i just cant figure out why you’re doing this..

your name is such a give away..and it makes me wonder why you want me to know you’re still alive..fyi..i dont care.

over the weekend, i was trying to recall what happened between you and the other girls before me..

you told me they were out running after you..i even remember being slightly mad on your birthday when that girl called you up and interrupted our conversation..

is it because im not running after you??(what is there to run after for anyway..ew..)

is it because you think you miss me??

i dunno..i really dont want to know..

im even kind of confused why im thinking about it..seems unnecessary and pathetic..

***

if you’re reading this..

thank you for the compliment..i love writing..and i really want to be good at it..

im hoping you’re doing good..and if you are..you dont have to inform me..i couldnt care less..

im still as suplada as you first thought i was..

apat..

ika-apat na pagdampi ng labi ngunit hindi ko naramdaman na nais ko siyang makapiling..

pabiro kong sinambit na kung maaari’y ako na lang..sa akin nalang ibaling ang atensyong hindi niya napapansin..sa akin nalang ang panahon na hindi niya gustong naisin..

pabiro kong sinambit na kung maaari’y ako na lang..ako nalang ang ilibre niya..:P

ngunit walang pakiramdam..walang ligayang ni kumurot man lang sa akin..

kaibigan..manatili tayong magkaibigan..

-hindi na kita dapat pang pangalanan..-

^_^

*si -i cannot believe this- talaga..siguradong maliligayahan ako..:P* mwah!

wala pa ring pagbabago mula nang maramdaman ko ito..para bang nauubos ang lakas ko dahil hindi ko maisip kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin..kung hihinga pa ba ako o ititigil ko na ito para hindi ko na rin alalahanin pa ang mga susunod na mangyayari..

saan ko na ba inaalay ang bawat araw ko??para saan ba ang mga pangarap ko??

pamilya..tama..sila na nga lang ang dahilan kung bakit ko pa ito ginagawa..hindi na para sa akin dahil palagay ko magiging masaya ako kung makukuntento sila..

no pressure..hindi naman nila ako pinipilit na tuparin ang pangarap kong maging CPA..ako lang naman ito, pero alam kong hangad din nila ang tagumpay ko..

ano ba ang tagumpay??tagumpay bang masasabi kahit wala doon ang buong interes ko??

ang hirap naman..para akong umalis sa kinalalagyan ko at biglang nawalan ng direksyon..hindi ako makabalik..

pekeng mga ngiti na lang ang nakikita nila..hindi ako masaya..lalong hindi rin maligaya..

ang pagsulat nalang ang tanging lambing ko sa mga panahong ganito..

maghihintay ako sa muling pagtapak ko sa tamang direksyon..sa direksyong alam ko ang patutunguhan..sa pagbabalik ng dahilan para magpatuloy..

de is to remove

motivation  is the reason to act; interest; reason for behaving

im feeling different lately..like there’s no more reason to be where i am..

no reason to do what im doing..no reason to be who i am..

***

off to my next class room then suddenly my friend  showed up in front of me..no particular reason why she was there but she said you look different..like you’re tired or something..i’m guessing you’re not in love [rephrased and translated]

then i thought, is it the basis for happiness??is having someone really necessary for me to say im happy??is having that feeling compulsory to make them see that im doing fine..

i look at my friends and they’re all in the move to find that special someone to complete their lives..they look like they really need it in their lives..without it, all the hard work and effort to be somebody will end up in the garbage can if nobody notices..

but do I need it too??

is it the reason why im feeling like crap??

well i guess it will make me happy..feel better..

pero ayokong maging masaya..gusto kong maging maligaya..

i cannot believe this..

i never thought you’d be someone i’d know..the way i see you, you’re smart and aggressive..you’re attractive and strong..

i cannot believe this..

i said i would never write about you..but here i am..thinking of you every single minute im not thinking about something else..you are like a bad habit that i couldnt get rid of..

i cannot believe this..

i thought this would be just a thing i’d enjoy every once in a while..and yes..it still is..but i want more..more of you..more of what you have to offer..

i cannot believe this..

i actually secretly look at your profile and know things about you..i looked at hers too..im envious..im jealous..

i cannot believe this..

im day dreaming about you too much..you consume me..i want to see you..be with you..i want to be everything you’ll ever need..

i cannot believe this..

i am seriously liking you excessively..this is bad..because im doing this to myself..you dont even know that i enjoy the landian..

i cannot believe this..

just one last check on my list and i officially love you..

i cannot believe this..

but i dont want that to happen..i’d ruin everything..the friendship..all those things we could do together without this getting in the way..

i cannot believe this..

im aiming for something beyond my reach but im willing to settle for the left overs..

i cannot believe this..

im doomed..