fight all on my own
Just to meet you once
I would

Even if I had to find my way through the dark
And face all my fears
Just to meet you once
I would

Even if I had to bear the heat of the sun
And burn a thousand times over
Just to meet you once
I would

Even if I had to bow down to my enemies
And take a knife to the back
Just to meet you once
I would

Just to meet you once
To hear you say my name
And see a smile on your face
I would