Urgh, I’ve felt quite discouraged with many things lately… well not lately… it’s been going on for quite some time now. I guess I just try to ignore the bad things. I’m rather sick of sitting around waiting for stuff to change. Sooooooo I guess I should try to do whatever I can to change whatever is making me unhappy. Unfortunately it’s not going to be easy at all. I don’t have much control over everything that’s going wrong. I’m hoping if I try to set a bunch of small goals that will definitely increase my happiness level then I’ll be closer to achieving my larger goals. It will be difficult…. but I know I’ll get great satisfaction if I’m successful ^^. I’d like to see how much I can change things 3 months from now. I’d like to look back on all that time and feel I’ve accomplished what I’ve set out to do. So without further ado, my list of small goals for the next 3 months:

1. Drop like 15 lbs.
Holy crap I use to weigh 97 lbs. And now I’m up to like 115. disgraceful. I’m FAR from being as active as I once was. Dieting helps keep my weight stable but I lose nothing…. so basically I have to drop a lot of weight first and then keep on my diet to maintain the weight…. and still try to keep active XD. Again, I want to be as ungodly skinny as I once was. I don’t care too much about how unhealthy it may be. I must get down to my use-to-be-sexy weight…. and hopefully drop a bra size. C’s just aren’t my thing.

2. Draw you Bitch!
I use to draw everyday. I use to have a new CG picture up like 3 times a month. I spent hours on one piece till I was satisfied. And just as I started getting really good I just kind of stopped. Damn me ><! I still draw once and a while but I’d really like my art to be as important to me as it once was. I’d also like to work my way back into the pornographic genre. I enjoyed my smut T-T. I just never felt it looked good enough to display my really vulgar stuff. I must make more… and maybe finally share it with the world. Yay for porn, hooray for naked men!

3. Photography
I would spend hours setting up little photo shoots for me or my friends. So much fun ><!!! I haven’t whored in front of a camera for a while now XDDD. Probably goes hand in hand with me gaining weight. Self esteem issues, I just haven’t felt up to it T.T But I’d like to put my god camera to good use. Mainly lighting is such an issue. My old room had a sky light that just happen to allow the perfect amount of natural light in. Also was positioned so conveniently for setting up make-shift backgrounds and such. Now I’ll have to figure out new DIY bootleg lighting systems that make pictures not suck. I don’t care how good of a camera you have, a picture just fails without the proper lighting D:

4.Study Study Study
I’m amazed how much Japanese I’ve forgotten… and at the same time how much I can still remember. Song translations were really good at keeping me refreshed on everything I learned. I’m really like to do more of them and hopefully go through my textbooks once more as a good refresher. I actually got the opportunity to speak with an old Japanese couple at work a few weeks ago. I was able to keep up a conversation but I found it a little to difficult to feel comfortable with. Though they were surprised enough to find a little white girl in a pet store blurting out simple Japanese to explain about dog food, I’m sure I made a bunch of mistakes XDD.

5. Back to the promised lands!
It’s more of a long term goal (can’t be done in 3 months) but I’d like to start focusing on saving money once more so I can continue my study in Japan. Last year I planned on getting ready to go back by now. Money has just become such and issue after everything with me moving out and my mother in the hospital. I also really wanted Joe to come with me for the next round but we’ve both come to terms with the fact that it probably wouldn’t happen. I must stay focused though. FOCUSED!!! SAVE MONEY!!!! (after I’ve purchased my tripod and ML-L3 remote of course… and maybe a new SLR lens… *cough*)

I think my goals are pretty realistic. It’s been a rough year since last August. I got pretty off track with everything but at least now I’m trying to gather motivation to make things as I think they should be XD. I need to try and get Joe more involved in my goals as well. I need someone to yell at me every time I’m doing something that is not beneficial to my goals… like spending 3 hours playing FFX… or eating apple pie at 2 am. But… somethings may never change XDDD. I need to find balance.

YAY time for me to update on nothing going on XD. Actually I do have some good news. I kinda got a job ^^. And when I say “kinda” I mean the store isn’t actually open yet and I haven’t started training so I just feel like I shouldn’t say definitely XD. Buy anyway, yeah Petco finally called me last week and set up an interview. I had actually lost all hope at this point being that I applied so long ago T-T. BUT hooray for interview out of the blue. The whole interview process went well I think. They don’t care much about the color of my hair like my last job, and it’s ok if I just plug my piercing ^^. Thankfully they’re not uptight about small details like that -.- I do have to go shopping now though for normal looking clothes o_O. I need like…some crappy payless shoes and khaki pants XD. The training itself starts in a few weeks. They’re car pooling us all the way to Brooklyn o_O. Then we get to put together the store before it opens *glee*. BUT it pays $8.50 an hour starting, so I’m quite happy ^^. My Japan savings shall start immediately XD.
Also registered for classes again. Sociology and Psychology T-T. It’s part time though so don’t think it’ll really build up too much. Annnnd as soon as class starts we shall begin the process of once again getting my ass to Japan for July next year XD. Shouldn’t be so bad the second time around though. Since I’ve already submitted the professor recommendations and transcripts from last year I don’t have to do it again ^^. Just have to write a short little essay on why I’d like to go back. Annnd I’m dragging Joe with me this time XD. I really wouldn’t be able to go 6 months without him I think. He wanted to do the program anyway, he’ll just be staying an extra 3 months longer then originally planned. I’m sure we’ll also end up spending Christmas and new years in Tokyo as well. I really can’t wait till next year

YES! Harumi arrived in the mail yesterday! After only 3 weeks o_O too! I’m a psycho already about this doll…Liz and I took pictures T-T:




Oh yes…he is a sexy little boy XD! He’s waiting for Liz to get Natsuo now so they can take pretty pictures together ^^! …did some body say BDSM?! Muahahahahahaha! (Its so bad…).
So it’s kinda funny, he came with a little booklet of his series and little back stories on the dolls…apperantly the two dolls Liz and I ordered JUST HAPPEN to work for Satan collecting innocent souls in return for eternal youth…and are, in fact, Gay. I swear we didn’t plan it out that way XD.

Yeah…so its been quite a while since I’ve updated. Lost track of yet another blog T-T. It happens I suppose. I do in fact have a reason for attempting to start it back up though! I recieved my approval for registration yesterday for Japan! Hooray! So I’m 100% officially going now. Just have to fill out a ton of paper work and book the flight! Then I’ll be long gone in three months, bwahahahaha.
So, what does this have to do with me starting the blog back up besides my need to brag XD?! I do indeed plan on documenting my trip as much as possible. I think this will be the best way. I could throw it all up on livejournal or something….but I dispise livejournal….too many 16-year-olds. I’ll be buying my wonderfully expensive Nikon soon so I plan on posting a lot of pictures…it’ll be eaiser this way.
*sigh* so with most of the process almost complete I need only to study as much as I can in a short period of time….and lose like 10 lbs so I can fit into the clothes…cause their clothes are made for stick people and I haven’t been a stick since High school XD. Hooray stick clothes!
I did order some Sex Pot Revenge stuff for Christmas that I got in the mail yesterday ^^. And Liz bought me a Putumayo shirt for Christmas Kirill is now all mine Ivan soon so we may photograph both of them together in compromising positions…don’t judge me!

Thats about all for now I think…I’ll update if anything happens…maybe…

ok…so i’m having a very bad day today…

i woke up in terrible pain from the lower right side of my mouth…no idea wth is wrong with it…so i stagger downstairs to get some ice only to find the cats had knocked the bird cage over…and i had to clean it up while holding and icepack to my face and trying to fend off the cats that were trying to roll around in the mess. then i called my mother and had her set up an emergency appointment for me to go see the doctor again cause the pain was just too much. went to the doctor, he said everything looked fine and i don’t have dry socket thank god, but the stitches were probably too tight and causing the gum to irritate and swell and rip itself….so he removed them…all of them. my gums were healed enough on the inside that it was ok to take the stitches out but the outside still has a great deal of healing to do….i now have 4 gapping bloody holes in my mouth…and i’m constantly tasting blood which is making me feel very sick to my stomach. so i get home and discover i had one pain killer left till i get a refill later on tonight. i took it and called out of work today and tried calling joe a million times who never hears his phone. i finally gave up…and he called me later on at eleven. he was suppose to come over and “spend the day with me” after doing a few things for his dad. i was hungry…but decided to wait till he got to my house to cook something…so i just went upstairs to lay down while i waited for him…and hour later i fell asleep cause of the pain killer…and 3 hours later i woke up at a quarter after 3 and gave joe a call to see where the hell he is….turns out he blew me off to go to the movies and didn’t bother calling to let me know…needless to say that didn’t help my mood any….

so yeah….today pretty much was just a very sucky day…i wish i could go back to sleep…but my painkiller is wearing off and i can’t sleep with pain. thankfully my mother is getting home in like an hour so i can take it and pass out again.

on a lighter note, i found a really cute website that brought a little bit of joy to my day….cause i love cute things…..

http://www.anikaos.com

yes this is where i’m getting all the stupid little kaoani’s….but they’re so cute!!! and as of today everyone has their own designated kaoani set.

me:

Joe:

me and joe:

Liz:

Jess:

Andrew:

Andrea:

not sure about steve, casey or ant. lol i guess they could pick their own if they really wanted to XD.

yeah i’m done being stupid now…blessed be!

issue #1: my surgery

ok! sooo much to talk about. just got the surgery for my wisdom teeth yesterday…yay…it wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be though which is good XD. had to go in for 9 am. the stuff they were hooking me up to was kinda scary o_o. and the doctor was very creepy. but once i got that first shot of sodium penethol i went right out…and don’t remember a thing till someone was calling my name and i woke up feeling like not even a second had gone by. they walked me to the recovery room where i got to see my mother and joe ^^ and they were laughing at the way i was trying to talk cause my mouth was all stuffed with cotton and i was numbed up. the doctor said there were no complications with my surgery and my teeth came out easily with no difficulties and damage ^^. so yeah, after that i kinda couldn’t wait to get home. the doctor gave me a prescription for vicadin and an antibiotic. i wasn’t in any pain at all though…till the novicain wore off…and then…the pain was terribly unbearable…and i had to wait till my mother got back from doing laundry and picking up my prescription to take anything for the pain. in the mean time joe made me mashed potatoes to eat being that i need something in my stomach to take the pills with…or i’ll get sick. ha…eating in that much pain and with a mouth full of cotton is extreamly difficult. and anything i eat i have to swallow whole. no chewing allowed. so i ate and my mother came home and i took my pills and all was well. so I’ve basically been sleeping a lot and eating very little…i can see why the doctor said i might lose as much as 10lbs in the next 2 weeks or so…between how my mouth feels and the medication i really don’t feel like eating at all…i kinda just have to though XD. ah….SO i wanted to take some scary pictures of how my mouth looks right now..but its very bloody and the stitches are creepy and you can see a back hole in the back of my mouth on one side…might be too gory…and i have bruises around my face from whatever the doctor was doing during the surgery to keep my mouth open…but yeah…i don’t really want anyone seeing me like that XD…..so i took a few pictures of my left arm which has a huge bruise on it left by the IV they stuck in me. it hurts like a bitch o_o:

ha…yeah that’ll be there a while….

issue # 2: new art stuff!

I forgot to post up the new stuff i did a few days ago. work has given me lots of time to draw and motivates me to cg whenever i get the chance. i think I’m getting a lot better with my cg work now ^^. i have a new commission to do for someone and at least 2 or 3 other drawings i’m working on now that I’m hoping to color within the next 2 weeks. eh i’m just happy i’m being productive ^^.

Full View please ^^

issue # 3: the send manda to japan fund

i have recently been invited to go on a 2 week trip to japan with liz, rachel and one of rachels friends during the summer…needless to say i really really want to go! this trip would replace my otakon trip and would be a late 20th birthday present for me. but money is indeed and issue. so i am graciously asking my friends, fans, people who like me, whatever to contribute to my trip. i’m offering commissions, sewing projects, anything that is in my power to do in order to raise money T-T. and if i do get the money to go i will happily accept a list from anyone who has contributed who wants me to pick up something for them while i’m there. i’d need you to give me your own spending money for that of course (i promise i won’t lose it or spend it on myself XD) but i’d be happy to do it ^^. honestly at this point i do have enough money to go…but its the little i was able to save up for starting college…and i’m trying so hard not to give into temptation and use it T-T. so again..art commissions, sewing commissions, photography, web design, anything! every little bit counts! and no i’m not asking for handouts nor will i accept them. please contact me if you’d like to help ^^.

blessed be!