Really nothing new. Working as usually. Progress on everything is slow… but still progressing! Can’t complain I suppose. Some how I can’t sleep right now soooo I figured I’d waste time here till I’m sleepy.
Yay, I have pictures to post! Pictures are always fun ^^.
I’d been meaning to post up this one of Kiwi in the shower for quite some time now… cause he’s all ugly looking and cute when he’s wet XDDD.

BIG BEAK!!! Seriously, smaller than a parakeet but has a much larger beak. ?????????????

Annnnnd I said I was drawing… So here’s my proof:

Alas, I have no scanner right now… So I had to take a crappy looking picture and try to adjust the contrast in photoshop so it could actually be visible instead of washed-out looking. I feel so helpless without my usual array of computer necessities.. such as an effen scanner… I’d love to redraw this, then scan it and clean it in photoshop and maybe splash some color on… but no, I fail right now. And It’ll be MONTHS before I can afford my Cintiq tablet… On top of that stupid Joe went and spent/loaned about $200 of the $350 I had saved. I should have known better than to let him hold on to my money… *sigh*
Drawing BTW is inspired from an image I saw somewhere of 176BIZ last week. No idea which member it is. I managed to draw a small scale draft of the basic pose and some key clothing points. The image I had though was REALLY tiny so no idea how accurate it is to the actual photograph. I then made this larger sketch based off of my small draft (which is hiding under my headphones on the right). I should try and look for the original image in a larger version to see how it compares… too lazy though… I hate scan sites T-T.

Yay! Picture time is over!
Yeah, stupid and short *just like me*

Well it’s been a rough week… but I’m feeling a lot better. I think I’ve been making some small amount of progress this week which has improved my mood overall.
I ended up working like 7 days in a row, Friday through Thursday, and I think I’ve become sick again because of it. I have a cold or something that has been causing my head to be so clogged up I have such a headache. I did get like one hour of overtime in though so I should be getting another good paycheck next week. Can’t wait XD. So updates on progress:

1. Drop like 15 lbs. progress -
Well since I’ve been working so much I’ve been extremely active… not to mention I’m so worn out I don’t have much of an appetite. I can list everything I’ve eaten and the amount over the past week because it really hasn’t been much at all. I’ve now gone down like 2 lbs. I’m sure I won’t keep up 2 lbs a week but if I can lose like 1 lb a week I think it would be a healthy enough amount in a healthy amount of time…. so like 4-5 lbs a month… so in like 3 months I should be good XD. I know if I drop weight to fast (like my 20lbs in Japan) it’ll just come right back. Joe and I also bought Wii fit so maybe that’ll do something XD.

2. Draw you Bitch! progress -
So I have been trying to draw a little bit but mainly I haven’t had much time. It’s at least on my mind and I’m trying to take the opportunities to do so. I’ve also started saving up for my Wacom Cintiq tablet ^^. I know if I had one I’d want to use it all the time. Would make drawing a lot easier since I can just do it right on the computer. Ever since I tried out Jess’s I’ve wanted one so bad XD. $999 though, I know I’m gonna find it hard to fork over the money once I’ve saved like $1000 XD. Joe is very supportive of me getting it though, really helps a lot “I want to see you draw more again, I know it make you happy.” I wuv my Joe <3. He’s making me put away an extra $350 for it this month T-T. Very difficult.

3. Photography Progress -
YAY Joe bought me a tripod (finally). I just always procrastinated about buying one. Since my little photo shoot for Christina though I’ve realized it would help a lot. I got too use to photographing mainly myself in my old room that had god-like natural lighting and perfect angles… in which I didn’t need a tripod (would have still helped) so I guess I just never invested in one. BUT now that will no longer be an issue. The thing expands up to 6 feet tall o_O. I also ordered the remote for my Nikon. Will make self portraits much easier and also help with my lighting issues. I still need to invest in a good lighting system but for now if the camera is still mounted and I don’t even have to touch it to take a picture then I can adjust the shutter and iso to compensate for lack of good light without worry of the picture turning out too blurry cause of movement… Yay!

4. Study Study Study progress -
Not much here. I find myself trying to read the packaging of the Hikari fish food at work, that’s really it XD. Again lack of time.

5. Back to the promised lands! progress -
Well there is hope for Japan in the future. If I can just save up some money and hopefully wipe out my credit card bill this year XD. My mother also said once she’s more settled she’d like to help send me back if that’s really what makes me happy. I could still only go for like 3 months at a time bacause of Joe and work (limited leave of absence) but even if I could go back just one more time it’d be worth it to me. I guess we’ll see how that works out.

Again, progress makes me happy ^^. I hate to speak too soon but I do feel like maybe things are starting to turn around a little bit. It’s relieving. Joe has really been helping with a lot of it. His support and encouragement make a big difference, not to mention I need someone to kick me in the ass once and a while to do things XD. Our relationship has been better than ever and that alone makes me really happy :D.

Urgh, I’ve felt quite discouraged with many things lately… well not lately… it’s been going on for quite some time now. I guess I just try to ignore the bad things. I’m rather sick of sitting around waiting for stuff to change. Sooooooo I guess I should try to do whatever I can to change whatever is making me unhappy. Unfortunately it’s not going to be easy at all. I don’t have much control over everything that’s going wrong. I’m hoping if I try to set a bunch of small goals that will definitely increase my happiness level then I’ll be closer to achieving my larger goals. It will be difficult…. but I know I’ll get great satisfaction if I’m successful ^^. I’d like to see how much I can change things 3 months from now. I’d like to look back on all that time and feel I’ve accomplished what I’ve set out to do. So without further ado, my list of small goals for the next 3 months:

1. Drop like 15 lbs.
Holy crap I use to weigh 97 lbs. And now I’m up to like 115. disgraceful. I’m FAR from being as active as I once was. Dieting helps keep my weight stable but I lose nothing…. so basically I have to drop a lot of weight first and then keep on my diet to maintain the weight…. and still try to keep active XD. Again, I want to be as ungodly skinny as I once was. I don’t care too much about how unhealthy it may be. I must get down to my use-to-be-sexy weight…. and hopefully drop a bra size. C’s just aren’t my thing.

2. Draw you Bitch!
I use to draw everyday. I use to have a new CG picture up like 3 times a month. I spent hours on one piece till I was satisfied. And just as I started getting really good I just kind of stopped. Damn me ><! I still draw once and a while but I’d really like my art to be as important to me as it once was. I’d also like to work my way back into the pornographic genre. I enjoyed my smut T-T. I just never felt it looked good enough to display my really vulgar stuff. I must make more… and maybe finally share it with the world. Yay for porn, hooray for naked men!

3. Photography
I would spend hours setting up little photo shoots for me or my friends. So much fun ><!!! I haven’t whored in front of a camera for a while now XDDD. Probably goes hand in hand with me gaining weight. Self esteem issues, I just haven’t felt up to it T.T But I’d like to put my god camera to good use. Mainly lighting is such an issue. My old room had a sky light that just happen to allow the perfect amount of natural light in. Also was positioned so conveniently for setting up make-shift backgrounds and such. Now I’ll have to figure out new DIY bootleg lighting systems that make pictures not suck. I don’t care how good of a camera you have, a picture just fails without the proper lighting D:

4.Study Study Study
I’m amazed how much Japanese I’ve forgotten… and at the same time how much I can still remember. Song translations were really good at keeping me refreshed on everything I learned. I’m really like to do more of them and hopefully go through my textbooks once more as a good refresher. I actually got the opportunity to speak with an old Japanese couple at work a few weeks ago. I was able to keep up a conversation but I found it a little to difficult to feel comfortable with. Though they were surprised enough to find a little white girl in a pet store blurting out simple Japanese to explain about dog food, I’m sure I made a bunch of mistakes XDD.

5. Back to the promised lands!
It’s more of a long term goal (can’t be done in 3 months) but I’d like to start focusing on saving money once more so I can continue my study in Japan. Last year I planned on getting ready to go back by now. Money has just become such and issue after everything with me moving out and my mother in the hospital. I also really wanted Joe to come with me for the next round but we’ve both come to terms with the fact that it probably wouldn’t happen. I must stay focused though. FOCUSED!!! SAVE MONEY!!!! (after I’ve purchased my tripod and ML-L3 remote of course… and maybe a new SLR lens… *cough*)

I think my goals are pretty realistic. It’s been a rough year since last August. I got pretty off track with everything but at least now I’m trying to gather motivation to make things as I think they should be XD. I need to try and get Joe more involved in my goals as well. I need someone to yell at me every time I’m doing something that is not beneficial to my goals… like spending 3 hours playing FFX… or eating apple pie at 2 am. But… somethings may never change XDDD. I need to find balance.