How come, being the woman that I am, who does not let her self be handled by men, I am suffering for a jerk?

On his blog he wrote “For being honest with her because I didn’t feel anything for her” then why the heck he told me we has interested in me, that he wanted something serious and for real with me? because he didn’t feel anything for me?

That makes him a liar, the worst kind of liar, who comes and plays with a broken heart, gets what he wants and then run away…. I thought he was different, I thought he was a good person, but I guess I was wrong….

I am a whole person and I don’t need a man to survive. I don’t need worthless people around me… there are a lot of people who cares about me, and the right guy who would like to share his life with mine is somewhere out there. And that is the idea, to share… kids doesn’t understand this, and that is why they hurt the people they are with….

I’m done in this battle, but I am not the one who lost it, he is the one who is lost the chance to have the best person he could ever imagine with him. If he likes girls who makes hell of his life, treating him bad, then go search for one of them.

I’m still not ready to get involved in another relationship, but I think I am ready to open my mind and give men another chance and proof there is one out there who is not a selfish bastard.

I am ready to heal now. And God will give me the strength I need to heal and to keep my heart from being broken again.

Friday was my b-day, it was cool.  Dad called me, which was a really nice surprise. The celebration that night… well, none of “my boys” were able to make it, my best friend was not able to make it because her mom fell down the stairs, and everyone had an excuse for not making it.

However, Saturday was different. Mom´s lasagna for lunch, the I had a gig at Jazz Cafe (yeap Juanpa was there :D). After the gig we went to a place called “Retrovisor” (View Master). Cardamomo and everyone else would not stop singing happy b-day to me, so I got a free drink for being my b-day, a “cucaracha” It has a lot of liquors and fires up! That hit me inmidiatley, since you have to drink it really fast or the straw will met in the flames.

When the place closed, we did a little party at the parking lot with percussion and dancing, and then we hit it to another place that closes really early in the morning. Rodol drove my car since I was too drunk. I didn´t drink anything there, I was waiting for the alcohol effect to pass a little.

Ericka made up a game, which I enjoyed a lot, and I guess Juanpa did as well

An sunday, well.. I got back home almost at 6:00am, I slept untill 2pm and I am about to go to bed.

I just wanted to make an entry about my b-day. Even tough friday was not as exiting as I expected, I am never going to forget the wonderful party I got from the most unexpected people, Cardamomo and the dancers!

Thx guys for such a wonderful b-day party!

I am really trying to get over him…. I thought I did, since I decided not to feel anything for anyone… but guess what? he still has power over me…

Yesterday he was telling me that Leo suddenly stopped talking to him and that he even ignores him… He told me the only reason he can think of for that situation is that Leo is interested in dating me and that he might think that makes them enemies or something…

I told him I do not know what is inside Leo´s head, that he did told me that he is interested in me, but I told him that right now I do not want anything with no one…

He told me “ok…” and that of course (since I was sick on bed doing nothing) made me think a lot of things…. would that give him green light to search for someone else (or to be with her)? would it make him think he doesn´t have a chance with me anymore? would that relieve him so that we can have our friendship back the way it was?

And well…. everything started to remember me of him… everything! That is the negative side of not doing nothing all day long… You think too much and you start making a storm in a glass of water… plus medicines! hm, well just imagine…

Right now I feel sad, but I know I will be better tomorrow, with my strenght back and I will keep my idea of having a cold heart for a while… they can´t hurt you if you don´t feel anything

hehe, this is on Kylie Minogue’s “X”, I just love this song and maybe I can sing it ti someone someday

Like a Drug

Kylie Minogue

Boy, ya, you got it, got it
You got me feelin’ crazy ’bout my body
I, I cannot cannot stop it
You got Me movin’, got me rockin’ rockin’

Like a drug, like a drug
Like a drug, like a drug
Like a drug, like a drug
Like a drug, like a drug

Once more I did something I am not sure I should have done…

I thought about it before doing it, this time, decided I was not going to do it…and ended up doing it anyways….

However, I enjoyed it and I think I can handle the situation… It was not my idea, so I shouldn’t worry about the other side, but mine only. I just need to concentrate in the original idea and center myself there. This time, I am the one who will be cold hearted…

Enough of being the naive me, who gets all exited and gives away everything thinking sheis receving back the same, when the truth is she is not getting anything back… Time for a little change, at least for a while.

Last night I had a long conversation with Diego, which started as usual, arguing… It seems that this opened his eyes and make him realized, that will never change…

So one more time, I went to sleep really late because he was having a conversation with me. But this time I hope is the last time it happens. He was telling me that he officially retires from the race. He was trying to be with me again, but it can’t be.

He is the same, who doesn’t think before saying things, who doesn’t care to know first before saying his opinion, who doesn’t care if I am going to sleep only 3 hours because he is talking to me…

I feel relived in some way, but in some other I feel weird.

But it will be easier now, to continue with my life, and think about it. And I can date who ever I want with no regrets :p jk, But it will not be such a big deal if someone see me with some other guy anywhere.

Time to move forward!

Well, the weekend wasn’t that bad, even tough that kind of bothered me, I was able to enjoy my trip to the beach.

Saturday night we were supposed to go partying, but guess what? these street drunks sat to drink in the street! And no party! We ended up eating something at a restaurant, which could have been done earlier…

When we returned to the hotel, I went directly to bed  so I could get up in time to watch the F1.

But it  was a nice weekend which I enjoyed a lot!

The girls (Hilal) and I definitely need to go together there

I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!!! I HATE HER!!! i HATE HER!!! i HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!!! I HATE HER!!!! I HATE HER!!!! I HATE HER!!!! I HATE HER!!!!

And I should hate him too for being such a….. For doing this to me!!!!!! and for being so fool!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, my date was nice, we talked a lot, ate something and watch Spiderwick, then he took me home, and tan tan, that was it.

He was a gentleman, and he was nice. No, not even a kiss attempt, just talking. When he arrived to his house he left me a sms saying he enjoy it a lot, and that some other day, soon, we should go out to drink something…

Again, no date, bur oh well, I guess that is just the way he is

Well, Juanpa asked me to got o the movies with him today… and I said yes.

I think I an nervous, but I am not sure…. :s

I will just go, enjoy the movie, talk a lot on the way to the movie and on the way home, be me and try not to get… nervous?

It’s weird, really weird, but I need to enjoy my life right? and not sit and cry for someone who does not deserve my tears…