…I cry.

Uncontrollably.

But it makes me feel better, if only for a moment.

I had an absolutely awful, dreadful and unhappy NYE I have ever had. I originally wanted to go to Phillip’s party but after the ignoring from Matthew, which I still want to get to bottom of but I believe he isn’t going to talk to me again and I haven’t done anything wrong. I hate it. So that was out of the question. The plan ended up being going to my friends cousin Sophia’s house party we got there a bit early but it was okay. After we were going to go to London to watch the fireworks at the London Eye. Ended up getting there a bit later than expected, I ended up getting let go and lost in a mass of people while they were all crushing me to get a better view, I hate being short sometimes. I was meant to meet up with another friend to go to another party but she wouldn’t pick up her phone or anyone else that could be near her. I was walking up and down Bond and Oxford street ringing people. People who I thought was my friends who it turns out don’t even remember who I am. I decided to go home because I couldn’t be bothered to make this night any worse than it already was. What what made it worse was that another friend that invited me to do something with her called me to wish me Happy New Year, she sounded like she had a great time and was enjoying herself, I should’ve went with her. Also I only got two new years texts, that made me feel as if no one even cared. For a fact if I am in a London Uni next year I am staying in, but I really hope I am in Liverpool next year. Also I have properly discovered who I can trust to allow me to have a good time and who I can genuinely trust as a person and a friend and that would be myself and no one else. A sad revelation to come to at the beginning of a new year.

But, everyone have a great 2008.

�

For some unkwon reason everyone i’m talking is thinking I am becoming a different person and snapping back at them, when I am not doing anything different than usual.

To be honest, since starting college I have become more irritable. I don’t know why that is but no one seems to be taking any notice of that and just pushing over the edge to the point where they don’t like how I am anymore, it takes the piss.

�

Well today was that much different. Was meant to have my A2 drama performance today, but due to sound technical difficulties we couldn’t go on and our performance has been postponed till tomorrow. I have told people this, this is why am a little annoyed, nothing to do with them it’s just circumstance but it still doesn’t give any one the right to just be plain rude.

The best day in OCTOBER!
Today, I went to Watford to visit the HMV simple because…
HARRY & TOM from McFly were going to be there.
Sadly I had to go by myself because there was no one to go with, but it was amazing all the same.
I got to the signing desk thingy, but my vinyl down.
Harry was like: Are you alright?
Me being stupid, said really quietly: I’m okay.
OH, WELL
I was just overwhelmed.

Also he Karik added me on Facebook
And it says he is Single!

Simply a brilliant day
Nothing can ruin it

YAAY

The BEST day in September.
And before you get all excited about something amazing happening, it didnt.
Its just the little things.

Well theatre was good as always.
Mass went alright.
Biology…meh, it’s bio.
The free was looong tings. But within it someone called out the name of the alusive boy ‘tenneil’. [Hate that name stealer]
But the fun didnt happen untill workshop. Found out quite a few details about my new theatre group, had a good ol’ gossip.
Watched some Donnie Darko, in Psychology Film Club. Such a good club to be in.
Walking down the private road with Isaisah.
I FOUND A £. So AMAZING. lol
Well we missed the first bus, so I decided to go to the shop to spend my newly aquired £ but the bus came. But im so thankful because if I had spent my £ in that skanky over priced shop, I would have never gone into Wilkinson in Hayes Town. Where I got some 39p Skittles :]
And I saw my mate Russel, he still looks totally cute ^^
Now I know where he works MWHAahah.

And when I got home, my new Oyster card was there :]
Good Day Indeed.

^_______________________________________^

[P.S] I feel bad about not writing in this blog when I stared back college. There was another thing I was meant to write about and that was Matthew telling me that he is actally still in love with his last girlfriend. Telling me about how that is the reason that he is messing up his relationships. Of all the people in the world to tell, he told me. The one person that has felt the extent of his love for her and now because of him telling me that he just said that I am not as good as her and will never live up to the expectation of her. That just simply makes me feel ten times worse than him just saying that he missed sex. With sex its simply about that he cant waint that long, you never know what the future holds. But telling me that shows that I am not as good as her and that she will always hold the title of his perfect womam. No matter how many times he had told me that I am perfect and I have the best body and personality of all the girl he has dated. I will always be second best to her. I wish I didnt still like him so much.

Shalom,
well I havent slept at all.
Because I was up all night at Ryans partay.
The day in general was well funny and hilarous, drinking the night away before knowing our dreaded AS Level results.
Some drama happened I think with some people, but I was downstairs chatting about anime with the boys so whatever the girls were arguing about I had no clue?
And the reason I didnt sleep was because I was left downstairs with Gareth and John who were face/pillow raping me [not as nasty as you may think]
Well fun night though, haha.
The Next Day:Results Day

Well certain person got the time wrong and we ended up going to get our results like 1hr early when all the 2nd years will be getting theirs.
We all eventually got ours, I was dreading it I felt like I failed everything, but I got this:
B - Theatre
C - Psychology
D - Biology
U - Chemistry & Critical Thinking

I knew I was going to fail chemistry and Critical Thinking, that was obvious.
But im SO happy with my B and the rest, even though I would have prefered a C in biology but I passed so that is good enough for me.

Another entry into the blog, must want to talk alot.
Well thats the whole problem, I do want to talk. I want to be able to call up my best friend and talk about everything at anytime and they wont find my silly problems petty and just listen and make me laugh. But I dont have one, well she lives in Iran. I cant believe how much I miss her and miss calling her about nothing. Right now I have so many issues I want to explain to someone who will understand and let me rely on them, but its not that way. Im the person that is expected to be happy all the time and when im not no one knows what to do and just ignores it.
I really do hate it sometimes.

Today is the last day of my first year at college. Yay!

Heres hoping I get into second year…

Well anyway today was brill, hung out in Starbucks. Best place to be with your mates. Was in there for about 2 hours, with just one drink hehe. Eventually we moved, around Harrow and landed in B.K Lounge and saw Grandma Death. HA too funny. I am so happy I have met the people I have met at college they are amazing people and my college experience wouldnt be the same without them. I shouldnt stress over the people I am losing from high school, because my college friends top them. I also know my college mateage is for life, even when we all go to different uni’s.

Was alrighty.

Went to my mates end of year gig.
All those kids are so talented with their playing of many instruments. GRR

BUT to make it better they were cute.

I dnt think I have anything else to say on the matter.
Off to revise some biology for my AS Levels, I really hope I pass. I’m really worried about it now. :S