what is the deal with mohter inlaws??… i just dont get why we have to continuously butt heads…. no matter how nice and considerate and above and beyond i go i seem to always get insulted and underminded all the time… and in my own house above all!… why do mothers bab their sons more then daughters?… i dont get it arent men supposed to be the ’stronger’ more ‘dominant’ of men & women and here we are telling me when i tell my husband to change the channel -on MY tv in MY house”oh its ok you can leave it on hunny”… when he takes a sip of my drink ” oh i can make you a drink dear jsut as good as hers”…….really?! seriously?!…

i cannot wait this weekend i go to the beach for 3 whole days!… its just a NJ beach but i love the boardwalks n the shore there… i cannot wait top go !… i bought new clothes, im getting my hair done i thik i just bought the whole bath and body works pineapple line cause it go me in the beachy mood!!… i hope i can get myself to wake up early to go bike riding on the boardwalk and maybe see the sunrise!….weekend of relaxing here i come!!

beach books-check

beach chairs-check

sunblock-double check

aloe -check

ready to go!!

so about a year ago i started to clean out my closet of friends… i realized i was spending alot of time and energy on people who didnt truly care abotu me….. and then the grudges and bottled up emotions started…. suddenly yu burst you tell your friends how you feel hoping the will understand and appreciate your honesty but instead you wind up never speaking…… lately i realized that i i couldnt let it leave like that … realized that maybe there are friends out there who arent the the best person to talk to but they are still a friend and i just shouldnt have expected more out of the friendship……. so i typed them a letter… on myspace of all places… we’ll see what i get back… i refuse to apologize — i mean i was being honest abtou my feelings and was tasteful about it —-but i simply said that it was just bad timing and i wouldnt have been upset if it were  under different circumstances………

to be honest i dont care how it turns out but i am just happy that i gave the last ditch effort that i left it with my hand out there, reachign otu for something… if i get nothing in return at least i tried…. sometimes its all abotu the karma

its crazy how certain things in your life affect who you’ll be tomorrow…. lately, this year i have been living life for the future…. “why clean today, i’ll clean tomorrow”…. why see my friends this weekend i’d rather lay on the couch and be lazy today-ill see them next week”….. but then an un expected death happens in your life and you realize and rethink it all-everything and you say…. why am i waiting?…… everyday im afraid to sit down theres so much to be done… yea i have a to do list but its always gonna be there and i shouldnt get down abotu it… sometimes people who have a list stick to it  and dont do anything except try to cross stuff off it (my husband) and others realize its alsways going to be there and take their time to do any of it (myself)…………with the unexpected death of my 19 year old brother i have finally come back to earth…..

we need to enjoy every day , we need to spend time with our families, their the only ones we have , after all we never know how long we’re here for

rule of thumb….. never ask a girl if she is  pregnant unless she is wearing a bun in the oven  shirt!!

this week i had to help my husband’s family bury their 19 yr old son but as horrible as it was i couldnt believe the number of people (3 to be exact-1 was a pastor) whom had asked me with a bright smile…. “HOW MANY MONTHS ARE YOU?”….. how do you react, i tried to keep my cool and politely just said “no”

 seriously?… you are a perfect stranger… i never met you before… how dare you insult me like that!… i admit i gained a bit but i have been working my butt off (literally) trying to lose my weight!…. so i have a little tummy… but what of it?!   so a girl isnt allowed to be a lil chunk w/o worrying about the insults of people thinking you could only be pregnant… my husband says its b/c of my small frame, dainty wrist and thining face… i agree all of my weight dropped from top down but still … i shouldnt have my days ruined by ignorant people….. the saddest part is when i would reply no im not they would sometimes just against again… “oh i said how many months” like it was unbelieveable that i was really just fat…… the worst is after i cried to several friends whom also have or once were a but chunk they said people would ask them as well…. what is wrong with people!?!… this is what drives women into eating disorders!

sometimes i feel like im going no where with my job… i wish i  enjoyed n looked forward to coming in everyday but every morning is such a struggle to get here that i worry im gonna get fired for even being late… i guess i have good weeks n bad weeks … this week not so good… i jsut wish i was like a manager or something… in control of more i can do my job well but the challenges just arent there….. ive looked elswhere but havent found anything … if only i enjoyed what i do as much as before… i think the people i work with  really affects the way i feel all the offfice drama jsut like middle school all over  again

i started to try to just get motivated elsewhere …ive tried to start making jewelry … they came out really nice …im gonna try to sell them on e-bay n see how i do

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