I just realized: even though I have a “Reflections” category, I don’t think I actually have a post that actually follows that. All I’ve ever posted are pictures with the corresponding reason on why I posted it. Never have I talked about my faith walk, my life, my stories, so right now, maybe I should just start right now.
I guess it’s funny how my closest friends have said that I think too much. I’m not denying that. On the contrary, I agree wholeheartedly. My mind is way too active for its own good. I’m constantly thinking, analyzing, studying, processing… So much so that it gives me a headache sometimes, because I think I put in meaning in places where there’s really nothing lying behind these. On the flip side, I just can’t seem to accept things at face value. Some might say it’s a personality quirk, it’s an essential part of me, but it just makes me think (oh no, more thinking) that I should slow down.
I guess all that made me realize how much I’ve become reliant on my own intelligence, or at least, depending on how the world sees things. That’s pretty funny, considering that I’m one of the people who have proudly stated at least once, “To heck with the world!” Not that I’ve stopped believing, but it’s like I’ve put my relationship with God in the backseat for more stuff that I deemed to be important at the time (although, in reality, they’re not). Sure, I could always say that my ministries are for the Lord. However, if I were to ask myself if that’s really completely true, my answer would be a “no.” I’ve done these tasks a lot of times because they’re stuff that needed to be done, and not because it’s for His glory. It says in 1 Corinthians, “Whether we eat or drink, or whatever it is we do, we do it for His glory.” How come I’ve stopped praying that prayer? How come I’ve become so immersed with the day-to-day stuff that I failed to put the most important thing first?
Most of the stuff that I do, they’re products of my mind. I’ve thought them up. I’ve been able to do these because I decided to do so, and I did (notice the many “I”s in those statements?) I admit, I’m a mind over a heart, maybe because I believe that logic should rise above emotions. That doesn’t mean that feelings are bad, though. On the contrary, they’re good. I think that’s what makes us even more human than thoughts (respecting philosophers Descartes, Thomas Aquinas, etc., of course), because animals don’t really know what compassion and faith are all about - and these things have their roots on the heart.
Maybe it’s time that I should stop over-analyzing and just give my brain a break - and my heart a chance. The phrase “leap of faith” isn’t just pulled out of empty air - it’s really something you do when you learn to trust, like when you get on a bike and believe that you won’t fall of it even if it’s just two wheels put together by a few pieces of metal. You jump because you believe. Then again, when you do it, you do that as a conscious act - so maybe your mind can’t really be separated from you, not completely anyway.
Wow, I’m rambling. So much for making this a deep reflective entry. Anyway, I hope that makes even the tiniest bit of sense.