i really shouldn’t do this on a children’s website. Despite my adoration for hello kitty and the constant battle between adulthood and my inner child, I feel increasingly stifled every time I log on to write something. I mean… Kids can see this. They shouldn’t have to be subjected to my sarcastic, angry, confused, fucked up thoughts that I so carelessly spill all over this page. I think if I were to transfer these rants onto a page more suitable for my banter I would realize what a complete douchebag I am for blogging. I wouldn’t dare put it on myspace in fear that people might catch a glimpse of what a loser I can be at times. See at least writing here is more of a secret and if you just so happen to be lurking one night you might find it. Like Narnia. just not nearly as satisfying. but equally as cold. I jest. sigh.

well, here goes..

stupid, foolish girls. girls always mess things up for other girls. girls ruin good men. girls ruin good fashion. girls ruin good music by pretending to like it so men will think they are cooler than they really are. fuck girls. fuck me. I’m guilty of butchering plenty of things. unfortunately my pride won’t let me elaborate but I’m sure you can figure it out. I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s hard keeping up with the Jones. I never saw the notebook. the notebook, or rather the conversations that said girls had after watching that movie created such a disgust in myself that I decided to boycott it. Have you ever had a friend cry to you and say something along the lines of, ” There are no good men.” or ” All men are assholes, Why can’t I just find a caring, sensitive guy who will read me poetry?” Right. good. Now combine that conversation with the notebook. ” I just want a guy like Noah.” ( I assume that this is the typical ” nice guy who finishes last” character).

No, stupid girl, you don’t. Sensitive guys are all around you. You talk to them everyday. they are your best guy friends. yep. him. mister pick you up at 4am because you’re too drunk to drive. When girls aren’t physically attracted to a guy but dig their personality they put them in the friend zone. Thats where you will find a sensitive guy. check your friend zone. You don’t want him do you? No, you want the asshole who is probably out drinking too much right now and forgetting to call his mother. humor. When you meet a nice guy who “comes on a little too strong” you get grossed out and call him a stalker.

This is why I boycotted the Notebook. Because It gave stupid girls another reason to make me hate them. I’m sorry. Children please turn your attention to something else. This is horrid. Please don’t think like me when you grow up. and get that cigarette out of your mouth. sheesh.

I have gotten a lot better at seeing the world with rosy glasses. I no longer wake up to the feeling of the world crashing on my rib cage. its a start. I have also learned that there is really no sense in raising your voice in an argument. or when things don’t go your way. This is what I mean by adulthood. not throwing temper tantrums. For the last 21 years on this earth, my surroundings have turned me into a grouchy, cantankerous brat. I have been insatiable and constantly seeking someone new to get a rise out of. I had my good moments too. This isn’t to say Its been all bad. Sometimes I can make you laugh. What do you expect from a person who for most of her life was a social outcast and completely awkward in her own skin?

Oh well. Were movin’ on up. This blog has made no sense. It’s 4:28 am and I’m sitting on my pink couch drinking tea and trying to mask what I really want to say.

Finish your chores. tell your parents that you love them. Don’t lose your virginity to the first dickhead with a car that takes you to o’charleys. lol. jesus. literally. laugh out loud. Speaking of your parents, they just want whats best for you. and they are probably right not to like your boyfriend who has his nipples pierced and wears his hat backward ( or worse, to the side). You will learn this in time. Also ladies, please don’t support people like Paris and other celebuwhores. It’s not cute what they are doing. We all love a good trainwreck but by feeding into this we are just telling the younger generations that this is cool and acceptable. Do you want to see your little sister knocked up at 16 like Britney Spears’ mini me? neither do I. Cancel your subscription to US weekly and stop watching the goddamn E! channel.

I love you.

sto·i·cism (stō’ĭ-sĭz’əm)
n.

1. Indifference to pleasure or pain; impassiveness.

“Stoicism teaches the development of self-control, fortitude and detachment from distracting emotions; the philosophy holds that indifference to pleasure or pain allows one to become a clear thinker, level-headed and unbiased. A primary aspect of Stoicism involves improving the individual’s spiritual well-being.”

Can you imagine all the shit you could accomplish if you could detach yourself from emotion? If you could ignore your feelings and become completely numb to your surroundings?

Really.

It seems like women (namely myself) sometimes lack the ability to be apathetic to things.

Humanity is based on emotion. Humanity is also destroying itself because of it. If we all learned to toughen up a little I doubt we would continue to think the “world is against us.”

just something to think about.

To fret and fuss about all the things that I truly find to be worth my (fleeting) time.

All the stupid details keep me occupied from seeing the bigger picture.

(i like it.)

Beck must of had one hell of a kick-in-the-teeth to have wrote

” Sea Change”. At least he got an amazing album out of it.

girls are pathetic.

i want a love that exists only in songs from the fifties. i want a love that is stronger than currency and status. i want a companion that knows when to come close and when to stay away. i want a feeling that is never short of butterflies. i want a romance that is reminiscent of Egypt. i want someone to believe my face could launch a thousand ships. i want to be able to look into theirs and remember exactly why i fell in love with them everyday. i want a love that at one point was unattainable. I want someone who’s past is irrelevant. and vice versa. I want a being that i never find boring. or someone that never gives me the urge to break their nose. i want vrai amour.

Listen.

break-ups are nasty. Break-up for me means division. Division of the assets ( and pawning of the assets for cig money). Division of friends. Division of the life you created together. Then there are the awkward moments of running into your ex and their new beau. You can either take the high road, or you can rip said Beau’s face off. However you decide to handle this incredibly uncomfortable situation should measure just how “over it” you really are. Then there is the other speed bump in the road: The wolf in friend’s clothing. This is the element of the break-up you really have to watch out for. This character will jump on your team, buy you drinks, Tell you that you can ” do better”, maybe even throw in a bash or two, you know, for comradery . The Wolf will then go to your ex, repeat this process, befriend their new beau, repeat everything you said, and act as a spy. BEWARE OF THE WOLF. It is the wolf’s soul objective to make sure any ties you might have with your ex are severed. What for? You will never know unless you yourself have once been the wolf in friend’s clothing.

My wolf was out for blood. and blood they got. But instead of finding out about the Wolf during it’s game, they took themselves out of the circle, discarded their friends, and retreated to their den to watch the blood-bath ensue. In other words, my wolf went Rogue. My wolf converted to the dark side. My wolf is planning on living my exes new beau.

….and in other words….

my wolf has a death wish.

On August 2nd I had my right back wisdom tooth pulled, Did a photoshoot, and spent the last hour of the night sitting next to my roomate googling pictures of funny cats. It was in this moment I realized that, without her, my life would not only be un-funny, but shit in general.

Here is a little nugget we saved for you:

And people wonder why I am so friggin’ scared of roaches.

I think this is pretty self explanatory.