I can still smell you, feel you… I can still see your eyes on mine. I can hear your words… I remember our promises, our future… you said: “we have a lifetime”… maybe that was the problem… we didn’t have a lifetime, no one does.

I’m here, I’m here loving you even more than I did yesterday…  maybe tomorrow, you’ll be here by my side, maybe tomorrow, there will be an us in you and I.

I recently met a guy that “captured” my attention since I first read his blog (yes people, I met him while blogging). He seemed like a smart, sensible guy (two very important characteristics to capture my attention) and I just added him to my MSN contact list. We started chatting. He is a father of two, separated (not divorced) and is currently “dating”. It didn’t matter, I was just happy to have a new friend.

Somehow and unexpectedly, we (yes, WE) fell in love. Since we realized this, our lives have been a roller-coaster. He is dating people! And I’ve been in the awkward situation where 1. I had to choose between my current boyfriend and the “new guy” and 2. my “current date” had to choose between me and the “new girl”. Both times extremely difficult situations. Both times with OK results… not easy, but definitely what was expected… I don’t regret a thing and I understand where he’s standing…

This “new guy” invited me to lunch last Friday. We had a GREAT time. We haven’t even kissed, we just talk, and talk, and talk… he has a girlfriend and I REALLY like this guy so… At night on Friday, we chatted over the computer and had (again) a great time, we said “good night, till tomorrow” and went to sleep. Since then, he has disappeared.

I know I shouldn’t jump into conclusions, but… I AM in love people!!! Feeling uncertain and worried only shows I care. Who knows what’s going to happen, I know: let it flow… it’s SO hard!!!!

Yes, I AM in love, for the first time in 10 years, I AM in love… Damn!

I so miss those days!

My friend says you are deeply in love with me. You said it once “we are getting to a level of intimacy that I cannot handle”… ???? Why do we complicate things when they are as easy as falling in love with someone?

I do miss you. I know there are things that I don’t like about you, but I do miss you, I miss your company, your words, your laugh… watching T.V. together, breakfast in the morning… I wonder if I will ever have that kind of life… I DO miss you!

My sisters, both older than me, have given me everything (even some headaches!). They are both strong women, professionals, and wonderful human beings.

This is just a little something for them… for me to remind myself that they are out there.

To them and my life sisters: thank you!

Told you! Kitty and I are the same age. 33 - mystic number, age of Jesus.

We can only expect good things.

Who knew it?! She is English…

Halloween brings memories of my childhood. Way back in the past, when I was a baby, my mom used to call me “pumpkin”. Maybe in the U.S. and Europe, that is a common nickname for a baby, but not in Mexico. I really liked it, but suddenly, one day, they stopped. I think I was to old to be called “pumpkin”.

Every Halloween night (strangely enough it was not on the Day of the Death), we visited a friend of my mom and we went trick or treating around her block. It was AH-MAZING! My witch disguise (good witch, I don’t have a mean face), my pumpkin to put all the candy in it, my sisters, my mom holding my hand…

Now, I am the aunt. Not just any kind of aunt but “the aunt”. So today it’s all about my nephews and their friends. Making sure they can have fun, fun, fun, so they can create their own Halloween memories.

Today is the 5th or 6th day it’s been cold. Not as cold as a winter night in New York, but definitely as cold as a fall night. If I go out, I can smell the cold wind… it’s not summer anymore, not even fall. It smells like winter in Mexico City.

I love that smell! It makes me travel through time to when I was a child. My mom used to love winter. I do too. You can layer up, hug someone, cuddle (if you have a special someone), walk holding hands and smell the cold wind, feel it on your face and make it go with a kiss.

I love winter! I just wish you were here… or I had a special someone… maybe soon.

So many thing to remember, so many stories, learning moments, surprises… She was strong, Austrian and Mexican for more than 40 years. She married a Mexican man (my dad) and left home to follow him. She created a new life in a foreign country but never let go her Austrian roots… she made them part of our life.

Five months without her, five months missing her and crying and crying… five months of mourning.

Thirty three years have passed… 26 years since my first Hello Kitty toy. I just can’t believe I’m here still loving it. I think it’s cheesy, too pink, too sweet, too cute… I simply love it!

Jumping to the past is inevitable. We need memories to make connections and to understand the present, to create new dreams to fulfill, to create a balance of what had happened.

I just need to write in English, I need to write and feel free while I do it… no assessments, no evaluations, just write…

This is my space to feel free, to jump to the past and understand what’s going on with the present… it’s just one more space.