I’m sick of this like I just wanna scream…

How could this happen with me?

I don’t want be a single person… but I really need some suport of my boyfriend!!!! I need some help because I don’t know what to do anymore… by my own I can’t fix it!!!!

Baby, you’ll help me???

Bye-bye…

Ufffff….

I’m tired of my life!!! About everything… about my job, about I don’t know what to, about be a commited person!!!! Yeah, I’m tired of have a boyfriend… but I really love him and I don’t know if I could broken up with him!!!!

Maybe is time for me go out again… but I don’t have money for pay a trip!!! I don’t know if that is the right way of resolve… I only know I need to do something about it!!!! Maybe a real conversation with my boyfriend… we’re together for so long time but we don’t talk!!!! I need a lot of attention… not only when we’re alone, when we’re in public with another person who we know too!!!! I hate the fact he don’t introduce me… why he does this???? He know I don’t like but he always ignore this fact!!! Why is so hard say… hey fulano this is my girlfriend Amanda!!!!! Like I do… The real problem is he don’t care about know my friends… actually he knows!!!! But care and I wanna know, I try to convince myself I don’t want but the truth is: I want!!!!

And what the hell was that… ” yeah, I remember him” that stuped fat girl know my boyfriend’s grandfater??? The same one I only know let me think… maybe after 2 years of relationship?!?!

Yep, I really need to talk with him… and I want he speaks too!!!! Not only listening and if he didn’t get the why of the conversation I’ll need to make some decisions!!!!! Really serious decisions…

Just for know… I hate the fact of not have internet here anymore!!!!

I think I’m hating a ot of things today…. be careful with me today, I can hate you too!!!!! I’m kidding… maybe not!!!!!

I’m tired… and desapointed!!!! Desapointed with myself for create situations in my head and when the things don’t came like I imagine then I get angry!!!!

I wanna go home, cry and sleep!!!! And eat… and surf in the internet, obvious!!!!

Obvious… this is the word!!! I guess what I’m feeling and showing about what I want is so obvious!!! But, this look like obvius only for me…

I know I saying the same thing in a several ways but what I can do??? I very sad about all of this and I don’t like to feel sad, is so no-me!!!! Is strange for me feel sad… I always was a happy person… the one who always try to make the people smile… even if I have to do some really stuped!!! Or a  nonsense joke!!!! Yeah, this is me… not this!!!! Not the way I’m now… I need to get out of here!!! Not only here… about space!!! Here = my life now!!!! I know this is a strong word… but I hate my life the way is now!!!!! And I hate more because I hate to hate!!!! Oh my, I’m losing my mind!!!!

What I should do?!?! I really want to know… I need to make my mind up!!! About everything… job, education, love… life!!!!

About love, again… better not cause I almost crying and I don’t want cry here in my job!!! Maybe in the bathroom =P

I need to speak with someone… but my real friends are far away from here… the one who I really wants to speaks is 600km from here!!!! And I don’t think speak with my mom is the right think… cause she not have my age anymore and I need someone woh gets me!!!!

Ok… I know, I should speak with my boyfriend… then I show him the obvious and maybe he can helps me!!! I hope so… aaaaannnddd doing this, I’ll have less work!!!! But I too coward to speak with him… he’ll do that face and start to make jokes and this will piss me off and I stop to speak!!! See… that is the why we don’t talk about serious thinks…

Oh my… I was wondering if someday I’ll say my fionce (? for man is fionce too?) photos… *aiai*

So, this one I need to save… and publish!!!! Maybe he discovered and read… I know I don’t like the people who I know read the thinks I write… especially in english (unless letter/e-mail directly to the person)!!! But if he ready this maybe… is a little maybe, he can see the obvious!!!

I know if you’re reading this, you know you’re the ‘he’ here!!! So, please talk to me… You didn’t promiss me you won’t look for this!!! But I think you forget… like you always do!!! And want know… this is another thing I really hate!!!! And hate is not a strong word here!!! Is exactly what I want say… But you know I love you!!!!

And I hope you can undestand me when I can speak with you… I know you won’t understand and to the victim like I’m the worst person in the word!!! But I’m tired about this too…

Well, is better I stop by here, because if I continous I really will be the worst person in the word!!!!

Nha… how strange am I… keep writing directly for a person thinking he’ll never read!!!! Or will… who knows!!!

Oh, sorry about my type mistakes…. I think there a lot of there here!!! And a lot of grammar mistakes too but I’m writing without a dictionary!!! So… sorry!!!!

Bye-bye…

Untill someday!!!!!