Through These Eyes
(http://blog.kuririnmail.com/girlinblue)
The World As I See It

Archive for April, 2008

Depression

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

Is it possible for depression to have a good effect? Anger is considered as healing/needed. Can the same thing be said of this?

 

I’ve been thinking about this for some time already. I think that at some point in time, every one experiences this feeling of extreme sadness coupled with strange emptiness. I know I have, not just once. Is it possible for depression to be healing? Is it possible to be a tool for recovery? Maybe once one focuses inwards, one will have the ability to understand his/her own emotions in such a way that s/he will be able to deal with it.

 

Anyway, that’s just my thought. What’s yours?

 

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Angel - Sarah McLachlan

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

 

It’s true, I admit it. I do have escapist tendencies. There are times when I just want to go, run, and be free, free from rules, free from constraints, free from pain. I just want to breathe. I want to feel truly alive, without any restrictions, without anyone dictating. I want to experience that glorious moment of freedom, when all you can do is to feel the sweetness of the wind, all your senses alive.

But I don’t do that. Because I know who I am and what’s expected of me. Duty first, of course. That’s always been the case for me, and I don’t think it’s going to change anytime soon.

Is there even a way to reconcile these two together?

 

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