i always thought that writing what i feel could help me relieve the feeling (what ever it may be)..

and yeah..i still believe in it..

2 days ago my grandmother had an accident..

to be honest, i really dont exert much effort on taking care of her..because i always thought that my aunt and my soon to be nurse sister will do the job for me..

but last saturday..before i went to our room, i checked up on her..

she was looking blankly past me..

i asked her if she’s hurt somewhere..she wouldnt answer..she looked at me..her eyes were just blank..there was no emotion at all..then i realized, my grandmother is old..and my longingness for her didnt grow at all..

i remember being excited to greet her when she comes home from teaching in school..my aunt even reminded me that i would always have that eager eyes just to come to her first than my sister..

i thumbed through my grandmother’s hair..the roots are turning white again.. and her eyebrows are gone..

she closed her eyes as if savoring my touch..

i really felt like crying.. i dont want her to go just yet..i want her to see me reach my dreams..

i guess secretly, i want her to see me well off before she leaves..because of the goodness she has shown me..for sending me to school..for providing for everything i needed and wanted when could still do that..

lola..just one day of that lucid interval..i want to experience you again..

i love you po..

first off..im not complaining..hehe

i just think that 2008 has been short compared to the other years i’ve been in..

a lot of things happened to me this year..

as the year entered, i had my whole life altered..

towards the end of 2007, i was actually settled that i will go against all the principles i’ve established..but something better was in store for me..my whole life is now different..im actually guessing that if i were to live on the dangerous life, i’d probably not be here..i might work in a call center..manage 3 jobs..and not study for my upcoming board exams..so..i am glad someone changed that for me..well apparently, that someone was meant to leave me as well..and im fine with it..

that would lead me the the next part of my whole year..

febuary was great..i think that was one of the best times i’ve ever had..i was a princess!but not really..i was treated like a princess but that was just it..i cant be a friend i cant be a helping hand..i cant be anything but helpless..and thats totally not me..im used to being asked for help..for advice..so i’ve come to a conclusion that i dont want to be a princess..i want to be a friend..

i think that would be it for today..

im actually not in the mood to tell the story of my whole 2008..

just a glimpse of it, i guess..hehe

i wanna try this podcast thing though..

ciao..

this year has been exciting for me..

a lot of happy and sad things happened that i will surely never forget.

and towards the mid of the year, a challenge challenged me.. hehe

i have, rather, want to stay single for one whole year.

now im not saying that being in a relationship is everything for me. what im saying is, i’ve been in and out of relationships that most of the time, i dont know or forget how to be alone anymore. and i swear, it is difficult.

may 2008. i’ve decided to stay single. the only criteria that would extinguish my decision is if i say i love you back to a person.

somehow, i managed to stay happy and well. up until now, i am very much single but definitely not alone.. thats because i have my family with me. they keep me alive. they make me want to wake up and say -its gonna be a bright day ahead-

a friend asked me if i miss it. yeah..i miss it..but i dont miss it like hell..for some reason i am liking how the single thing is going..its freedom and love all at the same time..i am not losing all the love i have..i am gaining myself..i am under construction and im gonna come back with a bang!

im setting priorities. im studying harder than i thought i could. i am working to keep us fed and im loving it that my wallet is happy as well..

so i’ve stated my case..but i’d like to add more..

tips: to stay happy..

see the light!

its always nice to be optimistic. there is no downside at all. aside from the fact that you’ll get less of that stress from everyday activities, the smile on your face could make other people feel your happiness..

feel the air!

it could be a little warm sometimes but it will keep the coldness in your heart comforted..its a matter of dressing up your heart to whatever comes your way.. problems will always be there..and its gonna make you stronger..so deal with it head on..and of course the good times are always nice to entertain..remember: dont go with the flow..follow your heart..

hear the music!

some people may say bad things about you..but you know what is true.. its either you talk back or walk away..and from what i’ve heard..walking away is the bravest thing to do.. so the next time someone steps on your ego with their words..hear the melody and sing along..

smell the flowers!

suspicions are tricky..and when you smell something fishy, it is always the right thing to ask first..trust is always the best ingredient in every situation..if you learn how to trust you’ll learn how to understand..but i am not saying that you should be stupid all at the same time..asking is not enough..you should keep your eyes open and not lay your gaurds down..so dont dive into the smelly pool of stupidy..flowers definitely smell better..

taste the spice!

life isnt always sweet and not always bitter as well..have some adventure. do something new. its always nice to discover hidden talents and make them better.. sing out loud and dance like its the last dance..life shouldnt be a routine..its supposed to be exciting and fun..

enjoy every minute because life is short..and there’s no better way to spend it than to spend it for your God..