Okay so I was reading this thing that was like OMG so familiar. Because it’s pretty much my life story of a few months back. And then reading it stirred up all these emotions, and well yeah. I need to blog.
So maybe I’m not like the best person to ask, since I’ve only had like one relationship in my life. Which makes me much more less experienced than most people my age. But I do know that if you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to feel like shit. I’m speaking from experience on this one.
When the shitty lonely feelings start to sink in, you’re all like “maybe it will pass, and it will go back to how it was in the beginning” Well you know what? everything is always good in the beginning. Everything is so nice and lovey dovey, heels over head pure bliss and ecstasy of love and warm fuzzy feelings during those first few months. When he calls everyday, and you fall asleep on the phone together, and you have deep, and (what seems like it at the time) meaningful conversations.
It’s as the time goes on where things become challenging. When you have to ask yourself “Am I still happy?” When he stops calling, and conversations are cut down to 5 minutes instead of endless hours. When seeing each other likeee once a week is cut down to once a month. But you can’t seem to let go because you’re in love. Because you remember the time when he said “My love for you is like that of a sea horse, if I ever lost you I would die.” (Okay it sounds stupid, but at the time it sounded sweet because i was surprised he even remembered my rambling about how seahorses mate for life, and if their mate dies then so do they.) And you keep thinking of all the silly high off love things you two said and did, because you’re cursed with an awfully TOO good memory. And so you think maybe it will get better in time.
But chances are, that it wont.
Then again, it might. And if it does, well good for you.
Anywayssssssss;
Back to my point.
You need to just leave if you start feeling unhappy.
Leave if you begin to realize, that he has no intention of seeing you again… Or maybe he does want to see you, but he just seems like he doesn’t because every time you say “Lets do something” he’ll say in a very unenthusiastic voice, “I need to check my work schedule and I’ll tell you when I have off.” And does he tell you when he has off? NO HE DOESN’T.
Or when you ask him “How do you think our relationship is going?” and he says “I don’t know, how do YOU think it’s going?” You should just know right there that he thinks its not going very well.
BUT YOU DON’T TAKE THE SIGNS SERIOUSLY
And you know it’s bad when you find out your friends had a long ass conversation about you in McDonalds about how unhappy you seem, and how the relationship is just depleting your vibrantness. Or something like that.
BUT YOU STILL DON’T DO ANYTHING
And you keep asking your friends what to do, and they keep telling you “break up with him” or “talk to him.” and so you decide to go with the ‘talk to him’, cause you don’t want to break up. BUT HE NEVER ANSWERS HIS DAMN PHONE.
And then one night you think your prayers are answered, because OMG he called you. And he’s all like “I’m sorry I don’t call as much anymore” and “I’m sorry we don’t hang out anymore” and “I got my permit, and I’m going to get a truck pretty soon so then we can see each other more.” and “I promise we can do something soon” and Blah blah blah blah, all that good stuff that you wanted to hear, so you can feel like its going work out. Even though deep down, you know he was just high or drunk or something, and feeling bad, and didn’t mean anything.
Then a week goes by. And how many times did he call? Zero. He sent a text that said “hay” (which really irritated me because its spelled HEY). But what the hell. A text is NOT the same as a phone call. And the text conversation lasts about maybe 6 texts. And so you guess you need to keep taking the initiative to call, even though its wasted time. But who cares. You just want to call because you think it will actually help, and because you’re bored out of your fricken mind, and kind of pretty much upset, so you feel like filling his voicemail with stupid messages just to irritate him. And well, you’re not really mad that he never calls when he says he will. You’re just HURT.
THEN OMG HE CALLS
and he’s all like “I need to tell you something” (I totally give him kudos for that line though, because I didn’t think ‘break up’ when he said that) and then you guys talk about how your day was and all that stuff and then he’s like “I think we should just be friends.” And you don’t cry, because you’re above crying, and you’re still in kind of an emotional and mental shock. And he goes on with “There’s a lot of things going on in my life, and the last thing I need is a relationship with you.” (I think he could have totally left out the whole ‘with you’ part. But I suppose he did mean the ‘with you’ part because he didn’t need a relationship with me, but with someone else.) So unoriginal, I know. And then he goes on with saying “I’m sorry” a million and one times. (At this point you’re tearing) And then he makes a BIG DEAL about still being friends, and makes you promise to still be friends. And then he’s like “Does it hurt? Cause this hurts me” and your mind is screaming “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS THEN?!” but of course you don’t say that outloud, you just say “Kind of.” even though it feels like someone is punching you in your stomach repeatedly. (By now you cant see because your eyes are too swollen from tears) And then he says bye, and a long silence follows AND HE DOESN’T HANG UP, and he says “I think you should hang up“. So by this time you’re just crying and wailing like a baby and you cant breathe and need to find your inhaler. And he actually asks “Why are you crying?” and you wail something unintelligible and it takes you a while to calm down. And now he’s talking you through breathing steps so you can breathe again, and you just want him to hang up so you can go and like cut yourself and die. But he just keeps apologizing over and over, and saying that you can still be friends, and then somehow you calm down, and he finally hangs up.
Then you call your BFFFS and they’re all like OMG. And sadly only one is able to come over, because one’s parents said she couldnt come over and the other lives ubber far away. And you cry and drink mexican piss with her, and yeah.
You stay clear from his working place for like a month and a half. And then you feel good enough to go there, and you see him and wave to him since you know, you’re still supposed to be friends. And he waves back. So you’re like okay. But then the next time you go, he totally snobs you, and soooooo you say FUCK HIM. And just don’t wave every time you go grocery shopping. But then people are all like, just say hi and be the better person. So you attempt to say hello, but he likes to pretend he doesn’t know you, so you’re like whatever. And now you just pretend you don’t know each other. But you still tell your friends to be nice and stuff, buttt that doesn’t mean that they will. And there are times when God is like idk. And you actually end up saying Hi, but that was like twice. But most times you just ignore each other.
YAY
OH, but apparently you were still his number one on myspace for a while, and he still has the pictures of you two up. And even though he doesnt go on, he should have changed it all a longggg time ago. Causeee, thats just a little bit weird.
And maybe you think you wont be able to move on. And maybe he will always have some kind of effect on you, but you will move on. Because there are many fish in the sea. And you are just a 106 pound tornado of pure fabulousness, with the ability to make even grown men turn their heads in appreciation. HA!
But then you still feel upset, because you just feel like those EIGHT MONTHS was a total waste of time. Special, and full of great memories. And bad memories. And well, memories. But a waste of time. Because… what the hell did you gain from it?
And you still want to know the REAL reason why he broke up with you, because everyone knows that “I have a lot going on” is the total bullshit excuse everyone uses when they don’t want to say the truth. Everyone says its probably because eight months was too long for him to go without any pussy. If that was the case, then too bad for him, cause who knows maybe if we actually saw each other more, MAYBE he would have gotten something. Or maybe not. But IDK. Whatever.
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