These past days, I noticed that Vito’s wetter than usual even with his large size diapers. Is this a sign that I should start to toilet train him? Or is it still too early?Some say that a child can be toilet trained as early as 18 months but others think that it’s better to intervene at 2 years or more. Vito’s nearing 18 months. I’m just concerned that I might not be able to teach him well.

According to Freud’s psychosexual stages of development, toilet training may result to an anal retentive or anal expulsive personality depending on the response of the child and these may have long-term effects on a child’s character.

Freud labeled on character type the ANAL RETENTIVE, the child who learns to hold back his or her feelings to gain the approval of others. If training or punishment is too strict, the child may learn to defend himself from being guilty by becoming compulsively near, orderly, obedient, and by holding back his feelings and needs.

Anal-retentives learn to live up to the expectations of others to avoid punishment and to receive praise. Forever after they may become dependent on others for their feelings of self-worth. They may have to “achieve” to win the affection and attention of others to make them feel worthy. Often the “over-achievers” in the world are anal-retentive character types. Some may become compulsive “workaholics”, dependent for their identity and worth on their achievement at work.

The ANAL-EXPULSIVE character type is self-confident, assertive, outgoing and is relatively uninhibited. The expulsive expresses feelings easily and is independent in thought and action. A persuasive, expressive type, the expulsive is often chosen to be a leader. Expulsives have a low tolerance for frustration. They are the two-year old who wants his way and may “blow up” in a temper tantrum if something stands in the way of their pleasure.

Expulsives tend to be disorganized and messy, but very creative and imaginative. Expulsives live life on their own schedules and are often late. They feel little shame or guilt for their actions. Expulsives are self-confident, free and spontaneous in action, but rarely predictable. Expulsives tend to be sensation-seekers who love adventure and travel. Psychodynamic Development

With these facts, I have to make sure that Vito is ready for toilet training. I don’t wanna be too strict or too lenient, either. It’s a difficult stage and one day, I have to face it head on.

I saw this toilet training ad from Japan (via YouTube). Check it out. You might learn from it!

How did you toilet train your child? Or are you also about to toilet train your child?

An Ode to Mom

Almost five years have passed since my father died. After his untimely demise, mom has stood both as a mother and a father to me. And in some way, I think I have not given her due credit for that. I grew up idolizing my father. His was a story that inspires me so much to succeed and make a difference. Yet, all those years I never realized that behind my father’s success was a loving and motivating wife. I never realized that mom was powerfully working in the background. And today, I would like to talk about HER: my friend, confidant, protector, my father and my mother. Mom, this is for you.

I admit that I am not always so easy to handle. I am stubborn, a girl who has a free mind. Independent-minded and relaxed as I am, I know mom has had a hard time dealing with my strong yet carefree personality. Yet, mom never grew tired of reminding me of my duties and responsibilities as her daughter. She never fails in recognizing my abilities and correcting my faults. As a daughter, I feel I have messed up some things but mom stays by my side unceasingly with her unconditional love. And I feel twice the pain whenever I cause her heartaches.

She had a lot of stories to share about how she felt when I was still in her womb and what were the things that she did. She sang songs and read fairy tales to me so I would come out as a good singer and a good speaker. She believed that in doing so, I would become a more intelligent and talented person.

True enough, I grew up passionate about music and singing. I joined singing contests during my childhood in Davao City and once, tried the Metropop Songwriting Festival with my friend and ally, Winfred. I, too, grew up as a straight-A student, notching honorific citations and awards from elementary to college. Well, maybe mom knew about Stephen Covey’s “begin with the end in my mind”. Haha. Even during her conception with me, she already had a picture of what I am going to be and more or less, it came to be me.

Whenever I am away from home, I would feel incomplete. It is because my sense of home lies within mom. It is that certain feeling of security and belongingness that only she can fill. Mom is really a great mom. I am confident because she believes in me and she is honest about the way she feels. She would tell me if I look awesome or if I look devastated. She knows when something is wrong without me telling her about it. I guess that’s what they call mother’s instincts which eventually lead to mothers know best. Is it a result of getting nourishment through their umbilical cord or is is just a law of nature? Well, I really do not know. But I hope that whatever that is, I hope my kids and I would share the same connection.

It’s hard to admit that it’s only know that I have come to fully appreciate my mother. From her worrying nature to her warmth and loving ways to the nagging morning wake-up routine. Everything seems so beautiful now, her strengths and fallibility… She’s a woman. She’s my mom and my dad. And she’s so good at it you’d think she’s a pro. Love you mom.

My gift to my mom and mother-in-law:

My mother-in-law

My Mom, the bestest in the world

I made those using Photoshop. Thanks to the downloadable page kits available over the internet.

A lot of people greeted me on Mother’s Day. Too bad, I don’t know them all because my mobile phone was reformatted. Anyway, thanks to everyone who greeted me! Much love! Mommyness is pure happiness!

I was reading about Yoga over the Internet and amazingly, after some Nth clicks, I was brought to a page about parenting yoga in Xiamen. It showed photos of a recent yoga session campaign in China, which endeavored ‘to tap the intelligence potential of the babies.’ I found it very interesting since one of the things Vito likes very much during his playtime with his dad resembles photo#3. It got me curious and was led to several more sites on yoga for kids.

Some points I got from my readings:

1. Babies receive many benefits from yoga, especially from the bond it fosters between parent and child.
2. Babies who move with freedom as well as intentional guidance learn early about relating to gravity and relating to people.
3. The physical contact of a loving adult fosters trust and starts baby on the lifelong journey of learning about relationships—to one’s self, to others, and to the world. This contact can also ease a young child’s nervous system while bolstering his immunity, circulation, and physical growth.
4. When children learn techniques for self-health, relaxation, and inner fulfillment, they can navigate life’s challenges with a little more ease.
5. Yoga with children offers many possibilities to exchange wisdom, share good times, and lay the foundation for a lifelong practice that will continue to deepen.
6. Yoga with baby can serve as a microcosm of our parenting as we experiment with how to be with our babies, read their cues, let go of our agendas, and respond to challenging moments in a safe, loving space.
7. People clean their bodies, but they don’t clean their minds. Paying attention and having quiet time to cleanse the mind needs to be a practice. If our children see us honor this, they will honor it also.

If you too are becoming interested in parenting yoga, read the full articles here: Yoga to Bolster Baby Development, Yoga for Kids, Mindful Parenting on and off the Mat

Being devoid of the faculty of swimming is one of my frustrations. Then, I married a man who, like me, cannot swim. The worst I could think of is for my kids to inherit the same incapacity.

Yesterday, I introduced Vito to swimming. I know it’s kind of late. Vito is already a year old. Others as early as a few months old are already exposed to swimming. I guess what really took me so long is my personal fear and the process of overcoming that fear for my little one.

I bought Vito a small pool and his own swimming trunks Monday evening. Then, yesterday, he finally had his initiation.

It is really heartwarming to see Vito learning to swim. It makes me think of the many things he can enjoy.

Being an environmentalist, I have always seen not being able to swim as a deficiency. It has robbed me the opportunity to fully enjoy nature, to confidently snorkel, dive, and try other water activities.

Vito, mum’s wish for you is that you’ll be able to experience life in all its beauty: breathtaking sceneries, interaction with nature, and being able to commune with the earth incessantly, without limits, without reservation.

Being a first-time mom is really exciting. I remember the time I was on maternity leave, all I did was compile Vito’s special photos. I designed his album and wrote little notes on each memorable event from Vito’s point of view (e.g. The first time mom and dad brought me home, I was such a cry baby. I cried all night. Probably I was still adjusting to the environment. I’m used to having water all around me. I miss Mommy’s tummy.)

Yesterday, while I was on the Internet, I discovered the wonders of digital scrapbooking. After reading about it and finding free layout kits, I started to make my first ever digital scrapbook page - Vito’s 1st Haircut.

Vito just got his haircut after his 1st birthday. I was carrying my digital camera and my amateur photography skills with me while we were at the kids salon. I was anxious at first that Vito might not be that comfortable with seeing scissors and all but he was actually pretty cool about it. I think it helped that my hubby was there with him.

I think I’ll be doing more of this digital scrapbooking.

Last Saturday, I went to a friend’s birthday party at UPLB. I saw some of my college friends again. D, a male friend, brought his wife with him who was eight months pregnant. When I saw his pregnant wife, I remembered the time I was still carrying Vito in my womb.I was probably at my most health-conscious state during those nine special months of nursing Vito inside me. I was always on the Internet searching for information on pregnancy, proper nutrition, sex life during pregnancy, and other related topics. I also bought some books and magazines to keep myself in the loop when it comes to parenting, motherhood, and pregnancy topics.

Of the many information I got during my pregnancy, the most helpful was the one on food additives to look out for while expecting. Sadly, almost all food on our grocery shelves are in some way glazed with some form of food additive to increase shelf life or to add flavor or taste or improve aesthetics. Knowing this, pregnant women should know what to buy and what not to buy on their next stop at the grocery store.

Mommies, look at the list of ingredients of the products you are purchasing. If it contains any of the following below, then make sure to avoid them:

1.] Artificial food colorings. Although most food colors are safe, there are a few others that pregnant women should look out for. It’s definitely a red light for the following food colors - blue 1, blue 2, green 3, red 3 and yellow 6.

If the food label does not disclose the food colors used and just puts the words “artificial coloring,” please do not buy them. Artificial food colors are linked to attention deficit and hyperactivity in children. It was also referred to as a possible carcinogen.

2.] MSG (Monosodium glutamate). MSG is a common food additive especially in Asian foods. It is synthetically-made and is used to enhance flavor and taste.

“There has been some research studies looking at MSG’s potential for causing birth defects in animals. In high doses, the additive has been found to cross the placenta and cause damage in a developing mice’s brain. It has also has been linked to behavioral problems. But this has all yet to be substantiated, especially in human studies and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) believes that MSG is safe to eat for the majority of the population.” (Is MSG Safe During Pregnancy, Pregnancy Today)

3.] Olean. Otherwise known as olestra, olean is a fat substitute mostly used in snacks and chips. It does not directly harm an expectant mom or her baby but this additive has been shown to deplete important vitamins ADEK and may cause nutrients to be poorly absorbed. It may also cause digestive discomfort. Thus, olean may just deny you and your baby the important nutrients needed by your body.

4.] Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, saccharin, sucralose).

Aspartame was said to be safe for the general public. However, there is an exception for pregnant women with PKU, or phenylketonuria. PKU is a metabolic disorder wherein a person cannot break down phenylalanine properly.

“If these women consume products that contain aspartame, the phenylalanine builds up in their bodies, possibly causing their babies to be born with severe mental disabilities.” (Food Additives/Preservatives and Pregnancy, Pregnancy Weekly)

In addition, aspartame is used to cut calories. On the contrary, pregnant women should have high calorie intake to ensure the proper growth and development of her baby. Thus, it is recommended that women avoid aspartame during pregnancy.

Saccharine was one of the first artificial sweeteners ever made. Although it is no longer as abundant in the market as before, it is still advised that pregnant women check the food labels of what they eat.

“Saccharine can cross the placenta barrier into fetal blood, and a fetus is much slower to clear the saccharine from its blood than the mom. So if you are consuming large amounts of saccharin, it may accumulate in the baby’s bladder and potentially increase its risk for bladder problems or possibly even bladder cancer.” (Saccharine: Safe during Pregnancy?)

Sucralose, also known under the trade name splenda, has been considered safe for most people, including pregnant women.

“Sucralose being used in a variety of products including baked goods, dessert items, salad dressings, dairy substitutes, beverages and beverage mixes, jams and jellies, syrups, coffee, tea and chewing gum.” (Splenda: Safe during Pregnancy?)

Even so, because as mentioned earlier, artificial sweeteners reduce calorie intake. Thus, a pregnant woman might not be able to take in the sufficient calories and fats needed to have a healthy pregnancy.

List all the additives down and make sure that whatever you pull out from the grocery shelf is safe for you and your baby. Happy pregnancy!!!

Vito @ 7 days and hubby

What really got me to thinking about this was a recent article saying that many parents admit they bribe their child. Vito is just a year and two months old but I admit, I think I am guilty of bribing my kid. It never occurred to me before that I was already unconsciously doing it, until I read that article.One particular example is this: Vito does not like wearing caps or anything on his head. To convince him to put on a cap on a sunny day or during a nighttime stroll, I tell him “Vito, wear your hat. If you do, I’ll bring you to your grand dad.”

There is nothing wrong about rewarding our kids as long it is done the right way, as a way to improve their performance rather than just to make them perform or do things. Rewards should be viewed as adding value to something.

The problem about overdoing the rewards system of parenting is that our children tend to do something to gain something, in turn, making them lose the essence of why do it in the first place. As mentioned in the article I read, there was a child who would not brush his teeth without asking what he’ll get in return. That’s just too depressing. I don’t know how I would react if that would happen to me.

As I evaluate my own childhood, there were things I did to get rewards. However, my parents were able to explain to me the value of doing things. To me, the best reward I ever had was to see my parents so proud of me. That meant more to me than the money my dad used to give me when I topped an exam in college, an ice cream gallon [my choice of flavor] when I got an award in elementary, or a dinner at a fine dining restaurant in town.

Parents just have to communicate to their child the benefits of doing good and not emphasize on the reward. We parents should make our point by illustrating the reward as icing on the cake and the real fulfillment is getting things done the good, right, or proper way.

Have you experienced being “bribed” as a child?
Do you “bribe” your child?
Will you “bribe” your child?

Tell me about it.