Terrible…
Really freaking terrible… I’ve been crying more than I figured I would be… I thought I was on my way through this… I guess I’m not. I didn’t realize how much I was attached to him… how much I am attached to him.
Life sucks when you don’t have anyone… he wants to be friends right now.. I understand that part… but… there’s the part of me that wants to cry tears of blood.. part of me that wants to bleed out the pain… I feel what he did now… It’s in my chest… an ache… Wanting, almost desperately, for what was to be again.. I want to feel pain.. but when I think about doing it, I don’t. I guess that’s what I did for myself..
*Sigh.* I want a soul-knife… to nick at my soul.. to feel fully, not dully, the pain that’s inside… I don’t like this pain… There has to be more to it..
The only thing that comes to mind is to forget. I can’t do that. Even ignoring is only temporary.. I want nothing more than to go… I can’t.. but I want to… just so, so much…