last summer camp we had a game..it was a getting-to-know-each-other sort..

there was this particular question that got stuck in my mind..

what thing do you miss the most?

and i immediately know the answer to that..

I MISS TRAVELING.

i’ve been out of the country once and of course im looking forward to adding up numbers on that..but the cheaper traveling would be just going around the country..

when my grandmother was still in her lucid state, we would always go to places and be adventurous..

we’d climb mountains, invade caves, climb more mountans, go for a swim near the water falls, go to the beach, go site seeing..just do a lot of things and visit a lot of places..

and i miss that..

i miss the tiring trek, the skin burning tan, and the amazing view..

so i’ve decided to visit some places again..or for the first time.. which ever is applicable..

i want to see the sunrise on top of the mountain..

jump off a waterfall

be blind because of too much fog

get a tan

take pictures!!! hehe

i received the news this morning..or lunch..didnt notice the time.

its about me taking the board exams..

yes..you guessed it right!

i can go over at PRC on monday and file for May boards..

i remember blogging about how demotivated i am about the SLOW process our school has..

i guess im just lucky..

it was a good birthday gift..and i just simply love the blessings im getting..

i remember sounding really arrogant when i had a talk with one of my friends..

i told him that sometimes im kind of ashamed to pray because i am so blessed..like everything i pray for gets answered..

i feel like such a horrible person because i am definitely not a the good girl that i seem to be..(if i do seem to be like that..hehe) i mean i do stupid things sometimes..and bad..and evil..so i feel like i dont deserve the all the blessings im getting..

i do try to be a worthy one..but its uber hard..and im no super woman nor super blameless..

i am thankful..

if i only know different ways to telling and showing how thankful i am, i would have done it..but this is the only way i know..

i am thankful..

check on number 1..SOON!!!

hehe

i know i made one last time..but i think imma stick to this one..

1. license..

i still very much want it..i dont care if its this May or October..just as long as i get it this  year..

2. THAT job..

i really want that job..i hope i get hired and travel for training..hehe

3. a place of my own..

i want to practice independence..it doesnt mean that i dont like living with the poeple i live with now..i just want to know how it feels like to do things on my own..decide for myself..of course i wont ever ever forget my responsibilities to them..i love my tata and my lola and love..i’ll get us a better and bigger one..dont worry..hehe

4. cyber-shot DSC-T77..

the green one..i always wanted a camera..im no professional with pictures..but i love taking them..hehe so i want this one..it’ll look slightly professional if i use this..*hopeful..hehe*

5. PSP

i’ve been wanting one for quite some time now..and i still dont have the KACHING for it (got the kaching from mary..that she got from marj)..ugh! its very frustrating..*i know i know, childish..but what can i do..i love games..hehe shooting games to be exact.. *

6. serious clothes

i should have thought of this sooner..the only thing inside my closet are jeans, shirts and shorts..i dont have anything formal and smart..i know i need this if i want to stay in the corporate world..i have to look smart..(but im already smart..no worries..hehe)

7. serious shoes

of course i cant wear chucks with those now can i??i have to have heels..wedges (love them!)..flats with seriousness..like i said..i have to look smart..and business-y..hehe

8. make up

i need to invest on good make up..im not vain or anything like that..but its just the thing with girls..i guess..we NEED make up..hehe or it could be just my opinion..hehe whatever.

9. money!

and this would be the last one..i want to have like 200k on my bank account..hope that job that i want will pay me more than this amount in a year..*as if..hehe *

that’s it..

i hope to check more than one of these by the end of the year..

number 1 is definitely included..

write about anything happy anymore..

am i a hypocrite for saying that i am happy when all the words that come out of me are about struggling and turmoil?? (redundant?hehe)

i remember a friend telling me that im too optimistic..

am i?

most of the time i feel like everybody’s expecting something great out of me..but i cant give them that just yet..

im no super woman..no great power..no superb ideas (as of the moment)..

im just plain and ordinary..but destined for greatness..

***

i never thought that i’d feel this way about a female member of our family..

she told me that i shouldnt add up to the things that she worries about [rephrased and translated]..

i think i hate her for that..

i never lived with her for a long time, she never took care of me, i mean for most of my life, and she didnt help that much with my studies..and i get that statement from her?!

i dont want to sound like a terrible person for saying this, but am i not supposed to be one of her responsibility?

i guess she thinks i am not..

and i guess i dont want her to know first hand about the great things i’ll achieve..

sorry it had to be this way..

***

im waiting for inspiration..

im so tired that sometimes i just want to win the lottery and live THE life..

i like being busy..i hope a lot of people would require my attention..so i wont have to feel lonely.

***

i never thought that things would be like this..

i hope the future is better..

i woke up extra early today..

i dont know if im excited about something or its just my body clock telling me to try and wake up early for a change..

i’ve been meaning to study well for this week..but the thing is, im demotivated to do so..

i feel like sleeping when im about to read my text books and hungry when im about to answer some problem..

its making me guilty but it cannot be helped..

my school is killing me..

their stinky process and thier useless SAs..

i just cant function properly..

ugh.