Kind of… I can think about him without wanting to cry… But it’s still hard… I feel like I’m missing a piece of myself… It’s… not right…

I miss him and love him still…

So I’m feeling better. I can talk to him on messenger without wanting to cry. …. For a while, at least. I hope I get to feeling better soon… But there is no way I would be able to like anyone else…

I love him.

I can’t even think about him.

Right now, I’m keeping my mind a blank of everything except what I’m typing.

I’m having to ignore everything about him.

I won’t be able to talk to him on the phone or messenger.
I have to ignore him… all thoughts.
I can’t just burst into tears when I’m talking to him with mom and dad around.
Now things have become even more secret!

I’m really scared. I don’t want him to find someone else…

Life just went to fucking shit.

Nearly a fucking year. And he decides to break up with me.

I’m in fucking peices. Don’t try fixing me.

Okay, honestly, I’m just going to be ranting about something I understand, but I’m being spoiled and depressed about it…

Okay. So I’ve been planning on going to Canada for a while.. I made a mistake a while back about it, so now mom and dad are being involved in it.. I do understand that. But… The stress is having a horrible effect on my dad; he was getting closer to a nervous breakdown, the closest mom’s ever seen, she said..

So the guy I’m gonna stay with, he’s like my brother in some ways, more than that in others.. He told me that he couldn’t do it.. Have me come up while dad was having a horrible time of it. Being a Green Mage, a healer, he can’t cause dad that kind of pain.. I understand that.. completely. Since he and mom agreed on me staying for a year down here, he offered to let me stay a little more than a month, about 6 weeks he offered. Mom didn’t want it. It was still me going up there. I was really excited at the offer, hoping I would be able to go… but… Same thing.. same reasons.

Gods.. Sometimes life sucks.. Ever since then, I’ve been close to crying about it.. If I do.. Maybe it’ll help me with my contacts when I find my glasses.