I’m gonna lay down, rest a while and then I’m gonna watch some tv and then go to sleep! I guess, I might stay up late and read my book. The book I’m reading is called A mind in Prison - the Memoir of a Son and Soldier of the Third Reich. It’s a great book.

So! I did it! I made the phonecall - I might have screwed it up in the end when she wished me a good holiday and I didn’t reply “you’re welcome” - but besides from that little mess up; I did it. I really did it and it felt so good!

I’m so proud over me now! I did that one thing I fear the most; the phonecall - and this was a planned phonecall and I was still scared - I don’t know if I’m gonna make it - to be able to call real companies but I did a testcall and that’s good enough for the moment.

Well, I’ve called like 3 times and she doesn’t pick up and at 12 she has lunch til 13 and now I’ll just have to wait I guess. Stupid thing. Well it’s not the end of the world if I don’t call - it was just a test-thing and I’ll explain everything (that I called but she never picked up the phone) when I’ll see her on monday. Perfect. Well, it’s not really my fault that she doesn’t pick up and I can’t make this test! Or is it my fault?

I mean,
monday; we had the meeting and decided about the phonecall and
tuseday; I tried to figure out what to say during the phonecall!
wednesday; made a manuscript of what I was supposed to say - daddy helped me!
thursday; called but she didn’t answer and then I gave up ’cause it was getting late
today; calling but she doesn’t answer!
Oh well, I’m gonna keep on calling, meanwhile you can give me a tip about a/several great book/s you’ve read!

BYE!

So, I called, put she didn’t answer. Almost just like yesterday. Well, I guess I’ll have to call and call and call until she picks up that damn phone. Ah, I’m a little bit annoyed now since I really wanna get this over with! My entire life circles around this particulare thing today - and probably the rest of the week.

I would like to thank you flowebunny for giving that excellent comment in a few posts below. That really put a reality too things! Thank you! I also thought that if people, I guess I’m mostly refering to Jews since it was more hell for them than for the soldiers. Well if they can come out alive from something like the Holacaust than I can make my stupid little phonecall.

 Now, I’m gonna make my phonecall.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to write a letter to … it would be a joy to be able to do something else than sitting here ALL day wondering where my life is going, wich path it’s choosing. I’m so lost these days I don’t know what to do - at all. Just wanna hide under my bed, write stories on toilette paper and never change my clothes, probably not even wash my hair - I know, it sounds very Rob Pattinson but I don’t care at all these days.

Anyone like to be my penpal?

I don’t even wanna think about that thing I was supposed to do today but later chose not to. I know it was kinda stupid but I just couldn’t. It’s a phonecall, I know, but that is one of the things I fear the most in this world. More than spiders, and I HATE spiders.

I can’t do it - I can barely call my mother when she’s at her job, I can barely call my dad on his cellphone and I can’t call the pizza-restaurant and order a pizza. I don’t konw what to do ’cause I fear it more than anything in this world and it shuts me down completely. I can’t move. I don’t wanna think about it anymore today.

Now I’m gonna write in my diary, put all of my emotions there and then close it. Close it and lock it! And tomorrow I’m gonna have to make that phonecall, I have no other choice. So tomorrow I promise you I will call her the first thing in the morning. Well, I decided for eleven am.

Wish me good luck tomorrow!
You’ll hear from me after the phonecall.

I have no idea how I’m supposed to make it through this week. There is one thing I have to do, one simple thing I fear the most; phonecalls! And I have to make one, just a pretend phonecall, but still, a phonecall. And I hate it and now I have this lump of fear in my heart - and I just want it to go away - can someone please say that everything will be okay?

I’m kind of fading away, the old Emma doesn’t live here anymore. She’s gone, possibly forever. I don’t know where she went, but I remember her clearly. She had a lot of dreams planted in her head, loved to write stories and create imaginary friends.

But I guess that she died along with the passing days. She’s no longer a citizen in my heart. Maybe she just traveled away for a moment, like a vacation, but I fear, somewhere deep inside my heart, that she died.

And now I’m so empty, lost. My dreams died, or I guess you could say that they fell down into a pile of nothingness, a pile of nothingness in my heart. It became a storm, a storm of questions I can’t answer. A battle I can’t win unless I answer the questions.

It’s been a very long time since I posted something here. Sometimes I catch myself wondering why. ‘Cause there are alot of things i’d like to say, to tell you. But yesterday I got thinking for real. I was thinking about famoue things from Sweden. So I decided to list 25 famous swedish things that people all over the world might know about. But I then decided to list 15 swedish famous people and then 10 famous companys/inventors. Anything you know/like/have something to say something about?

Here we go;
People;
 1. Astrid Lindgren (author) - has written Pippi Longstocking and many other childrens books - you know any? My favourite is probably The Brothers Lionheart.
2. Ingrid Bergman (actress) stared alongside Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca and she’s also the mother of Isabella Rossellini
3. Anita Ekberg (actress) - known for her role as Sylvia (the woman taking a dip in the Trevi Fountain) in the movie La Dolce Vita
4. Alexander Skarsgård (actor) - know for his role as Eric in True Blood
5. Alfred Nobel (the Noble price)
6. ABBA (music group) - starring Benny Andersson, Björn Ulvaeus, Anni-frid Lyngstad and Agnetha Fältskog, one of the most famous songs are “Mamma Mia”.
7. Roxette (duo) -Song ”It must have been love” from the Pretty Woman OST
8.  Lena Olin (actress) - Stared (spell?) in “Romeo is Bleeding” alongside Gary Oldman, “The Ninth Gate” alongside Johnny Depp, “Casanova” with co-stars Heath Ledger and Sienna Miller and she also appears in “The Reader” whit Ralph Fiennes and “Remember Me” starring Robert Pattinson.
9. Max van Sydow (actor) appeared as Father Lakester Merrin in the movie “The Exorcist”
10. Raoul Wallenberg (diplomat) - Raoul saved a lot of Jews during the Holacaust by giving them “protective passports” and creating “safe houses”. Raoul is also one of the 20th Cenutry’s most famous missing persons.
11. Lasse Hallström (film director) - directed movies like “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”, “The Cider House Rules”, ”Casanova” and the upcoming movie “Dear John”
12. Mini Anden (model and actress) - appeared in “The Proposal”, “My Best Friends Girl” and “Entourage”
13. Victoria Silvstedt (model and playmate of the year)
14. The Cardigans (song group)
15. Europe (band) - made the famous song “The Final Countdown”

Companies/inventions
1. IKEA
2. H&M
3.  Ericsson
4. Gustav Erik Pasch (inventor) - inventor of the safety match
5. Rune Elmqvist (inventor) - developed the first implantable pacemaker
6. SAAB
7. Volvo
8. Oriflame
9. Electrolux
10. Tetra Pak