i would like to dedicate this song to someone whos pissing me off.
u should know who you are.

A friendly goodbye (F YOU!)

I can lay it on real thick
Cause I know how you don’t like to get bogged down
With anything ’bout us
And our kick ass true love tale
Sorry I swore just then
Cause I know you hate it
And by the way that cake you baked me really sucked
But I ate it

[Chorus]
Cause I loved you
Even more than you could ever imagine
Here’s a friendly goodbye
5,6,7
Ain’t that a “b” with an itch
Ain’t that a mother trucker
You can go to h-e-double hockey sticks
And f yourself
Cause I’m flippin’ gosh darn sick
Of all the “s” words you put me through
So f-u
F-u

I can hang it out to dry
Cause I know how you like all your laundry neat
And not just thrown around
Like a chain saw in need of juggling
Sorry I flipped you off cause I know,
How you hate it
And that homemade porn I said that I erased
Well I saved it

[Chorus]
Cause I loved you
Even more than you could ever imagine
Here’s a friendly goodbye
5,6,7
Ain’t that a “b” with an itch
Ain’t that a mother trucker
You can go to h-e-double hockey sticks
And f yourself
Cause I’m flippin’ gosh darn sick
Of all the “s” words you put me through
So f-u
F-u..,f-u..,f-u

I’ll send you a post card that says
I’m glad you’re not here
I’ll buy you a t-shirt
But I’ll use it to wipe up the beer
That I spilled
While I was spilling my guts
To my friends about you
And I really don’t have anything else nice to say
But f-u
F-u

[Half Chorus]
5,6,7
Ain’t that a “b” with an itch
Ain’t that a mother trucker
You can go to h-e-double hockey sticks
And f yourself
Cause I’m flippin’ gosh darn sick
Of all the “s” words you put me through
So f-u
F-u..,f-u..,f-u

she thinks its me.  she thinks ive changed.  the truth is, i changed when she did.

in fact, no one else would see the difference.  no one else did.  or they didnt care.  to be honest, i dont care either.

or i wouldnt care, except that shes been treating me differently.  like shes afraid of what i might say next. 

like i always am around her.

i know it was mostly my fault, but i ammended it as well as i could.  i even asked “havent you ever taken something out on someone innocent and then regretted it?  what do u do then?”  she said “id say ‘im sorry, its not you, i was going through some crap and ur just the one i took it out on.”  me: “THATS WHAT I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”   because it is.  and then, for the rest of the day it was back to normal.  i thought shed moved past it. 

but today, it was back to walking on balloons.

even thats not the worst part.  the worst part is that shes gotten even more clingy than ever.  normally id be happy-after all, she invited that guy with us every time we hung out for nine painfull months.  and i hated it.  and now im thne center of her attention.  this was what i wanted.

except now its not.  because, honestly, im afraid of what i might say too

“theres a seat for you at the rodeo and ive got every slow dance saved/besides the mexican food sucks north of here anyway” (song: ohio (come back to texas) artist:bowling for soup)
I LOVE THAT SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just love bowling for soup i could be in the worst mood ever (which i was) and it could cheer me up (which it did)
so much better than those super-deep “meaningful” songs that some potentially awesome bands do that ruin them in my eyes forever.
and waay better than that random crap that some bands write that make them sound like they wrote them in their sleep like “fireflies” by owl city (i like “vanilla twilight” by them though)
its just like “this is how it is!” and its AWESOME and it makes me happy when im down :)

(song: into your arms artist: the maine AHHHH FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
question time: how did i go from the greatest week of my life to sucksville??????
the past few days have sucked ass, btw. im not even gonna list everything, but im probably gonna submit some of it to fmylife.com so maybe youll read about it there.
THIS. SO. BLOWS!

song: Almost
artist: bowling for soup

song: punk rock 101
artist: bowling for soup.

i miss him! why does he have to live so far away??? i was talking to him on the phone today and my phone cut out because the reception on it sucks enough when im talking to someone in the same state as me, so of course if you talk to someone 600 miles away for almost an hour, it will cut out on you. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like `caffiene withdrawl when i go so long without hanging out with him, except ten zillion times worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after he moved away and we stopped talking for what seemed like forever but was actually 2 years, i was just like “SHIT!!!!!” for like a year and a half, (which is EXACTLY what i said the other day when i woke up to find that i was out of coffee) and then i got used to it, but now we’ve started talking again, and im just like “run away and move back here!!!!!! i MISS you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and theres no telling when ill see him in person again. it could be 1 year from now, it could be 10. BUT I WANT HIM BACK. RIGHT. NOW!
plus, theres the fact that hes a total yuppie now. when he answers the phone, he sounds like a TOTAL DWEEB and talks all carefully, like “i better not show much personality or else!” then a bit more into the conversation, he turns a little more into himself, but not completely. he really needs to move back to minneapolis. for his own good. :’( sad…

is draw. just take out a pencil, crank up the music, and draw, draw, draw. whatever i see when i close my eyes. whatever i think. whatever i want. just draw.
not so much to keep the pretty pictures. i normally give my drawings away. i just like to draw them. i like to see how they progress and make them perfect-well, my definition of perfect.
the thing is, i dont draw actual things. i wouldnt call it abstract either. i just draw what my hands want to draw. crazy ribbons and snakes, cartoons, shooting stars with song lyrics on them. words inside a thought bubble with a pretty background. funky letters. it doesnt matter. i dont have any goal, except draw. draw, draw, draw.
people say you cant be an artist unless you can flawlessly draw a person. or an animal. i think art is more about getting your emotions on a page. or a canvas. or a sculpture. whether it makes sense to others or not. it could be a way to vent. it could be to express happiness. it could be to just get away from everything else. or if youre around a ton of people, to escape in your own little world. it could be anything.
i hate when people say “i hate art.” dont they understand that everything is art???????? to escape art, you’d have to be living completely devoid of all 5 senses.
im done blogging for the night now. g’nite sanriotowners!

(read previous post if u dont understand the following post)
so i just spent like 2 hours in the shower trying to get all the bill off of me, and i found 3 of his hairs on my shoulder. ick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how to say “Fuck my life!” in various languages

spanish- ¡coja mi vida!
french- baisez ma vie !
italian- scopi la mia vita!
german- bumsen Sie mein Leben!
japanese- 私の生命と性交しなさい!

and thats all im doing today. i am now going to sleep and poss. dreaming about bill someday having some chick ALL OVER HIM who he doesnt like-like, just likes as a friend. sweet revenge.

ok so heres what happened.
i wuz hanging with the guy i like today. fun, right? amazing, correct? everything went perfectly and now im super happy? not quite.
so his parents said we had to bring someone else with us, so we bring our friend. lets call him “bill” so we went to the guy i likes house to watch a movie, and its like me in the middle with him and bill on either side of me, nice and evenly spaced out. then bill scoots over to me in a REALLY OBVIOUS way, and hes like almost sitting on me, and so i scoot over, and he follows. so bills squished up against me and im squished up against the guy i like and we’re all on one little corner of the couch.
THEN BILL PUTS HIS FRIKKIN ARM AROUND ME!!!!!!!!!
so i want to be like “dude. GET OFF OF ME!” but that’d be mean. so i just sort of shift as much away from him as possible without being obvious about it so its really awkward to have your arm around me, and after like two minutes that seemed waay longer he moves it, but hes STILL squished against me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love bill, but i dont LOVE him. JUST FRIENDS!!!!!! for me at least. so at last he leaves before we do, and i jump like 2 feet CUZ IM THAT SQUISHED and then hes gone. and so me and the guy i like talk for like ten seconds, then when the adults responsible for us find out that bill left, its like “its time to go!!!” so we do that. it was fun…sorta. im sorry, but it would be MUCH better if bill wasnt TOTALLY SQUISHED UP AGAINST ME THE WHOLE FRIKKIN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so then i try to call my best friend who happens to be a guy who moved away to colorado because this is the kind of thing i could go to him with and he could totally say something helpful and boost my confidence back up to “my life rocks!!!!! im awesome!!!!!! i can do anything!!!!!!!!!!” but, of course, he was watching a movie and said to call him back tomorrow before i could even say anything.
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
listening to my “im feeling FRUSTRATED so im channeling it elsewhere” playlist-lots of pink, lady gaga, etc. UURRGGHH!!!! i cant wait untill tomorrow when i can call my best friend and ask him what the hell i should do!!!!!!!!!