first kiss :P
ok. soo… i had my first kiss yesterday. it was….. very very awkward. this is where it gets confusing… idk y it was awkward! the setting was sooo classic - we were @ the park at like 10 @ night and there were stars and everything! and the person isnt the issue - he wasnt a great kisser (from what i could tell, this being my first kiss) but he wasnt really a bad one either. and its not like i dont like him - he is perhaps one of the awesomest ppl on the planet - and im pretty sure it wasnt my fault (im just v. good @ avoiding awkwardness ’cause i hate hate hate awkwardness) so im not really sure what it was…
and this is the part where i totally suck as a person. me & him were gonna hang out 2day, but i canceled for no reason except i just felt like it. i told him i ws busy, but i spent the whole day reading. reading reading reading. i finished a 360 page book. and i was depressed all day for no reason!! i really like reading, but it didnt cheer me up at all. i tried reading outside (fresh air and sunlight normally cheer me up) i tried reading to music, i tried reading outside to music, and when none of that worked i cleaned. nothing. i was depressed all day. i am really mood swing-y, so im never in one mood all day (except “happy” sometimes) i have not been sad all day since my best friend moved 2 colorado and lost his personality-yet today i was sad all day and the only thing that makes today different than every other day since my friend moved 2 colorado and lost his personality (and yes, my best friend was a boy) was that my first kiss happened yesterday so im guessing the two are somehow connected. but im wondering
why?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?
the first time he kissed me on the cheek i smiled 4 a week straight. same for the first time he held my hand. but he kisses me on the lips -my first kiss on the lips ever-and i get all depressed.
and now i cant sleep. again. for a month i got only 3 hours of sleep a night at most, and i finally got over it but suddenly i have insomnia again and im mad about it.
i know its not that i dont like him - i really do. and i suppose it could have been more awkward (thank god he kept his mouth closed!!)
but… i still dont get y im so depressed. maybe i came down with a case of depression at the exact same time that i got my first kiss by some freakish coincedence. maybe while my conscience mind is normal, my subconscience mind is emo. maybe i have the flu!!!! i remember whenever ihad the flu i was super crabby-and i was crabbier about the crbbiness than the actual sick thing, so i noticed the crabby part first!!!!
yeah, untill i get a better excuse, im going w/ the flu thing.