• February 2018
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I felt my moustache hairs shrinking

I awoke several months later. It was dark. I almost fainted again. Luckily I was lying. Where was I? Had Serje saved me? Did Sir Cuddles come to awake me with his warm, cuddly pelt? I touched my upper lip. I remembered having two moustache hairs. There were three. I was stunned. Thank God, I was still lying.

After having left the cellar of the tavern, I talked to the barkeeper. He didn’t  recognize me. I was delighted. I left without saying any further word. It was good. I saw a picture of me. I was stunned. I had to sit down. The ground was cold. It was bad. I had no moustache hairs in the picture. I concluded it was a old picture. Where did they get it from? The picture’s underline said: відсутній. I didn’t understand. I walked back into the tavern and found out what відсутній meant.

Did I do something wrong? I was sad. Did I abuse the secrets of the Guardians of Light? I couldn’t remember. Was Serje mad at me? Would Ondreij sell me more bread? I was confused. Who could I trust? Should I join the Rainbow Defenders of the Unicorn? At such a thought, I could feel my moustache hairs shrinking. That was no option. I would have to apologize to the Guardians of Light. Where could I find them?

So long,
Tom Broke

Not as many chairs as in Sibiria

I am sure, you are all wondering, where I have been. It was bad. My parents and I spent our holidays in Azerbaijan as I suddenly got kidnapped. I was scared because my kidnapper had a huge beard. But it was not a friendly beard like Ondreij’s or a masculine one like Serje’s. It was a scary one. I didn’t admire it. They kept me in a dark room. I started to miss Sir Cuddles again. He would have kept me warm, just like a lot of facial hair. Then I thought about what kind of beard I was going to have in the future. I was no longer scared. It was good.

One day, I had a perfect plan to run away. Using my gained experience and secrets, I convinced my kidnapper, I was not hungry. So he went away. I lied. I was very hungry. When he returned, I was pretending to be asleep. He went away again. I left. I was finally free. I had to sit down. It was amazing. I was very delighted. My parents picked me up with their car and we went back to Ireland. I was very happy to be in Ireland again. But I was also sad because I missed Serje. I didn’t miss Ondreij because we didn’t have many things in common. I never saw him again after having left the car.

I entered the tavern although I was only 14. I hoped that noone would recognize this fact because of my beard hairs. There were three men but like 15 chairs. Who would use so many chairs? I was confused. I had to sit down. But I couldn’t. The barkeeper asked me to leave the bar because of my age. Should I leave the bar? If I left it, I had no chance of ever getting back inside. If I stayed, I could sit down on one of the 12 unused chairs. I fainted.

So long, Tom Broke

Ondreij the friendly bread salesman

Ondreij gave us a free tour of Khmel’nyts’kyy, the town we were staying in. I liked the Volodymyr Pylypchuka street the most because it was a nice street with a lot of shops. I admired it. I also admired Ondreij because he had a moustache. It was a really nice moustache. I thought, he spent a lot of time on shaving his moustache. But still, Serje’s beard was more masculine and more impressive. All in all, Khmel’nyts’kyy was a nice village. On our tour through the village I noticed a green dragon head. I wasn’t able to examine it because we were driving a car and Ondreij was a very crazy driver. I didn’t admire him. I was frightened. I would search for the dragon head later. I was very excited. Would there be even more guardians? Would they keep a secret, too? Would they tell me their secret? I had to get rid of my parents and Ondreij.

I had an amazing idea. I wasn’t sure it would work the way I wanted it to. But it was my only chance. I had to lie. Luckily I knew how to lie because the Serbian grandmaster told me how to lie. I had to reach a level of full concentration to do it properly. I closed my eyes and focused my powers. Then I said: ‘Ondreij, could you stop the car? I need to pee.’ We stopped. I was relieved. It worked, It was good. I left the car and hid myself behind a corner. I was safe. But I had to do something. I tried to remember where I saw the dragon. I sat down. Suddenly, I remembered. We were driving on a straight street for a couple of kilometers. So I concluded that the dragonhead had to be on this street. I followed the street. I walked and walked but then I saw it.

I was stunned. It wasn’t the same dragon. There were some differences. The dragon didn’t smile. It looked angry. Next to the dragonhead was written ‘зелений дракон паб’. On English it would be ‘Green Dragon Pub’. Was this the guardian’s favorite pub? Did they hang out there? I had to enter the pub. But there was a  sign on the door which allowed only people above the age of 18. I was only 14. But I had two moustache hairs. I touched my upper lip to check if they were still there. I was stunned.

So long, Tom Broke

Serje was Micheal Storm

I sat down for a long time. I wanted to try out the secret but I was too excited. It was impressive. In the meantime Serje was introduced to the ways of the guardians. He admired them. He joined them. I was very proud to be in the same organization as Serje. Now that Serje had joined them I didn’t fear the attack of the Rainbow Defenders of the Unicorn any longer. He would fight them off. It was good. Because of my bravery and my strengh, which was displayed by my two moustache hairs, властный лидер allowed me to keep my codename. Serje was jealous, he admired ‘Broke’. So he called himself Michael Storm. Serje alias Michael Storm decided to stay in the headquarter. So I went back on my own. I took the bus. It was not as exciting as the trip through the wilderness. But it was quicker and warm. I admired it. My parents and I drove back to Omsk.

Back in the hotel, I was less excited. So I was able to try the new secret. I layed down on the couch. Would it work? Would they notice anything? My excitement grew and grew but I tried to stay calm in order to not ruin my plan. It worked. It was good. I admired it. My parents sat down on the other couch. They whispered to avoid waking me up. I was impressed. They talked about their time in Tomsk. They admired it. They agreed that it would be best to spend some time in the Ukraine. I was stunned. Another country? Were there guardians, too? Would it be good? I stood up and told them that I wasn’t really sleeping. I went to bed.

So long, Tom Broke

How to make a timehole - Part 2

Some days ago, I announced that I am about to make a tutorial. This will be the first ‘real’ part of the tutorial. In this post, I will explain to you what stuff you need to make your very own timehole. Firstly, let me list the stuff we’ll need.

  • Scissors
  • Glue
  • Wrench
  • Hammer
  • Paper
  • Aluminium foil
  • Sticky tape
  • Tooth picks
  • An empty bottle with 1l volume (~ 33fl.oz)
  • Bodylotion
  • Pencil
  • Lighter
  • 5 Sticks of wood (~ 20cm/7.8inch)
  • String
  • Tissues
  • Water
  • I hope that’s all. I’ll give you about 3 days time to get all the stuff. Then I’ll start with the first building steps. I hope that many of you participate in this tutorial.

    So long, Tom alias Broke

    The Rainbow Defenders of the Unicorn

    After a long sled ride, Serje was pulling me, we finally arrived at the guardians of light’s headquarter. It was amazing. It was a huge igloo. Next to the entrence was a dragonhead statue. It looked mighty and powerful but also very nice because the dragon smiled. We entered the headquarter. There were a lot of guardians. I had to let them know that I was one of them so I said that I was ‘Broke’. They didn’t understand. I was confused. Was my codename a special codename which was only understood by the leaders? Was I such a special guardian? I was stunned. I was only 14. We sat down in the reception area and the receptionist brought us some hot tea and some cookies. It was good.

    After having finished eating, we were brought to their leader. I was stunned. It was a woman. How could a woman be strong and mighty enough to become a guardian leader? She didn’t have a beard. I was confused. How could it be? Was it a joke? I knew how I could find out whether she was a true leader or not. She called herself властный лидер. I told her, my codename was ‘Broke’. It seemed to me she didn’t understand the meaning of my codename. She said that the guardians of light don’t use codenames. I was stunned. Why would Serje give me a codename then? Did Serje work for another organization? Which organization did give me this codename then? Were there more than the guardians? Did they use me as a spy? Did they follow us? Would they attack the headquarter? I had to let the leader know that they were in danger.

    After having explained the situation to властный лидер, she told me about another organization: the ‘Rainbow Defenders of the Unicorn’. I was stunned. Why did they fight the guardians? Because they wanted to steal their secrets? It was bad. Now that I think about it, I think that tomfanjakob is a member of this organization. Was Serje in this organization, too? Do tomfanjakob and Serje know each other? I don’t think so. Serje was too mighty and powerful to be in the rival organization of the guardians. I remember the reason why I came to the headquarter: I wanted to learn about another secret. I asked the властный лидер for the secret. She told me the secret. I admired the secret. I was stunned.

    So long, Tom

    The sled of masculinity

    When I woke up, Serje was gone. I wondered where he was. I was frightened because I only had two moustache hairs. Why did he leave me? And why did he leave his tent behind? I was confused. What should I do? I had a great idea. I could simply follow his foot steps in the snow. I left the cave and had my view straight on the ground. It was a very confusing track because Serje had gone in circles and sometimes he had turned around. Why did Serje leave such a complicated track? Was he trying to get away from me and let me die in this cold icy cave? Because I was a guardian of light? What was his problem with the guardians? Did he ever have any trouble with them? For how long has he been fighting them? Why did it turn out that Serje was such a disappointing person after all? I was sad. It was bad. I wanted to sit down but I also wanted to find Serje. So I walked on.

    It was a bad idea to walk on because suddenly, I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes and walked on for a few more steps. I crashed into something and fell. But into what? I was even more confused and almost fainted. Was it a tree? Was it a rock? Well, I remembered that there were no trees or rocks around the cave. So these opportunities were impossible. I concluded that it had to be a bear. I was frightened. Would the bear eat me? Would the bear be scared of my moustache hairs? Would Serje come back just in time to save me? Would my parents wonder where I was?

    It was Serje. I was stunned. He had left the cave in order to build a sled. I admired his crafting ability. It was a very masculine sled. I thought that it would be fun to ride the sled. I searched my surroundings for a hill. There was no hill. I was sad. I examined Serje’s beard in order to find out if all this crafting made his beard grow. I was stunned. It really grew. I was disappointed in Serje. Why did he build the sled on his own? Why didn’t he ask me for help? Was it because he wanted to keep all of the beard-growing boost of building a sled for himself? Was he such a selfish person? I was stunned.

    So long,  Tom alias Broke

    How to make a timehole - Part 1

    As I am writing a lot about timeholes, I thought, it’s the right time to explain how to make them. It’s not as complicated as the most of you are probably thinking. In fact, everyone can make a timehole just by following the steps I describe in my tutorial. But be prepared: Making a timehole will take two weeks, as I have already mentioned in my former posts. But I promise, you will be impressed. Let’s begin with some questions.

    What exactly is a timehole?
    It’s not that hard to explain. When you are trapped in a timehole, no time passes by. It means: you are caught in the moment. For that reason I would suggest to use your timehole in a happy situation for example when you discover your first moustache hair. But remember: Once you are trapped in a timehole, it’s not sure whether you will ever get the possibility to escape again. So a timehole is a black room in which actually no time passes but you still exist and continue feeling the way you felt when you used it.

    How long does a timehole last?
    Once you’ve finished your timehole, you can use it within two weeks. You could also use it later but in this case it’s not sure whether the timehole will still work properly. There can be malfunctions, like porting you to any other moment in time. This might be a sad moment and you don’t want to be there. So be prepared. Once your are trapped, it’s not sure whether you will get out of there or not. That means: When you are in your timehole and can’t get out everything in the universe is paused and might never continue if you can’t escape. But people won’t notice that they were paused. It happens all the time.

    I don’t own any professional equipment. Can I still make a timehole?
    Of course you can! All the materials you need can be found in your surroundings. You’ll wonder how easy it is to make your own timehole. But to make it properly you will have to follow every single step and do exactly what I do. Otherwise it can become very dangerous. Just image what would happen if there was an explosion in time. To make it easier for you to follow my steps, I will post several photos in this tutorial.

    In my next post, I’ll explain what stuff you’ll need to start making your first own timehole.

    So long, Tom alias Broke

    Prepared for a life in wilderness

    I was disappointed in Serje. As he didn’t chop the tree with his bare hands and didn’t light the fire with flintstones, I didn’t grow a third or maybe even a fourth hair. He just used an axe and a lighter. Serje’s aura of power and might was gone in the flame’s shine. I didn’t admire Serje in this moment. Not even his beard made him look powerful. I was stunned. It was such a beautiful and huge beard. How could it be? Was it possible that there was no connection between a beard and masculinity? I was confused. That wasn’t possible. I thought a lot. All my idols had nice beards, like Serje. Well, on the other hand, Serje was really well prepared for a life in the wilderness. He had everything we needed in order to survive, a tent, a lighter and an axe. The longer I thought about it, the more I admired Serje. He was very good.

    Serje left the cave without saying a word. I was confused. Where would Serje go? Would he come back? Would he do something manly when he came back? I was already sitting so I was saved from fainting. I was so excited. Would he hunt a deer? Would he maybe even kill it with his bare hands? Would it even be necessary to kill it? Wouldn’t it just die when it saw Serje’s huge and powerful beard? I thought that Serje’s beard would even have grown bigger when he returned. After 5 minutes, Serje returned. He had his hands formed to a bowl which was filled with something white. I couldn’t recognize it. What was it? Was it sugar? Did he want to sweeten his azyme? Was it flour? Was he trying to make even more azyme? It was snow. I was stunned. Serje held his hands above the fire to make the snow melt. The snow melted. It was amazing. The fire wasn’t able to hurt Serje’s hands, but melt the snow inside them. Serje drank the water. It was very masculine. I admired Serje. Then he went outside and got some for me, too. It was good.

    In this night, I slept much better. I felt very safe because I knew that Serje was in front of my tent and that he would fight off everything. I even missed Sir Cuddles a bit less. I thought, it was because of my second moustache hair. I would have to buy a razor, soon. What would it be like? Would I cut myself when I shaved my moustache for the first time? Did I even want to shave? Or woudl I try to grow a manly beard like Serje? There were so many opportunities. What if I shaved only one side? Would it look good? Which side would I shave? I thought that I would probably shave my left side because I like my right side more. I fell asleep.

    So long, Tom alias Broke

    Chop a tree with pure masculinity

    It was already afternoon and we had to look for a place where we could spent the night. Judging by the sun, it was around 4:53 pm. At least, that’s what Serje said. I don’t know how to read time by the sun. I admire Serje for his manly adventurer abilities. I hope, he will teach me some of them, one day. We looked for a suitable sleeping place by turning around in circles. We saw a cave. It looked good. So we headed towards the cave. We arrived. Serje told me to stay outside so he could check if the cave was safe. I agreed. I admired Serje’s bravery because there could have been a bear or a pack of wolves inside. I wasn’t too scared about the pack of wolves as Serje had already defeated one the day before. Suddenly, I heard a very manly roar. It sounded like 10 barbarians preparing for a battle. It was Serje. I was a bit frightened, but also impressed, because I didn’t know that Serje had such powers. I was sure that Serje’s beard had grown. I touched my own moustache to check if it had grown in the presence of such a manly person. I felt a second hair. It was amazing.

    Suddenly, I saw a huge shadow on the cave’s walls. Was it a bear? Did the bear eat Serje? If yes, it was a very powerful and mighty bear. But I thought not. I thought that the bear was trying to flee from Serje because Serje is very strong. Did the bear see Serje’s beard? I was scared. If the bear came out of the cave and saw my two moustache hairs, he would not be as scared. He would have probably eaten me. I sat down. The shadow became even bigger as it reached the cave’s entrance. It was Serje. I was relieved and delighted. Serje had already set up the tent inside the cave. It was very cold inside the cave, so we had to collect some firewood. There was a huge tree next to the cave. Serje wanted to chop it.

    I was really confused because we had no axe. How would Serje chop this tree? Would Serje’s pure masculinity make the tree fall? I thought so. I would probably  grow a third moustache hair by watching it. Would Serje chop this tree with his bare hands? Or would he just take the tree and rip it out of the ground? I was very excited. Serje went to his backpack. What would he take from it? A glove to protect his hand from getting injured while chopping? I didn’t think so. His hair would protect him. Serje took an axe. I was stunned.

    So long, Tom alias Broke

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