So, I guess this song kind of gives me hope, it close to my situation right now, I think

Wait For You

Nelly Furtado

I know you’re trying to get around me baby

I know you’ve got me in your heart baby

I know that you could love me

If you only had a guarantee

When I look at your face it’s so empty

I know I could fill you with love baby

Your soul is dying for me

Can’t deny our energy

And you’re far I’m near you’re there

I’m here you’re hurting for me I can see it in your eyes

Some of the hardest things are easy to achieve with patience

I’ll wait for you until the heavens fall

I’ll wait for you until the end of the world

I’ll wait for you until I no longer breathe

I know that it’s not impossible

I’ll wait for you until you finish your fight

I’ll wait for you until the timing is right

I’ll wait for you until you knock on my door

Cuz right now it’s feeling just like a movie yeah yeah…

Just like a movie

I know that this is hard for you

Want you to know that I’m feling it too

It’s taken some time but now I see everything

It’s so clear to me I can’t give up your love without dying baby

I’ll wait until the sea is dry baby

How do we know what love is

Until it is free

You don’t gotta do anything that you can’t do

You don’t gotta do anything in a hurry

You don’t gotta do anything that you can’t do

I know you’re there you got me

You don’t gotta do anything that you can’t do

You don’t gotta do anything in a hurry

You don’t gotta do anything so don’t worry

I trust you and I know you’re there

I know you’re there

Why do we have them?

I really hate to have an existential crisis…. my feelings get all mixed up and I don’t know what to do….

Today my feelings have been going up and down like  in a roller coaster, at the same speed…

I thought I had them under control, but once again, they have betrayed me and they are the ones who want to control me…

I wish I could stop them, I wish I could have more control over them….

I wish I could have been able to control them so much that I never said what I said… I was not thinking on the consequences that would bring along… I just got carried away by my feelings…

But, what’s done is done, you don’t cry over the spilled milk, you clean it, move forward and get some more milk.

And who said it was over any ways? I can still fight for it, I can still try to erase her from his mind and the hounds she cause him, because I am sure all that fear he says he feel are all based on her, on what she did to him, and on how much he loved her and that he has not get over her yet…

He said he felt like he is living under Diego’s shadow… well he is judging me under her shadow… God damn it! I am not her, I have no intention of playing around wit his feelings and hurting him…. I have no fake face!

I am being myself, giving myself to you, to show you there are better things in the world the same way you showed me that…

If it wasn’t because you were there in a critical moment of my life, if it wasn’t because you remembered me who I really am, if it wasn’t because of your support along the way…. I just don’t know where I’ll be now…

How could you tell me one day, please let me be with you and the next day you tell me, sorry, I am not able to answer to your caring … How can you do this to me?!

I know he might never read this, but, as the title says, this is where I express some ideas I need to take out of me….

Well I guess I should go back to work… *sigh*

This is the ending song of an anime called “Trinity Blood”, I feel somehow identified with it….

Broken Wings
Singer- Tane Tomoko

I know this will not remain forever
However it's beautiful
Your eyes, hands and your warm smile
They're my treasure
It's hard to forget
I wish there was a solution
Don't spend your time in confusion
I'll turn back now and spread

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind
Across the sky, just keep on flying

keisoku no dekinai itami to keisoku no dekinai jikan no nagare ga
subete wo uemete shimaou to shite mo
sore demo watashi ni wa kanjirareru
sora kara ochite kuru no wa ame de wa nakute. . .

(The pain that cannot be measured, the flow of time that cannot be measured
Even if that may fill up everything
I can still feel
What falls from the sky is not the rain. . .)

Did I ever chain you down to my heart
'Cause I was afraid of you?
No, I couldn't hold any longer
Love is not a toy
Let go of me now
The time we spent is perpetual
Our future is not real
I'll leap into the air

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind
Across the sky, just keep on flying

sora kara ochite kuru no wa ame de wa nakute. . .

(What falls from the sky is not the rain. . . ) 

In our life we encounter a lot of high and low moments.

These moments can bring happiness of sadness. A high moment is not necessary a happy moment as well as a sad moment is a low moment.

I know it sounds weird, but I that’s the way I think.  Why? well because:

You may be on a very low moment of your life, undergoing a lot pressure, but you may have happy moments, such as a nice moment with a special person in your life, such as mom, siblings, kids, even your pet.

However, a high moment is a moment which will mark your life, it will make a difference in the way you think, you live, it will change your life. Dearth of someone close to you (sad), achieving that goal you set to yourself months ago (happy), etc.

This is what I call a high moment. Something that was so big that it changed something in you or in your life.

Lately, I’ve been having little high moments in my life. I have realized that somethings that I’ve been doing my whole life and reactions I’ve been having my whole life,  are not the best and that are hurting the people around me.

So I can say that right now, I am going under a high moment of my life since I am trying my best to change that and be a better person.

The purpose of this high moments are to make you a better person, not a worst person. 

You just need to understand that everything happens for a purpose in the future and keep in mind that it can not rain for ever, someday the sun will shine.

How can a tree give two fruits? Sweet and sour?

How come from the same fountain you can get sweet and salty water?

That´s not possible right?

So why does one day the happiness fountain can give happiness but next day it gives sadness?

Why do we have feelings?

I wish I could just stop feeling, that way it will be easier to go along with my life…

Why do I insist on this? Why does my heart can rule over my head so easily?

Why does he do this to me? Why he is all sweet, joy and love one day, but the next he is hurtful and annoying? And then again…. sweet and lovely….

How is it possible?

So, the last time I remember that I celebrated Valentine was with the bf I had before my ex, and  that was 3 years ago. Why? well because my ex does not believe in dates, any date (not even b-days :s).

But yesterday, it was magical. So the guy I’m dating, he does not celebrates Valentine’s. We have Italian class together, and we saw some vocabulary related to Valentine’s. It was so fun! So, we went to my car after the class and there I made my question: “Would you like to be my valentine, at least for a while?” to what he smiling answered: “Sure, what do you want to do?”

We went to a sushi restaurant, yummylicious dinner! I had so much fun, we talked about many things, and he confessed this was the first time he ever did something on Valentine’s ^_^. That alone made the night unique.

So my first Valentine’s after 3 years, was nice and great. I loved my night, and who knows, maybe next year we can celebrate together again

Have you ever felt that something happening in your life was supposed to be like that?

That even tough you are hurting people who cares about you and that you care about at some point in your life, you should just go ahead an keep doing what you are doing?

That’s the way I feel now. I know I have hurt deeply and terribly someone who used to be dearest for me. But, I think that I have never felt the way I feel now… Happy.

I have even notice things I want to change about me that is hurting people around me, and me (mainly my health).

Anyways, if something good is happening, then it shouldn’t be wrong, it was just the was it had to happen for the good things to come to my life.