as the title stated, i’m here for a change. (:

Heard this song from the radio some time ago. smoothing indeed.

dedicate this song, 我们都别哭 by 梁文音 to those who are still nursing an aching heart from the lost of a loved ones…

and also to you my friend, happy birthday. I hope you are doing fine at the other side. (:

I hope, i will recover soon (:

我们都别哭

作词：马嵩惟
作曲：Paul Drew/Greig watts/Pete Barringer

当叶子随着风离开了树
变成花的礼物
那只是你启程了旅途
不是结束

时光比预料中来得残酷
爱得愈深愈匆促
教人不得不学会祝福
你先走的　那一步

Hmm　我们都别哭
伤心会浪费你的　呵护
爱　微笑着回顾
有你那段路　短暂却幸福

当阳光带走了露珠
我的眼眶起了雾
看不见　可是我真实感触
你轻抚　我皮肤

Hmm　我们都别哭
伤心会浪费你的　呵护
爱　微笑着回顾
有你那段路　短暂却幸福

不带一丝哀伤缅怀
比淡忘更需要勇敢
把回忆随身携带
我相信　是爱

Hmm　我们都别哭
你要到更好的地方　居住
爱　再见面那天
我们再散步　一整个下午

看一个人从生命淡出
不哭　因为　很爱

it feels kinda weird staring in front of the computer on sunday. in the past my weekend is always spent trying to finish my assignments… yet on sunday, there is no assignment to complete. it feels weird. i spent my day sleeping and trying to watch some outdated dramas.

and on weekdays… after work, i feel bored at home. ): too used to my schooling life. shall start planning what to do next!

has been MIA for awhile, (: was busy as usual. busy with my maths assignments, exam and of coz the general election (GE).

the AI result came out 1 week before the maths exam. wasn’t really keen to check initally as it will affect my mood in studying for the exam. But den, i still check them out after my classmates commented on theirs. hey hey, i passed! woohoo! the result was better den i expected. ((: well, this just add on more pressure to my maths exam! coz i’m expected to do as well or even better. ):

my study week distrubed by the GE rallies. sigh. I really wanted to attend 1 full rally by the opposition and the ruling party. But i cant. )): end up i listen to the rallies online. many thanks to qj for the link. (:

From this GE, I learnt a few things:

1. The Generation Y folks aint as ignorant as they seems.
2. This GE result is the fruit of the SG Education System. Blame no one MM, SM and PM. If theres someone the 3 Ms wanna blame, blame the one that comes out this system.
3. The ruling party will do whatever it needs to get the voters back even if he has to come down to say ‘Sorry’. Good effort but, it was soon overwrite by his own people’s action that zero out this effort.
4. Out of all the candidates, CST stands out the most. He said nothing bad of others. His rally was not about how to change policies nor how nice the upgrading is. His rally is all about how he loves SG and he loves SG ppl. This is what i called Big Love 大爱. It is this big love that makes me respect him the most. Becoz he worth it.
5. GE brings people together.
6. It is true that SG ppl dun really cares about the MPs most of the time, but we do care about what kind of ppl is in the Parliament.

alright! enough of the GE thingy!! (:

completed my last paper yesterday!! (: the feeling is great! freedom! this is really freedom! 2 years of hard work has ended! (: well, looking forward to some new changes in my life… will starting look for other things to do or learn… ((:

after my paper i went to cast my vote! heheh before heading home to rest. went for a dip in the pool with bro in the evening. Enjoyed the sunset by the city skyline view in the pool! what a nice way to destress! (:

looking forward for my mini getaway trip! HEHE…

what a fool i am…

after weeks of considering and hey! i was very firm on my decision! but damn! I was caught off guard! seriously do i look 很好骗?

-sigh-

was damn busy with work for the past week. due to a project roll out failure when i was on leave… was very pissed when i was told tat we have to clear the mess and the main developer is going on long leave. damn. he din even wanna help us before he left and his handover briefing was a super brief one. I was super mad when i realised that his work was super disorganised and the project rolled out causes alot of issues that can be avoided. But oh well, I still have to do it happy or not.

Was super busy on thurs, as LY wanna have a meeting on all those issues which i have no idea on it. cant be bothered to check them out initally. In the end, I have to dig all my unread mails, consolidate all the issues and try to understand it. ): meetings after meetings. each time i come out i have more work to do! argh. and finally after the last meeting, he wanna talk to me!!! ahhh… i was soooo occupied with all his tasks, cant even react in time!! )):

ended up we talk about my projects, ya we talk about the 4 kids. I insisted on ending the on site support as I’m getting super uncomfortable going there. LOL i keep tell fen that i always felt my life is in danger when I was there.. I nv liked the feel. I’m scared. And yes i complaint about that colleague that left a big mess! Angry lei.

I guess he sense that i’m avoiding the topic, seriously, i wasn’t in a good state of mind to talk about it. so, when my colleague came in to speak to him, i ran out. I’m lost. Its so sudden! end up, i msn my sis for help. ): finally, after a while, I when to see him. I’m repeating wat i wanna say to him many many times in my mind. BUT the moment i saw his damn ))))): face. argh! tats it. Game over. )): T.T and less den 5 min i was out. i din feel like talking anymore. ): cried again. I’m such a fool.

I know second chance hurts more. stupid isn’t it? but maybe its like what fen says, perhaps perhaps, some part of me still hope that things will change even thou i know its hard. )): 有时候，太过于执著不是一件好事。。。 when will i understand tat?

Whatever it is, I have to learn to be strong and look forward for a better tml.

I promise, no more third chance.

I guess, I’m showing traits of cancerian…

Isn’t it?

First of all I wanna thanks my friends and family for their advice and encouragement. really thanks. many ppl i talked to has different views. overall i categorise all the feedbacks into 3 types:

1. Be firm. 好马不吃回头草！
2. Give him a second chance! fight for what i deserve
3. Whatever my decision is, you will stand by me.

Well, most of my friends is in cat 1. Very few in cat 2. and some in the last cat.

hmm.. no matter what i choose, i’m bound to disappoint some. But, at the end, i cant disappoint myself, for I have to be true to myself. Hence, I have been thinking through on it. I dun want to make my decision so hasty and without thinking.

But den again, you must be wondering why am i reconsidering on it… the reasons are simple:

1. I may be unhappy or stressed, but i do feel happy working there.
2. How many ppl tendered and have their CEO/CTO in the company asking them to reconsider?
3. I really felt LY’s sincerity. and, his )): makes me 心软.

I’m lucky to have 1 week to think thru it. (: gonna weight the pros and cons out and decide. my freedom, health, passion and future is at stake!

Anyway! had my last lesson today! (: kinda sad thou. 2 years of schooling life is almost coming to the end. and, i thought of u. ((: all the sweet memories will be keep well within me! I still remember how u caught my attention! ((:

Gonna study real hard for this coming exam! JiaYou!

and… goodbye my love.

theres so much i wanna say… )):

at the end of the day i can only say it here…

i finally tender my resignation. yes its finally. Just when i thought is a relief, it turns out to be a nightmare. i’m affected by it. very affected by it. I dun understand why other’s resignation can be done so quietly and peacefully. Yet my resignation is such a dramatic event. WTH is going on?

Today will be the last time i’m talking about it until after my exam. really. i’m tired.

i’m hurt not becoz of what my bosses said. i’m hurt becoz of what my colleagues felt on what i’m been through. After 4 years of doing serious work, commitment and being responsible becomes a fault in their eyes really hurts me alot.

I din know that been responsible is a flaws.
I din know that trying to finish work in the nick of time is a flaws.
I din know that trying to do my best to work and to meet client’s requirements is a flaws.
I seriously din know that.

In fact, why in the 1st place they are consider flaws? )):

I’m tired of being the garbage collector of both internal and external.
I’m sick of being scolded for nothing.
I’m sick of being blamed for things that was not promised by me.
I’m tired of always trying to finish up the impossible tasks.
I’m tired of clearing other ppl’s rubbish
I’m tired of doing things not under my scope of work, but becoz laoye wants it I have to do it.
I’m tired of smiling when i’m on the verge of crying or scolding.

What really upset me the most is… I’m tired of being taken for granted.
Taken for granted that I’m always there to clear up the mess and the creator went for the appreication dinner! WTF!
Taken for granted that I’m always there to help LY to finish up his mission impossible.
Taken for granted that I’m always there to fix and answer those idiotic stuff.

And now, finally i decided to say good bye. I’m being blamed for leaving! WTH! ANGRY!
So it is my fault that I’m leaving??

Stop asking me why when u dun accept my white lies. The truth is ugly.

had a word with LY on this. I saw and feel his upset and disappointment. and yes i told him everything. i can hide from everyone but not him.

For once, LY apologies. I was dumbfounded when he said tat. Yes, he can explain all the things that happened. But, he cannot denied the fact that, I really being taken for granted. Tears starts rolling when he said, is there anything i can do to make u stay. After i said so much, so much that I know I said things tat as an employee I shouldn’t said that to my boss. But i did. And yet, he still insist, is there anything I can do to make u change ur mind and stay. Its just… a little too late isn’t it.

I have been thinking about it over and over again.
In life, we also encounter things that we want but it comes a little too late and we always wished for a second chance. This second chance, will i give him?

我受够了等待你所谓的安排　
说的未来到底多久才来
你累积给的伤害　我是真的很难释怀
你总是要我乖慢慢计划将来　
我的眼泪却一直掉下来