“The One”

Kylie Minogue

I’m the one
Can you hear me?
I’m connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I’ll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering, will you reach me?

Would he hear me? would he make use of logic and give me a chance?

Need to play in a different way, his game is logic, I’ll try his game…

Ok, so I kind of told Leo on saturday that I wanted to talk about our deal. Yesterday he came and exposed his point of why it is too late for me to take things seriously: Gabriel.

I have nothing to do with this guy and he is still ruining my life!

Basically, Leo thinks I chose Gabriel over him, this never happened. At that moment in my life, i had no idea Leo had some level of interest in me and I thought he was dating someone. He is all wrong, but he does not want to understand it.

He gave me so many explanations and run around that I ended up not understanding what he was trying to tell me, he says yes but no, but maybe, I think I am sure about my decision but lets keep things as they are, I am taking care of you and will watch my back with you and this friend of mine, but sorry babe no…. double o___O WHAT?????

He is so complicated! why do I keep on running into complicated guys? Why do I love complications? Why I can’t find a normal guy? well, normal will be boring actually… maybe I like challenges and that’s why I end up with the same type of guy…

My weekend was nice actually.

Friday-Party at Espi’s house with my department coworkers.

The bad: 2 hours trying to get to her house, it’s unbelievable how many cars are out a friday between 5-7 pm. My annoying “shadow”

The good: I laughed a lot, enjoyed, we gave Sara a bottle of Blue Nun gold edition and we all had a glass of wine. I finally made up my mind about Leo.

Saturday - Mom, Leo’s rehearsal, 2 different gigs.

First my sister and I went shopping with my mom, we should have done this before, just the three of us, it was so funny! Then we went to mom’s house, my sister stayed there and I went back home really quick to leave the shopping and then run to pick up Leo.

When I arrived to Pablo’s house (the drummer, where they practice) they were not over yet which was good because I could hear the new song finished, it is only missing the lyrics but Leo already explained me what the song is going to talk about, and I could hear him sing, which is always good.

Then we hit it to a gig where Leo was going to sing.The good: the band making their debut. The bad: The song Leo was supposed to sing with the other band, they didn’t call him and they just kept on playing. He got pissed up and leaved the place. Mau went after him, then came to look for me beacuse Leo wanted to leave.

We went to another gig, everything went good there, then we went to a bar to keep on drinking. Since Leo was pissed off and alcohol was not affecting him, I decided to have fun and that he will drive back. I slept a couple of hours at his house and went back home when he got up to go to work.

I tried to talk to him on Saturday, but he was so mad that it was not possible to talk about it. I hope I am able to talk to him and that my chance is still there. wish me luck

So I’ve been doing some changes in my life, like new hairdo, nose piercing, more party, I got over Gabriel, have some sort of relationship with Leo that I would like to somehow make “official”. concentrating more on the Belly Dance.

But maybe I should consider changing even more. Like live alone, me, my stuffed animals and Luna. maybe change my job. Maybe this last one more than the first one.

I like my job, I love writing, but seriously, answering phone calls does not qualify as answering emails, or does it? According to one of my 2 bosses, it does, and I should just shut up and do as she says.  That’s not motivating at all.

The company is going through a tough situation, it is true, but if a comapny wants to keep the few employees it decided to have on a not so clever decision, they should try to keep you motivated and happy, not just yell at you and tell you “I am the boos, do as I say, I don’t care how you feel”

Everything in life is a cycle, maybe my cycle here has ended and it time to move on.  As my decision to move on in life and stop crying over the spilled milk.

Let’s see what happens, if it time to leave, a new opportunity, better, will appear on it’s own.

Ok, a month and a half ago, Leo told me directly and just this way “I like you, I’m interested in you, I want you to give us a chance” I was like and I was honest with him, at that moment I was still depressed and crying for Gabriel, so I was in no position to have a relationship with anyone, since I had nothing to give back, but a friendship.

Still, we go out sometimes, like friends. Two weeks ago my depression was gone, officially. Right away he asked “then what, you and me?” and  I “take it slowly, I don’t want to run, look what happened last time I ran” and he agreed, telling one more time to please let him know the moment my feelings towards him change.

Well, I think they have changed a little. He left me thinking about everything. And well… I want to give him a chance. I was all decided and gather  enough courage to tell him on Monday, but I was not able to do so for different reasons related to work, and then… courage is gone…. and I am hesitating again….

A couple of my friends who knows the whole story from my past relationships and have seen how I suffered when Gabriel dumped me, have told me to just jump in into the water and swim.

I want to do it. I like him and I have a great time when we are together. After all, it will be just dating and not rushing into a relationship. This time I want to make things right, and avoid being hurt again as bad as Gabe hurt me.

I just needed to write this down, as this helps me organize my head.I will tell him tomorrow, since I am not going to see him today and I want to tell him personally. I hope I can

I really am enjoying being alone, with myself and doing whatever I want.

But sometimes I do miss having someone to talk to at night, to hug, to kiss, to enjoy simple stuff… that tells me “You were great!” after a show… I like sharing this little things.

But I know I need some time on my own, to enjoy myself  and clear up in my head on what I really want from a man, and if I want to just spend time with him or if I am looking for someone to be with me for the rest of my life… That idea used to sound great, but now… not so sure about it…

I guess that even tough I am already out of my depression, I am still a little hesitant about trusting men again…

To move on and continue with my life. However, I am not sure if I should make Leo my official dating guy…

We’ve been “special friends” for almost a month now, and he asked me again how I feel about him and to please let him know the moment my feelings towards him change.

I have a great time with him, I really enjoy being around him, but I don’t want to run, I don’t another Gabriel to happen in my life… I know I shouldn’t be judging guys based on this kid… but It was awful, to think that the guy was in love with me, and that he was giving all he had to make me fall in love with him just to find out it was all an illusion and a lie…. right when I fell in love with him…

People who knows him have tell me to be careful whit him, because he is waaaaaaaaay to crazy, I’ve noticed that, believe me it is not hard to notice it. Grace says he is the detail kind of guy with girls, but that he is too crazy and he loves drama “well you too love drama, maybe you should try it” jajajaja

“You’ll never know if you don’t go” “If you don’t risk, you don’t win”

I need to think it deeply I guess….