Urgh, I’ve felt quite discouraged with many things lately… well not lately… it’s been going on for quite some time now. I guess I just try to ignore the bad things. I’m rather sick of sitting around waiting for stuff to change. Sooooooo I guess I should try to do whatever I can to change whatever is making me unhappy. Unfortunately it’s not going to be easy at all. I don’t have much control over everything that’s going wrong. I’m hoping if I try to set a bunch of small goals that will definitely increase my happiness level then I’ll be closer to achieving my larger goals. It will be difficult…. but I know I’ll get great satisfaction if I’m successful ^^. I’d like to see how much I can change things 3 months from now. I’d like to look back on all that time and feel I’ve accomplished what I’ve set out to do. So without further ado, my list of small goals for the next 3 months:

1. Drop like 15 lbs.
Holy crap I use to weigh 97 lbs. And now I’m up to like 115. disgraceful. I’m FAR from being as active as I once was. Dieting helps keep my weight stable but I lose nothing…. so basically I have to drop a lot of weight first and then keep on my diet to maintain the weight…. and still try to keep active XD. Again, I want to be as ungodly skinny as I once was. I don’t care too much about how unhealthy it may be. I must get down to my use-to-be-sexy weight…. and hopefully drop a bra size. C’s just aren’t my thing.

2. Draw you Bitch!
I use to draw everyday. I use to have a new CG picture up like 3 times a month. I spent hours on one piece till I was satisfied. And just as I started getting really good I just kind of stopped. Damn me ><! I still draw once and a while but I’d really like my art to be as important to me as it once was. I’d also like to work my way back into the pornographic genre. I enjoyed my smut T-T. I just never felt it looked good enough to display my really vulgar stuff. I must make more… and maybe finally share it with the world. Yay for porn, hooray for naked men!

3. Photography
I would spend hours setting up little photo shoots for me or my friends. So much fun ><!!! I haven’t whored in front of a camera for a while now XDDD. Probably goes hand in hand with me gaining weight. Self esteem issues, I just haven’t felt up to it T.T But I’d like to put my god camera to good use. Mainly lighting is such an issue. My old room had a sky light that just happen to allow the perfect amount of natural light in. Also was positioned so conveniently for setting up make-shift backgrounds and such. Now I’ll have to figure out new DIY bootleg lighting systems that make pictures not suck. I don’t care how good of a camera you have, a picture just fails without the proper lighting D:

4.Study Study Study
I’m amazed how much Japanese I’ve forgotten… and at the same time how much I can still remember. Song translations were really good at keeping me refreshed on everything I learned. I’m really like to do more of them and hopefully go through my textbooks once more as a good refresher. I actually got the opportunity to speak with an old Japanese couple at work a few weeks ago. I was able to keep up a conversation but I found it a little to difficult to feel comfortable with. Though they were surprised enough to find a little white girl in a pet store blurting out simple Japanese to explain about dog food, I’m sure I made a bunch of mistakes XDD.

5. Back to the promised lands!
It’s more of a long term goal (can’t be done in 3 months) but I’d like to start focusing on saving money once more so I can continue my study in Japan. Last year I planned on getting ready to go back by now. Money has just become such and issue after everything with me moving out and my mother in the hospital. I also really wanted Joe to come with me for the next round but we’ve both come to terms with the fact that it probably wouldn’t happen. I must stay focused though. FOCUSED!!! SAVE MONEY!!!! (after I’ve purchased my tripod and ML-L3 remote of course… and maybe a new SLR lens… *cough*)

I think my goals are pretty realistic. It’s been a rough year since last August. I got pretty off track with everything but at least now I’m trying to gather motivation to make things as I think they should be XD. I need to try and get Joe more involved in my goals as well. I need someone to yell at me every time I’m doing something that is not beneficial to my goals… like spending 3 hours playing FFX… or eating apple pie at 2 am. But… somethings may never change XDDD. I need to find balance.

So here’s how it went down. June 10th was Joe and my anniversary so we wanted to go out and do something. Joe had the idea of going to point pleasant in New Jersey to spend the day at the beach. I really wasn’t too thrilled about it… as I’m not that much of an ocean fan strangely enough. But he reassured me if I just trust him we’ll have a good time. Sooo I went along with his stupid beach idea and sat in the car for like 40 minutes before I realized it didn’t seem like we were getting any closer to any type of shore. I was actually quite annoyed XD. Like 10 minutes later we turn into a parking lot in front of a store called “Bird Paradise”.
Just so happened that Joe was actually paying attention to the things I had been googleing over the past 2 weeks. I was considering getting a lovebird or a parrotlet as a little companion since we can’t have a dog or a cat… and while I love my fish and hamsters they’re just not all that into spending time with me XD. Sooo I was doing lots of research and had found the place (bird paradise) in NJ that sold hand fed parrotlets and I bookmarked the site. Stupid Joe had to go and surprise me with a trip to the store to pick out my new feathered baby ^^.
Holy crap the store was amazing. The store itself is like an acre or two in size and I think the largest on the east coast. You’re able to go into the “bird rooms” where you can pick out a bird and bring it into the lounge to play and decide if it’s the bird for you. Even if I wasn’t ready to buy a bird that day I could put a deposit down and visit him whenever I liked till it was time for him to come home. Seriously they must have had at least one of every type of parrot including the cute little parrotlets. We went through a few birds testing out the temperaments till I finally decided on Kiwi (named so simply because he’s small and green). He was the only one that didn’t bite even in the slightest… not like those little things actually hurt that much. We’ve had him 2 weeks now and he’s becoming more friendly everyday.

OMG he’s so cute. about 3-4 months old. He’ll never get more that an ounce or so XD. He’s learned to love head scratches and so far his favorite foods are blueberries and chilli peppers rofl. He’s more of a chicken that a parrotlet, he runs and hides in my hair whenever something scary comes along… like the refrigerator or Joe’s mother XDDDD. He gets his face all messy when he eats and then wipes his beak off on my arm. I’m trying to get him use to joining me in the shower but so far the noise gets him a little freaked out so just a spray bottle bath for now.

Today Christina came over with Lilu (lovebird) and Orion (conure) to play with Kiwi. We had like a small bird party XD. Little bastards spilled seed all over the floor and danced around for a few hours XDD.

He seemed to get along best with Lilu… probably because she’s not so big compared to Orion. She like took over his cage later on. He was doing these funny little territorial dances at her at first XDDD. He’d lift his wings and bob his head while making a car alarm sound lmao. She seemed unimpressed so he gave up after a while and just hid in his hut.

Over all fun day. I must have more bird parties, very entertaining.

I’m sure Kiwi will continue to dominate my blog with stupid cute pictures from here on every time he learns or does something new. *sigh* ah well. I think I’ll be good on the animals for a while (hopefully) unless I decide to get to get him a little girlfriend in the future…. *cough*

BTW Ayabie concert effen ruled <3.

End.

Yay, My birthday is finally here (sorta, april 22). I just remembered like 3 days ago XD.
I feel really old T-T. I know 22 isn’t all that old but I feel like I should still be in high school or something o.O. I’m still mistaken for a 16-year-old at work all the time XD. Not sure if it’s good or bad.
Somehow my birthday never quite goes as planned. I was hoping to go to the botanical gardens for hanami before the rush of people start flooding the place… but alas Joe has work T-T. And whats the point of viewing pretty cherry blossom trees if you can’t do it with the person you love *sob*. Ah well.

Might go buy new lip piercing stuff tomorrow then… and I’m sure I’ll be tempted to get a second hole in my lip XD. I’m just not sure if they can initially put an acrylic retainer in a new piercing as I can’t have metal in my face at work O_o. I shall ask though ^^. Happy birthday to me *puts hole in lip* hooray!
I was thinking maybe of a tattoo…. but that’s something I’d rather put a TON of thought into… well I have put a ton of thought into it but I’m just not sure what to start with XD.

Time for more fun pictures from work, hooray!

Finally go baby bearded dragons in at work. I want.

I like hams

Cute fat sleeping ham XD.

Yuh, Ima loser with my cute animal pictures XD. Might as well get some sort of enjoyment out of my work I suppose. Should just own my own pet shop! Perhaps one day (*cough*the betta bowl NYC*cough*).

Lastly for tonight, I have a new song obsession. “want want want” by 12012. I thought the song was really pretty at first but then I started some slight lyric comprehension that got me interested enough to go look them up. Now I’m in love. Beautiful song both musically and lyrically. Really some how reminds me of The Cure o.O. and we all know how much of a huge closet Cure fan I am :D. Robert Smith = much Jrock inspiration FYI :P.

Download: 12012-want-want-want

Night!

Here I go, forgetting I have a blog again T-T. Oh the shame!

Soooo since my last update I have received my other fishie without any problems ^^. Kinda just took me a while before I could get any pictures of her though… (which I finally got my camera charger back so I can take pretty pictures again <3). Sooo picture of Moon:

All white, very pretty and she has a boyfriend on the way rofl…. two in fact. I really want fish babies ><. I WILL get them! I was going to set up a practice spawn between two of my crowntails… but for all the trouble it’s worth I might as well just wait and breed the higher quality fish. I have two 20 gallon tanks on the way as well… neither of which I have to pay for :D. Should make very good grow out tanks. I like free stuff!

Other than fish, I finally got all of my furniture and clothes moved over to Joe’s house. It’ll be nice to have more that one pair of shoes now XD. And the weather is getting so much nicer I can wear a lot of my naoto stuff around and be frilly XD. My friend Pete picked me up a bunch of stuff while he was visiting Rocky in Japan. Closet child = awesome. I only wish they’d ship to the US.

Next month is the sakura matsuri in the Brooklyn botanical gardens. Really can’t wait ^^. I’ll finally get to wear my yukata with the cute fishies on it (that I didn’t have to sew myself this time around XD). Pete said Yero should be coming up for this round… and Radhika might come as well. Seems almost like a small KCP reunion <3. Just need to drag Rocky and Max over from Chicago and we’re about set! Not until way after that fact that I realize how much I miss my little “Japanese” family.

Lastly I bought tickets for Ayabie’s “world tour” thingy… Hooray Aoi! Not much to say on that at the moment XD.

Urmm…. Seems to be about it for now. I lead a boring life T-T.

Hooray for posting! Well I’ve had quite a busy weekend ^^. Birthday, Wedding and Easter all in a row! By now it’s really taken it out of me -.-

Friday it was Joe’s cousin’s 30th so I was somewhat obligated to attend her surprise party after I got out of work (at effen 9:30 T-T). Really… I didn’t plan on drinking… with a wedding the next day it didn’t seem like a smart move. BUT I tend to ignore proper logic when it comes to situations like this and ended up getting completely wasted. Fun fun ^^! I blame most of it on Joe. Very rarely do I get to go out and have a good time with him so no regrets on taking the opportunity… Until the massive headache I suffered the next day T-T.
NOTE: Don’t get drunk before a wedding. I had to get up early, take lots of Tylenol and re-dye/bleach my hair within the small time frame of one hour before the entire house hold rushed to shower. Some how I was able to accomplish everything with more than enough time to spare… but still an effen head ache. My hair is sexy now ^^.

Soooo with my crazy new head and dressed up in my usual funeral black for every special and happy occasion I suffered through a night of horribly cheese music, old ladies staring at me, drunken relatives, and my inability to even enjoy the free high class food with my hangover still lingering. Seriously one of the cheesiest weddings I’ve ever been too though. They played no music that extended beyond 1995, it was driving me crazy. Makes me realize how picky and difficult finding a DJ will be for my wedding… which is still years away so I won’t bother with the details now ^^. Definitely the only really awesome thing was the venetian hour. Chocolate fountains, waffles and ice cream, cotton candy, crepes… everything o.o it was all pretty too ^^.

Annnnd the next day was not only easter…. but I had work as well T-T. I really didn’t think people would be rushing out to Petco on easter Sunday but apparently I was wrong. I guess easter sunday seems like a good time to start up a freshwater aquarium to a lot of people. I was completely beat by the end of the night… and I missed out on HAM D:!! Ham is the only reason I “celebrate” easter. That and the chocolate bunnies that the easter bunny *cough*Joe*cough* never brings so I have to gout out to CVS the day after and get them on clearance XD.

Sooo in short my weekend sucked and I learned many valuable lessons:
1. Don’t get hammered the day before a wedding where you will be getting hammered again.
2. Any day is a good day to buy a pet fish! No matter how inconvenient and illogical it may be.
3. Don’t count on the easter bunny to bring you chocolate after the age of like 10, the sad sucky truth T-T.

w00t. So just thought I’d post a happy little random update thingy. Ummmmmm So we took a trip to Kamakura last weekend. Tons of fun, I’ll have pictures once I recieve my camera wire in the mail -.-
We went to a bunch of temples and stayed in a Yokan. The Yokan was awesome. Public bath and everything :P. We saw the statue of the Great Buddha and also took a small day trip to Enoshima (the miami beach of Japan *rolls eyes*). Again, tons of crazy pictures of awesome stuff….but must wait for my camera wire to arrive so I may upload T-T.
Sooo this week in Japan is Golden week! Which means lots of sales and tons of people everywhere….and lots of time off of school. We have off tomorrow (monday) and then thursday through sunday. I’m sure you could expect I’ll do a lot of shopping (and drinking XD) with my time off. On saturday I discovered the cracked out fun of going to Karaoke and getting drunk…I never understood the amusement in such a thing…until now. Probably do it again tonight…:D

Oh…and happy birthday to me btw XD. April 22…almost forgot my own birthday.

oook….soo on october 29th me and joe and liz are having a halloween party!!! games and food and prizes and a costume contest and stuff like that. the theme is ninja pirate! you are required to dress up or you will be provided with some kind of a costume weather you like it or not >< its a halloween party..dress up!! party starts at 8 pm. please call joe or email me or leave a comment or whatever if you would like to come!  invitation:

ok…soooo..got back from otakon yesterday ^^!!!hehehehe it was a lot of fun ^^! so heres how it went

on Wednesday, we all went to stop and shop to go food shopping for the weekend. it was me liz and joe, and andrew tagged along. we bought a bunch of junk and make up XD! then we went back to joes house, andrew left, shaggy came over. we were sleeping over joe’s house that night…and we got hungry around 12 so we all packed into the car and drove to wendy’s for food. then to bed where liz kept me up all night with throwing moogles at my head.

next day we got up at like 8, got dressed and stuff really quick and packed up shaggy’s mini van with a ton of stuff. finally got going at around 9:30 i think. drive wasn’t very long, only took like 3 hours to get from here to baltimore o_o. so yeah, we got an early check in around 1 which was cool. the hotel room was doomed the minute we steped foot in it. our stuff was all over the place and looked like a complete mess XD! we went out after that for the registration which didn’t start till like 5 so we wasted some more time going into the discovery channel store and playing with things. then we set out to the convention center where a nice long line awaited us in 90 degree weather!! we were online for about 4 hours befor the doors opened. it was kinda fun though. there was a snake from MGS or something handing out water, and joe and shaggy brought the radio so we could play and listen to jrock online and some dumb ass kid started dancing to kagrra XD. anyway, yeah once the doors opened things went quickly. after we were so tired we just went back to the hotel and passed out for the rest of the day.

on FRIDAY the con opened at like 8:30. got ready and left the hotel by about 8:30 or so to go make twinkie sushi (aka sushi…made out of twinkies of all things o_o.) it was kinda fun…and kinda retarded XD. then we went to a video game programing workshop which was kinda fun…but pretty boring in the long run. some guy was trying to show us how to make a simple game using code…he kept fucking up though…and it was funny…but yeah really stupid so we left. we had a lot of time to waste till the next workshop thingy. we were gonna go to a “how to draw hentai” workshop at 9 and then go see bible black at 12 XD. so to waste time we went to the dealers room where i proceeded to spend lots and lots of money. mostly at the j-pop house table on jrock posters and cd’s and then on these grab bag thingy’s that had a TON of cool crap in them. then i went off in search of cool stuff to buy people…yeah spent a ton of money on that T-T. then i bought cute little things for my kitties ^^. after spending so much money urg..we went back to the hotel and had lunch. then after a nap i felt better and we went to the artist ally where i finally got to meet vember ^^. he was very nice, i was looking forward to it. then i bought some more stuff there like a cute hat and a katamari cellphone keychain thing XD. we actually spent a lot of time there o_o. so yeah after that we ate dinner ( it think…) and joe and i left to go to the how to draw hentai thing, liz was tired so she stayed at the hotel, and shaggy went to the video game thingy. when we got to the workshop room it said the “how to draw hentai” was moved till tomorrow night…so yeah with nothing to do we just went back to the hotel again…i took a shower…and went to bed.

 next day we dressed up all cute and loli-goth ^^!! hehehe it was so much fun. i couldn’t wait to finally wear my cute skirt XD! so yeah, we went to the con all loli-goth and took a few pictures. lots of other people were taking pictures too…probably because we were the most authenic looking loli-goths there…all the others were either wearing the same 2 dresses from hot topic or had nice dresses with NO PETICOAT! fucking dumbasses i sware…SO! joe and i went to a cell painting class which was fun while liz went to her RO meeting and shaggy went back to the game room to kick some ass in guilty gear XD. cell painting was fun..didn’t get to finish though T-T. then we met up with shaggy who signed joe up for the smash brothers competition…and i realized i didn’t have my con badge…so joe went to go look for it back and the cell painting class. along the way i met back up with liz who bumped into alicia. then we met back up with joe who got me a temporary pass thingy till i found mine. then joe went back to the gaming room for the competition while liz and i went back to the artist ally to check out more katamari stuff and so vember could see our loli-goth dresses ^^. then we met up with joe and shaggy and went back to the hotel to change. and then made reservations at a japanese restaurant called kawasaki. we went there for 6:30 only to discover they had no table ready for us so we had to wait another 30 minutes…then when we finally got our table we had to wait another 10 minutes just to get some menus…then we order and don’t get our food for like another hour and they bring out shaggy’s food before anything else so he was done way a head of us and just had to sit there. then we get our soup which was really good…but we asked for spoons twice and never got them…and then we finally get our food and joe gets his appetizer with the food o_o. the food wasn’t even that good for the price…then we wait another hour for the check and got the hell out of there…cause it effen sucked…eh. so afterdinner we went to the “how to draw hentai” workshop FINALLY which was again pushed back till 10…but it was so fucking funny XD!! i’ll definitly go back to that again next year XDD!! it was great! then we went back to the hotel..and we were still hungry…so we tried looking up places that were open late and delivered…with no suck luck, so poor joe and shaggy had to walk to the only 24 hour place to get us some food….then we ate and i passed out again.

on SUNDAY there really wasn’t much to do. we packed everything up and cleaned the hotel room cause it was the biggest fucking mess ever!! then we went to the con one last time to go back to the dealers room to do some last minute money wasting XD! joe bought another sword…and then we went to BK for food before leaving. the trip back took like 5 hours T-T…i got a little car sick -___-. i was really glad to be home though. joe and i ordered in some food and passed out in my room XD. and i slept today till like 3 in the afternoon due to lack of sleep all weekend. i lost 2 lbs from it though XD and i love all the cute stuff i got and all my jrock posters lol and we have a really cool idea for a group cosplay next year that i can’t wait for XD!!

so yeah…pictures:

twinkie sushi!!

me in a hallwak…hallway…XDD!!

manda and liz all loli-goth ^^

manda loli-goth ^^!!

vember and his my little pony pants…XD!!

look how happy liz is ^^.

doing gackt nyu nyu cat dance thingy XD, proud tradition at otakon

panda seal and tofu plushie

weee…panda seal…

and that concludes my otakon weekend…*dies*

blessed be