In the least, inebriation gave way to assuage him from his past mistakes, his life, Lily… People erred from time to time, even the almighty Dumbledore (despite what some deluded people might think), but to go from making a string of mistakes to another like him required an exceptional level of retardation.

He felt disgusted with his weakness. Great, Snape!, he chided himself. First, Lily, then a stupid overrated tattoo that you never really stop paying for, serving one manipulative master to another. And now, you think you… you, he recoiled from that foolish, offending word, fancy Granger!!! He covered his face in his hands, thoroughly mortified by the inward confession.

Did he? Had he really developed any feelings other than seven years’ worth of supreme annoyance toward the girl? Oh of course, it had probably started during all those time in Grimmauld Place. Despite Severus’ grievances, Dumbledore had once again proved that common sense had left him by allowing the Golden Trio to come to the Order meetings.

Throughout these meetings, Miss Granger had been in decidedly gloomier moods than usual, looking slightly out of place amongst the merriment of Order members. No more incessant questions and haughty looks of self-satisfaction. The matter became clearer in several weeks, when one rainy day, Miss Granger’s peers were chatting animatedly with each other, seemingly oblivious of her and other Order members engaged in similar conversations. She pretended to scribble notes on her parchment but Severus knew better. She looked too distraught and a little bit sad. Soon, she sensed someone was watching and looked up to find him staring. He looked away.

As a muggle-born, she would feel the sense of never truly belonging in the Wizarding World, wherein Potter and Weasley were too dense to see the difference in their supposed best friend. Severus could relate. It must have been difficult to fit in. He too, had been forever trapped in the middle, treated like a dirt in the Dark side, and with constant suspicion in the Light, never to be genuinely welcomed by either.

Afterwards, the fact that not only had he noticed but he also came to care about Miss Granger’s emotional welfare was positively distressing. Worst, there had been an insane urge inside him that wanted to let her know: he noticed.

But what about Lily?, he mentally protested. He had loved her wretchedly, he knew that as much. If his feeling had been anything but, certainly it would have ceased to exist as soon as she married his archnemesis. It had not. Even though utterly stricken, he had eventually come to terms with it and wished for her happiness, even if he constantly resented the fact that it had to be Potter. He recalled that once they had both despised the guts of Potter and his minions, but people changed. Lily went to form friendships with them while putting an end to hers and Severus’.

He had bitterly come to understand that the filthy boy from Spinner’s End, too poor, too dark, too broken inside to pretend to be anything but, would always be undeserving of Lily Evans, the epitome of goodness. It was unfair to ask Lily to see him beyond all that inconsolable qualities. Yet, he had loved her still. Always have, always will and all that crap.

Severus Snape had spent the better part of his adult life hell-bent on battling this sickening, crippling emotion called Feeling. Twenty years later and then it decided to dissipate, just like that?? Worse, that the object of his affection now changed to Granger? He flat out refused to believe it. Severus took a flask to his mouth and gulped down another shot of firewhisky. His throat burnt.

There was a way to find out. He raised his wand and after pondering somewhat distractedly, muttered, ‘Expecto Patronum!’

The doe appeared before him, illuminating the room with its soft light. In a way, he observed, it wasn’t quite the same doe he had been used to seeing for more than two decades. This doe was not quite as graceful, not quite as lustrous, not as pretty. He was bedazzled by its inexplicable beauty nonetheless.

Instead of the familiar soundless steps, the doe paced around the glass table in nervous fashion. Then she looked pointedly into his black eyes, as if determined to start a starring competition.

How unlike Lily. His stomach lurched a little as Severus remembered precisely who this little doe reminded him of… Several moments passed before she raised her hand to meet his but stopped short just before touching. Utterly baffled by the silent gesture, however, he let his fingers brushed ever so slightly with the tip of her tiny ones, careful not to pass through it.

Her wide eyes fluttered happily and she glowed even brighter. She stepped away lightly across the table and started to fade, but not before turning back to gave him one last sweet, silvery smile. In the depressing darkness that engulfed the room once more, Severus Snape closed his eyes and cursed.

.

.

-The Shrieking Shack-

Severus Snape saw Death coming. This was it. He would die a useless death. Alone. How ironic. After forever dreading of the day his covert identity would be blown out, he’d be killed over some tale about a wand, his double-spying still safe. He laughed at the ever perversity of the universe, never one to let him think his strings of bad luck had ended. Yet, when his demise had seemed so final, it was the pain of betrayal that stung. Albus, how could you? He blanched as he thought about the reason of The Dark Lord’s action.

This was his trap, he realised. Albus had known that as soon the Dark Lord learnt that Severus was the master of the wand, the spy would be disposed. By Nagini, no less. His mentor had failed to give him this information, and why should he? Albus Dumbledore had never expected Snape to survive the battle.

Would it have been better if he had been AK-ed instead, Severus thought, at least save him from this slow, torturing messy affair that Dumbledore had once dreaded? Of course, Severus knew better that he was not the true master of the wand. Albus was. And Voldermort was now off with a wand that was definitely an ordinary wand. Somehow, Albus’ scheme had worked its magic again. Too bad, the old man hadn’t calculated that Severus might die before passing the Horcruxes’ information to Potter.

His trembled fingers tried to stanch the bleeding with little success. The floor seemed to shook beneath him, or was that his body trembling? He could not be certain. As he wondered about this, several figure appeared, stepping out of the previously empty corner. From his blurry vision, he saw that it was Potter. Granger was not far behind him, her beautiful face deathly white, for once speechless.

Severus’ mind was racing. Potter… Dumbledore’s order… His last chance to finish the task assigned to him… With what little energy Nagini’s venom had yet to overtook, Severus reached out for the boy, clinging to him as he attempted desperately to pick out the information essential to defeat the Dark Lord. Forget the pain, forget the pain, he chanted to himself, forcing himself to concentrate. His motivation, his true allegiance and the things about Horcruxes that Dumbledore had confided to him… There were things he did not wish for anyone, least of all Potter, to witness, but his control failed him miserably and those too, flowed out. The memories spurted out of everywhere until at last they stopped.

Severus thought he could no longer bleed until the pain mercifully ceased. Coldness started to creep up to him, coldness that had nothing to do with the icy air. Now that his death was fast approaching, he let himself think of nicer, less bleak memories from the times when he secretly allowed himself to dream of future. His future. Granger.

There was always a strong denial inside of him when it concerned Granger, no, Hermione. In his mind, she had been Hermione for a long time. Did he really love her, if not as much, then perhaps close to what he had felt for Lily? He had to know this one last thing. His voice was strangled and hoarse but Potter seemed to understand his request. Severus heard Hermione’s muffled gasp at his selfish dying wish. She knew.

The boy with his mother’s eyes that had forever haunted Severus’ dreams however, did not seem to notice. He fixed Severus a long, penetrating gaze.

Emerald green.

Potter’s eyes were wrong. His eyes were all wrong. The color, the shape… not chocolate-brown, not round with fluttery lashes.

And in that infinitesimal second, with horrified realization that came too little too late, Severus Snape knew the answer to his question. He choked out, ‘Hermione!’.

But as he felt life being sucked out of his body, no voice came, and everything turned black.

One of the kitchen showrooms in IKEA.
I suppose the only bad thing of having IKEA conveniently located (convenient for them big Swedish moneymakers) is that you end up IKEAnizing your home by day, then thinking of more IKEAnizing by night. Just look at how many times the word IKEA shows up in this entry. Sigh. Not that I complain, but when one is making negative $ XXX a month, every one expects her to put every negative dollar into good uses =PP

The perks of being a frequent IKEA-goer, however are picture-explanatory.

Me and my awesome new rug, among other things.

I’ve also found the softest, yummiest cake ever baked in the world, probably!

Princess cake from IKEA food. I tell ya, its existence alone should have qualified as a crime… of passion.

TED MOSBY’S IKEA FUN FACT NO 1:

The name IKEA derived from the combination of initials of the founder’s name with his home village: Ingvar Kamprad, Elmtaryd Agunnaryd.

Swedish people, and to my knowledge, Malaysians and Indonesians pronounce it as EE-KEH-AH or IKEYA, whereas for Americans and Edward Norton, it is eye-kee-uh. Naturally since it is a Swedish company, the first is correct. (However, ever since I watched Fight Club, I have taken to adopt the American style :* )

First off, reminder to future -hopefully smarter- self: using Indonesian time when you are in Malaysia is never a wise idea, duh. I set my phone alarm for 5 A.M. and woke up technically at 5 in Indonesia but it was already 6 in Malay.

Anyway, an hour preparation and 40 minute ride later, my bro and I managed to arrive *just barely* on time. The ceremony was not to begin until 9.30. My dad went back to the hotel to pick up my mom, brother and grandparents. The arrangement was quite sensible, so how they came only 15 minutes after my brother and I went on stage was beyond me.

After replaying the scenes in my head, I decided that these were when it had gone wrong:

1. Back in the hotel, with one thing led to another, they needed two cars instead of one and called a cab (not going into details but I’m still SO very mad about that, not to my famiLy of course, but to… certain outsiders).

2. Traffic police suddenly decided there should be a jam to busy themselves with when my dad was heading back to KL. Closed one part of the road for no reason and cars started making a long line.

3. Cab driver thought he knew the shortcut to Nilai, and brought my grandparents and my mum to … nowhere.

4. Out of panic, dad forgot to change into his tux in the hotel, LOL, hence no posting pic with him in his plain black shirt.

The time was:

9.30 | My mum called to tell they were trapped in the middle of traffic. Would call my brother as soon as they arrived.

10.00 | Chatting up with diLa while the Oxford Brookes vice president gave her speech. Hope her speech continued forever.

10.25 | Okay, I *was* nervous. They had not arrived yet, and it was almost my turn to go up to the stage. Shot hopeful looks on my brother. He shook his head.

10.30 | My legs were moving on its own accord to the stage. GOD GOD GOD. And then, I was on stage (I always have stage fright) and no, I was not nervous. I just… couldn’t feel my legs!! I felt like hovering,, muttering vague ‘thanks’ to the Vice President, held up my scroll and… I was supposed to pose for the camera. Now, I couldn’t remember which cameraman to look at O_O; Oh, dear.

10.32 | Back to my own seat again, thinking what sucked more than your family not being there on your graduation day? o(╥﹏╥)o Well, if in the official picture I turned out to sport closed eyes / wandering glances/ weird facial expression, then I’d cry.

But, enough about the not-so-nice part. In the end, I did enjoy the day very much.

(*≧▽≦)♪

My LBD ~little black dress~, which did not do much as it was concealed beneath the robe for the rest of the day ~~~~(つ¯ ³¯)つ

But I love me some heart-shaped shawl ❤

View from the canteen.

I’m gonna miss this mini garden plot!!


✿bro and sis✿

Yes, even with my high heels, my mum is that much taller. Talk about what does not run in family lol. Well, we have established that I have the shortest pair of legs in the world, and shortest arms too, for that matter (that’s why my hoodies and long-sleeves never fit, cries).

Ehh, sometimes -when we’re not trying to kill each other, that is- I do love my bro. This was one of those times.

Ima, me, Andy, and Ikung : )

The day after at the hotel lobby. Considering the price, Grand Millennium hotel was mediocre at best (shout out to Tingal: The Traders is the bestttt!!!) tho’ I loved the fact that Pavilion plaza is right next to GM ♥

Me, my best friend diLa and.. some random dude *ε* (LOL SRY, LEX)

With my Malaysian classmate, Ara~~

Merci Beaucoup!~

Ⓢ steffi : )

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is a 45 minutes online musical created by Josh Whedon (Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse). The three acts of the minisode premiered online for free on the 15th, 17th and 19th of July and was taken down at Sunday, 20th. Downloads are now available at iTunes store.

The Story

Billy aka Dr. Horrible -played by the legendary Neil Patrick Harris (WOO)- is a supposedly evil scientist, who in his attempt to get recognised by the Evil League of Evil (ELE), often ends up getting beaten up by the town’s hero, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion).

Billy believes that by being evil, he could rule the world with Penny (Felicia Day), a girl from the laundromat he fell in love with.

Short Review

Though I *may* be biased when it comes to NPH, Dr. Horrible is without a doubt, one of the most amazing musicals I’ve seen in a long time. With its catchy songs, Neil’s lovable voice and the quirky story, the musical has gained huge success overnight that the official site crashed down on the first day and became the top tv show downloads on iTunes this whole week. It has also generated an active cult following from LJ communities and Youtube.

WATCH ONLINE

Act I: http://www.whedontube.com/item/4QRP98RTN2673K31

Act II: http://www.whedontube.com/item/8TKMZPX8SDYLB9BQ

Act III: http://www.whedontube.com/item/G7NKF6JFY8Y5NZPS

My favorite songs
Dr. Horrible

all dividers from Stef.

♥__♥

I’m curious about this movie because ‘Journey’ is said to be the first live-action 3D adventure film that is supported by Real D Cinema technology. Sounds like a massive use of green screen and CGI to me. And that, I like!! (*≧▽≦)

xoxo,
steffi vermouth strawberu le swan (Loooooooool…)

Breaking Dawn marks the final book written in Bella Swan’s perspective. The planned companion book, Midnight Sun, will be written in Edward Cullen’s point of view.

The huge success of the star-crossed love story between a vampire and a human, has led to the upcoming movie adaption, Twilight. Robert Pattison (Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter) portrays the ageless vampire, Edward, and Kristen Stewart as Bella. The movie is to premiere on December 12 this year.

In moment of desperation of waiting for the book, here’s my accidental vampire picture in which I did look a little… blood thirsty o.O

Vampire material?

No?

My favorite book amongst the three is New Moon, but I love Twilight’s cover better. In fact, I loved it so much that once I considered buying the book merely for the sexy cover, but changed my mind as soon as I noticed it was 500 pages thick :[ I would rather listen to 16 hours audiobook, thank you very much.

Gah, 24 days, 5 hours, and 28 minutes…. 15 seconds and 032 miliseconds to August 2, 2008!

Anyway, I posted what few pictures that I actually have for now, and edit later.

First and not least, Donny the puppy. He was too tiny and cute and loud for a dog his size, but he made me miss my own mini pinscher, Alvy, so much! =[

My gown. A little too bride-ish, Y/Y? I sure got asked that alot =|

I love the rose corsage!!!

I don’t know about other parties, but prior to this day, I had never been to any ballroom party with a magic show. It turned out pretty cool though. This Malaysian guy pulled out like 6 umbrellas from his sleeves, shrinking cards to 7 times their original size, and made them flew all over across the room, one of which flew straight to my head.

Yup, I kept the card!

Don’t you just feel a little sorry for the singer who was probably the only person to follow the dress code? Not to mention , he sang in that outfit in front of what appeared to be 1300 guests, some of their baby sitters and all of their children and grandchildren =_=

In a sorta unrelated but also related note, you can see the back of my grandma and grandpa in this picture hehe.

My lovely cousins and I: Alice, Natasya, Steffanny and Sherin.

Yups, heavy make-up does not look becoming on me. I also have a hate hate relationship with blitz. Gah, I dread the day when the family album is finished,, if ever, if I have something to do with that =P

Part of the driver, Alice, and me!! I miss her so much!!

Okay, that’s all. Now you would have to wait for my uncle’s wife’s sister (dunno what to rly call her) to upload the rest of the pictures. I hope soonish (I know I have way overused the word ’soonish’ ever since Dr. Shepherd said to O’Malley, ‘You love her, soonish?’ haha)

A visual treat for chuuu!! :D

P.S. I shall not be held responsible for any side effect of the consumption of this virtual, if somewhat delicious, image.

P.P.S. I have a good lawyer.

xoxo,

Thanks Jocy~

Credit to some photos to Sherin~

Read the story here.

http://www.waterstoneswys.com

Got to go. Will be back on Monday. I have height phobia so wish me a non-bumpy flight! =P

A Hello Kitty make-up bag in pink.

Found it in a recent Thailand -wait for it-…… Cultural Expo!!! Lol, HK is just ubiquitous. Someone tell me how is it that George Bush, and not her, who rules the world?

My Teddy make-up bag is jealous of the new Kitty and asked to be featured as well. I have no power to say no. She is from Germany.