its been weeks now..and i know that im better..

it is really better this way..i get to do the things that i love without restrictions..i get to meet new friends without being afraid that someone might get angry..

its simply being the old me..back to the basics..

but for some reason..i miss day dreaming about the future..our future..maybe i should shift these thoughts to something else..i just hate the feeling of knowing that i wont have someone tomorrow..

i’ve been online for 2 straight hours now..

how boring could it get??

i like surfing the net and looking at my friends’ profile and i know that there are countless ways to entertain myself with the internet..but i’m having this feeling of boredom..

i feel like i cant do anything or dont want to do anything at all..

its not normal..

tell me about it..but i just feel bored..

sorry..

i hate to admit it but i still have this small hurting feeling that suddenly makes me want to cry..

but i refuse to let my emotions loose..i dont want to be weak about this..

i just want to live and be like i used to be..

suddenly i feel like i dont know how to start from scratch..though i’ve done it before..it seems a little bit harder now..

just a little bit..

i just want to remind myself of the brighter and better future waiting for me..the only thing left to hope for is his happiness as well..

but i dont know how to wish for that when what i really want is to make everything like it was..

now i’ve really proved that love at first sight is not true as a lot of men look at it..

i fell for it..and i tripped harder than i ever could..

reasons are just words i came up with to make you go away..

just keep me at the back of your mind..

its fine if you want to hate me..because i want to hate you too..but as much as i want to, i can’t..or maybe i wont..

i don’t know anything now..

i don’t want to know anything..everything..

just let me think like this so i’d forget..so i could carry on..

so i could..live..

i’m sorry for picking on you..for making you confused and worry..just in case you did..

sorry for cursing you..i didn’t want to say that..now that i realized that i was really really wrong..

let’s just think of this as my way of getting better..

its not the best way..that’s for sure..but it’s the only way i know..

the one before you was the greatest love ever..but you are the most real thing i have ever had..

had..

i wish to have you again..

but i will let go..

i will never remember you..

i don’t want to remember you..

goodbye to us..

goodbye to you..

i wont ever want to cry..

the next time would be if someone dies..

i feel empty in a very peculiar way right now.. i suddenly forgot how to express sadness..or happiness..

but i will get better.. i know..

maybe I’m just creating a reason for living..or a reason for letting it die fast..

i did this to myself to help me get on with my life..

someone even said “its a phase, you’ll get over it”  and i know i will.. i know who i am and though i don’t know what I’m doing most of the time..I’m hoping its for something better than this..

this time, though i promised it a lot of times before, i will learn and decide better..

something’s coming my way and i want to be ready for it..

i want to face it with an unbroken character..a whole personality..face it with the best person i could ever be..