ok sooooooooooooooooooo i should just say this before i say anything: i am a vegetarian and a huge animal rights activist. NOW… yesterday, when me and my mom (whom i am freakishly close to) were having our yearly “we-hate-thanksgiving!!!!” rampage, we started talking about hunters. hunters represent all we hate in the world. then i went to sleep. now let me say something else: i am one of those ppl whose dreams almost always come true. serioulsy, whenever i have a fight with a freind, or a family member or a pet is going to die, or im getting something i really want for christmas, i always dream about it about a week before it happens. now, remember the guy i cant stop blogging about? i had a dream about him being a hunter. my dreams are wrong sometimes, but mostly theyre right. so maybe i was wrong, but what if i wasnt???? we both love music, rain, checkers, and… idk he makes me happy. just the idea of him makes me smile. whenever we hang out i annoy the crap out of all my friends and family by being all super happy for like 3 weeks.
but what if my dream was right????????????
i cant believe anyone would actually hunt unless they were desperate… and by that i mean stranded in the woods for weeks desperate. the idea of anyone killing innocent creatures- creatures who are just sitting there, minding their own business, probably collecting food for their babies-makes me sick. i dont even kill bugs. i compare hunters with murderers-because really thats what they are. when someone tells me they hunt it makes me want to hunt them. even thinking about hunters made me take a break from blogging to blast some rock music to let out my anger at hunters. as happy as this guy makes me is how unhappy hunters make me. if the two are combined, it would cause my brain to spontaneously combust.
so u see my predicament. i kno this sounds SUPER CHEESY but i have never ever felt like that about anybody. and i know he whole “i have a 6th sense where i have dreams that come true” thing sounds 100% insane, but seriously, i had a dream that i got in a fight with my friend and we didnt tlk for 3 months, and we got in a fight the next day. i had a dream me and my boyfriend broke up, then it happened 3 days later.
so im freaked
help!

ok i have this guy friend whos like my best friend and ive also had a crush on him for like 4 years, but he really likes my best friend.  so he asked her out forl like the zillionth time and she invited him to go to our friends bands concert with her (im pretty sure she only did it cuz he got his hair cut emo and she wants to make out with him now.  sorry that wuz mean and im just jealous.)  and BECAUSE IM A TOTAL IDIOT  i told her i was going too (to make sure she wouldnt try to kiss him or anything because she wuz afraid of me seeing.  shes not that heartless that shed kiss him in front of me.)  but it backfired cuz shes all “oh thatd be fun.  we can all go together!”  so i wuz gonna try to get out of it but then he sent me a message on myspace and i wuz all “oh im going to the concert w/ u guys” EVEN THO ID RATHER EAT GLASS  so now i have to spend freaking $12 on tickets to a concert i dont even want to go to (its a heavy metal band, which im really not into)  to watch my 2 best friends flirt with each other!!!!!!!  ugh… how 2 get out of it??????????????

OK, u wanna hear something weird???????????????? remember that dude i cant shut up about? welllllllllllllllll a while ago i found out he has a girlfriend (SAD!) but even weirder, she goes to my school!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for the weird part: me and her R a lot alike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 things me and this girl have in common
1.) same colored streaks in our hair!!!!!
2.) very similar taste in music!! we have the same favorite band and the same favorite songs by said band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3.) we’re both actors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4.) we’re friends with lots of the same people, but i didnt even kno who she was untill last week and i didnt find out she was his girlfriend untill a few hours ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and finally….

5.) obviously, we both is this significant somehow??????????????????????????????????????? or am i taking totally normal things and deciding that they are significant????
maybe another list will clarify…

5 things that are way different about me and this person

1.) ummmmmm….. shes a little taller (and thinner) than me

2.) uhhhh…. im from the city and shes from the suburbs

3.) shes also friends with a few people who i dont get along with at all.

4.) her sense of humor is quite immature

last but not least…

5.) i really love older music from like the 80s and she doesnt seem to be as crazy about it as i am (tho i kno the guy in question s even more crazy about it than i am)

ok, thats a pretty lame list!!!! 60% of those things dont really matter at all!!!!!!

maybe its just me, but i find this all a little weird……. but tell me what u think plz!! i want 2 kno if im thinking perfectly normal things r weird or if they really r weird.

ten things ive learned since i started high school

10.) performing arts schools are much more fun than normal ones

9.) the boys are much better at conversations than the girls.  their vocab goes beyond “my boyfriend_______”  (not meaning to offend.  im not saying all high school girls are like that just most of the ones i have encountered so far)

8.) sometimes science teachers really do look like mad scientists, and they are the best ones

7.) the teachers that track down the gifted, talented or similar kids are a lot less stalkerish, creepy or similar in high school

6.) it super-sucks when ur the type whos a tad closer to her outside of school friends than her in school friends because your busy with homework, visual arts club, trivia teams that the gifted talented coordinator “strongly reccomends” you join (NerdSquad as i call it, not meaning to offend cuz i myself am a nerd) etc… to be constantly calling/texting them.  (the calling and texting is especially hard when your only out-of-school friend who leaves her phone on dropped said phone in a swimming pool the last time you hung out)

5.) it also super-sucks when you get a mad craving for oreos during science and have to wait for the end of day after homework, various meetings of clubs, the completion of your science experiment, and rushing to the aide of friends going through boyfriend-drama (and the obligatory hanging out with family members 4 days a week who like to pretend that if they guilt-trip you enough you’ll flunk out of school to spend every spare second with them)  to satisfy said oreo craving, by which time you’re craving something entirely different.

4.) apparently, not a lot of high-schoolers enjoy watching re-runs of the powerpuff girls and when you confess that you do enjoy it, they compare you with a giant 5-year-old (at least the girls do)

3.) the idea of science class danger goes from “crap, the bugs im observing got out and got squshed” to “crap, i got corrosive acid on my hand and have 30 seconds to rinse it off or else i get a super cool yet painful scar.”

2.) EVERYONE is going to homecoming.  everyone.  id rather stay home and read, so apparently im wierd.

and finally…

1.) you never get time for naps.

7 reasons why boys at my school are a tad more fun to hang with than the girls (no offense to girls)

7.) they dont get bored talking about politics

6.) or cars

5.) or x-men

4.) they work in class instead of gossiping and pretending to work when the teacher looks at them

3.) they arent all “oh you hang out with that boy a lot!  do you like him?” because they are the boys i hang out with and have considered that maybe i just like them as a friend.

2.) they dont smell like cotton candy!!!! why do people make cotton-candy-scented perfume?????  im perfectly fine with any other smell-i personally am in favor of coconut and fruit-scented perfume- but cotton candy makes me want to gag and gives me a headache at the same time!!! (how does it do that you ask?? i wish i knew)

last but not least…

1.) they can say a full paragraph without saying the words “boyfriend”, “homecoming”, or “cute”

not to say that all girls are like that.  ive met a large-ish handfull of girls at my new school who i get along with fine.  but OH MY GOD i am so sick of talking about guys!!!!  its wierd cuz lots of my friends know me as boy-crazy, but i need a break from it all- something my best friend doesnt get at all, which i in turn am quite frustrated about.  ive made an interesting discovery:  the best way to get a breaqk from boys is to hang out with boys.

5 reasons i should stop writing lists and go to sleep

5.) i have to get up at 6

4.) i got up at 6 this morning

3.) and i havent even brushed my hair yet.

2.) i dont actually have to sleep, i can read.

and the most important reason…

1.) im tired.

3 reasons i should keep writing lists

3.) i have lists that need writing!!

2.) i like the clicking sound the keyboard makes when i type.

finally…

1.) i dont feel like puting away my computer.

1 reason im going to sleep now

1.) i have visual arts club tomorrow, and i want to be nice and awake for it.

thats all ive got to say tonight.  please dont be offended by my saying that boys are better at conversations than girls; its just my opinion for now ‘cuz im sick of talking about boy drama.

remember about 3 months ago i wuz talking about this dude i met at this hotel-y thing?  well i had another hotel-y thing this weekend and guess who wuz there??????? *happy dance, happy dance*  YAY!  im still in a super-good mood from hanging out w/ him on saturday.

in other news, first day of high school wuz today.

some words that described my first day of school

• quiet
• awkward
• lonely
• exhausting
• boring

i only had one class w/ anyone i knew and every class we did the same thing:talked about what we’ll learn, expectations, read over the syllabus… that gets so incredibly boring after a while.  and no me gusta mi clase de espanol.  la maestra es muy bueno, but soy solo porque es todos los décimos graduadores.  for those of you who dont speak spanish, i said i dont like my spanish class.  the teacher is really good, but im lonely becaust it is all tenth graders. (im not actually sure about this ‘cuz i didnt know how to say “it is all tenth graders” in spanish so i had to use a translator for that part and idk if it translated wrong.)  i got to skip spanish 1 cuz i took it for 3 years so im in spanish 2.  however,  since this schools kinda wierd (4 long classes a day instead of a bunch of short ones)  so only 9th graders that took spanish for all of middle school can skip to spanish 2.  which translates to me feeling very, very awkward.

back to this weekend: this time i was smart and got the dudes email address.  i wont actually get to see him in person till next may (crying!)  but at least i have his email now.

anywayzz, wish me luck tomorrow for my second day of high school cuz i seriopusly will need it.  in the spanish class i wuz whining about, they all kept messing up their spanish numbers (which i know very well) and it wuz sooooooo harddddddddd  to not correct anyone.  however, no one likes being corrected (especially by someone a year younger than them who shouldnt even be in their class) so i had to sit there and suffer.  ugh!

hope all of your first days of school are better!

hvae u ever had to break up with someone that u were completely crazy about and they were even crazier about u but something got in the way?  ever picked a fight over something stupid to make it easier and have to watch their face just fall?  and then have u ever made the mistake of watching them walk away afterwards?  if u havent then u have no clue how im feeling.  if u have, then… well, u do.  but in my situation, its different cuz its 100% my fault.  heres what happened.

remember when i talked about my first kiss?  well after that the same guy got quite a bit better at kissingand for about 2 days life was awesome.  ten my best friend told me that he was talking about me behind my back.  she said that he said i was annoying and boring and a bunch of other really bad stuff.  she also said she wouldnt talk to me untill i broke up with him.  so i decided i would dump him.  so we made plans the other day, and i walked all the way to this coffee shop by his house.  i called and his sister in law said hed already left to meet me.  he lives in kind of a bad neighborhood, so i was incredibly nervous.  and i waited. and waited.  and waited.  finally, 45 minutes and lots of origami birds later,  i called my best friend, who practically lives at her boyfriends house which is right by my guys house.  so she comes to my rescue, and finally my guy shows up, telling me he fell asleep.                                                                    i really shouldnt have done what i did next.  i mean, i know he doesnt get much sleep and that it was mostly his sister-in-laws fault for telling me he left already and not saying he fell asleep and to reschedule.  but i was incredibly freaked because i had waited in a bad neighborhood for 45 minutes to break up with him even though i really didnt want to.  so i just snapped.  i freaked out and totally guilt tripped him for faling asleep and told him i didnt think we should go out anymore if he was gonna be like that.  and my friend said he should go home.                                                                                                                    one look at his face and i knew that there was some sort of mistake with my friend and him.  whatever he said she misheard or he didnt mean or… something.  but i could just tell from the look in his eyes that he didnt think i was boring or annoying or any of the things she said.  and i also knew that i had majorly screwed up.  but beforee i could say anything,  he turned and shuffled away looking like he was about to cry.  i knew he never cried.                   so i turned to my friend and said “he looked so sad”  and she responded with “oh, hes just trying to guilt trip you.”  i wasnt even surprised.  i knew she wouldnt understand and that if i went after him shed never talk to me again.  and she really is a good friend in all cases non-boy-related.  so i just watched him walk away.  and i just talked to him via text message, and im pretty sure he wouldnt take me back if i asked him to.  he sounded too sad.

so that brings m,e to now.  no one ive talked to is helpful.  my best friend tells me to just get over it, my grandma doesnt quite get why im sad, nd my little sister…well, is ten and has never gone out with anyone.  my mom gets that im sad but doesnt quite get how sad cuz she doesnt know the entire story.  she loves my ex and doesnt really like my friend so i know shed say to dump her for him which i cant do.  so im hoping one of my fellow sanrio-ites will have something helpful to say.

so, sanrio-ites…HELP!  (please)

why is it that ppl are so obsessed with standing out?  a few years ago, almost everyone i knew had the same idea of what “pretty” means–classic, blonde-haired small-waisted girly-dressing girls–and most of them disliked the fact that they didnt fit the stereotype.  however, i have blond hair and i like dressing girly (my waist isnt that small) and i didnt love it, i didnt resent it, i was just like “thats just how i am.”  but now all of my friends (who are perfectly awesome how they are) are changing every detail about themselves-dying their hair funky neon colors even if they have naturally beautiful hair,  claiming to be “emo” when they were happy and cheerful for their whole lives, dressing like boys with baggy pants and backwards baseball caps when their favorite colors are pink and purple -all in an attempt to “stand out” untill they arent the same person anymore!!  i dont really care to act like a poser and try to twist reality into something its not, so i have remained how i am, blond hair and pink clothes.  for a little while no one really cared, but suddenly im a “conformist” for not being all “look at me im so different!”  but really, if you think about it, its even more conformist to try to change yourself just because everyone says to “stand out” (for those of you who dont know the definition of conformist, it means to alter your looks, personality or other things about yourself in order to make others like or accept you)  when people say “dont be afraid to stand out” they dont mean to go out of your way to be different, they simply mean that if you are different, you shouldnt hide it just because you think people dont like that quality.  i know i sound cheesy, but id much rather hang out with people who like me for the right reasons-e.g. sense of humor, intelligence, ability to keep up a conversation, etc.-not because i have hair you can see a mile away, listen to death rock, cross-dress, wear shirts of bands ive never heard of, or any other stupid, untrue reasons.  because, seriously, whats the point?  i dont get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  my friends and i used to make fun of the people who wore shoes they didnt know how to walk in or carry around charcoal and sketchbooks when they are about as artistically gifted as a jar of peanut butter just because the guy they liked did or whatever, and now suddenly theyve become what they hated and im in the twilight zone.

seriously, is there an actual good reason for any of the above mentioned efforts to be “different”?  im not dissing people who are actually emo or who dye their hair because they like it that way, but i am dissing the people who do stuff like that in order to try to fit in with people whom they have nothing in common with but think are “cool”.  and for what?  about a million awkward conversations and seeminly small lies that stretch and stretch and stretch?  CLARIFICATION PLEASE!!!

ok.  soo… i had my first kiss yesterday.  it was….. very very awkward.  this is where it gets confusing… idk y it was awkward!  the setting was sooo classic - we were @ the park at like 10 @ night and there were stars and everything!  and the person isnt the issue - he wasnt a great kisser (from what i could tell, this being my first kiss) but he wasnt really a bad one either.  and its not like i dont like him - he is perhaps one of the awesomest ppl on the planet - and im pretty sure it wasnt my fault (im just v. good @ avoiding awkwardness ’cause i hate hate hate awkwardness) so im not really sure what it was…

and this is the part where i totally suck as a person.  me & him were gonna hang out 2day, but i canceled for no reason except i just felt like it.  i told him i ws busy, but i spent the whole day reading.  reading reading reading.  i finished a 360 page book.  and i was depressed all day for no reason!!  i really like reading, but it didnt cheer me up at all.  i tried reading outside (fresh air and sunlight normally cheer me up) i tried reading to music, i tried reading outside to music, and when none of that worked i cleaned.  nothing. i was depressed all day.  i am really mood swing-y, so im never in one mood all day (except “happy” sometimes) i have not been sad all day since my best friend moved 2 colorado and lost his personality-yet today i was sad all day and the only thing that makes today different than every other day since my friend moved 2 colorado and lost his personality (and yes, my best friend was a boy) was that my first kiss happened yesterday so im guessing the two are somehow connected.  but im wondering

why?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?

the first time he kissed me on the cheek i smiled 4 a week straight.  same for the first time he held my hand.  but he kisses me on the lips -my first kiss on the lips ever-and i get all depressed.

and now i cant sleep.  again.  for a month i got only 3 hours of sleep a night at most, and i finally got over it but suddenly i have insomnia again and im mad about it.

i know its not that i dont like him - i really do.  and i suppose it could have been more awkward (thank god he kept his mouth closed!!)

but… i still dont get y im so depressed.  maybe i came down with a case of depression at the exact same time that i got my first kiss by some freakish coincedence.  maybe while my conscience mind is normal, my subconscience mind is emo.  maybe i have the flu!!!! i remember whenever ihad the flu i was super crabby-and i was crabbier about the crbbiness than the actual sick thing, so i noticed the crabby part first!!!!

yeah, untill i get a better excuse, im going w/ the flu thing.

ive been having writers block so im just gonna try to write more!!

When Esmerelda looked up from the note her dad slipped her, she saw her best friend Marc standing in front of her.  Marc was born in Greece and came to Chicago when he was 2, but he went back to Greece every winter break, so he never lost his Greek accent.  He had really tan skin and black curly hair.  And he knew her better than anyone in the world.  So, of course,he knew what was up by the look on her face

“what did your dad do this time?”  he asked.

She handed him the note.  While he read the note, she scanned the sidewalk for her father, but somehow in the 1 minute it took for her to read the note, notice Marc and give the note to Marc, he had disappeared.  

He had a wierd habbit of doing that.

like i said i made that up as i went so tell me if its any good or if i should delete/re-write it.

…to everyone who commented my story and just my blog in general w/ nice comments virtual high-fives 2 all of u!!!!!!!!!!!  =D im super happy LIFE IS AWESOME!!! =] =] =]