Halloween brings memories of my childhood. Way back in the past, when I was a baby, my mom used to call me “pumpkin”. Maybe in the U.S. and Europe, that is a common nickname for a baby, but not in Mexico. I really liked it, but suddenly, one day, they stopped. I think I was to old to be called “pumpkin”.

Every Halloween night (strangely enough it was not on the Day of the Death), we visited a friend of my mom and we went trick or treating around her block. It was AH-MAZING! My witch disguise (good witch, I don’t have a mean face), my pumpkin to put all the candy in it, my sisters, my mom holding my hand…

Now, I am the aunt. Not just any kind of aunt but “the aunt”. So today it’s all about my nephews and their friends. Making sure they can have fun, fun, fun, so they can create their own Halloween memories.

In Mexico we don’t usually have very cold winters, at least not in Mexico City. After three years of living in New York, coming back to Mexico has been quite an experience. I, obviously, see things differently.

Today is the 5th or 6th day it’s been cold. Not as cold as a winter night in New York, but definitely as cold as a fall night. If I go out, I can smell the cold wind… it’s not summer anymore, not even fall. It smells like winter in Mexico City.

I love that smell! It makes me travel through time to when I was a child. My mom used to love winter. I do too. You can layer up, hug someone, cuddle (if you have a special someone), walk holding hands and smell the cold wind, feel it on your face and make it go with a kiss.

I love winter! I just wish you were here… or I had a special someone… maybe soon.

Five months since she left her body, five months since she died. I miss her like hell… she was (IS) my mom.

So many thing to remember, so many stories, learning moments, surprises… She was strong, Austrian and Mexican for more than 40 years. She married a Mexican man (my dad) and left home to follow him. She created a new life in a foreign country but never let go her Austrian roots… she made them part of our life.

Five months without her, five months missing her and crying and crying… five months of mourning.

Thirty three years have passed… 26 years since my first Hello Kitty toy. I just can’t believe I’m here still loving it. I think it’s cheesy, too pink, too sweet, too cute… I simply love it!

Jumping to the past is inevitable. We need memories to make connections and to understand the present, to create new dreams to fulfill, to create a balance of what had happened.

I just need to write in English, I need to write and feel free while I do it… no assessments, no evaluations, just write…

This is my space to feel free, to jump to the past and understand what’s going on with the present… it’s just one more space.

OMG! I just read that Hello Kitty and I are the exact same age! How cool is that! Maybe that’s why we have had a special connection throughout the years. I haven’t forgotten her and I still have Hello Kitty things from when I was a little kid.

Thirty three and still counting!

Thanks!