every single thing on this earth will change…weather…technology…fashion…n even people… talking about people changing… yesterday, i just realise all my net fren starting to change…they hardly talk to me… hmm…i really dont know what i did to them… mayb i too irritating n annoying… so da best way is, dont talk to them too…lol… n i delete all of them in my fren list…. hmm…mayb that;s da best way… da questions is…. do they really change? or i change? or i think too much? anyway… whatever da answer is…i just wish them all da best in their life… n i gonna live just the way i am…

last time when i was little girl…i really hate my life….i always ask y i’m ugly….poor…. and more… i never stop asking  why, why, why,why? i was so jealous when i look at my frenz…they r so rich n pretty…and they have everything they want or wish… i always blame the god y i was born in this family and i wish my fren parents were mine….. lol…. little girl thought….. after time goes by….now….. everything seems already change!!(must b somekind of trick by david copperfield) hahaha…. my life r better now….i get everything i want n wish….. and now i’m wondering is it really happen? or i just dreaming? (when i pinch myself, it;s really hurt) wake up!!! is true… ur life had change now….. but this time…. there r something different….i never ask ‘why’ anymore…..

it’s becoz i began to realize what the meaning of ‘contentment’…2years ago… me n my friend went to a place…buddhist center… coz we heard some people said that that place really nice….so, me n my fren was curious about it n went to that place…. that place kinda nice….not really nice…just normal….. then we had meditation there….after the meditation, we will share anything n disscuss it together….then,,,there is a guy… he began to share his experience when he meet a quite well known monk…so he tell us back about what the monk told him…. the monk keep mention a phrase ‘is okey….just be content’….after the disscusion end….we went home… but my brain still stuck with that phrase…i keep thinking about it… ‘is okey…just be content’…. after 2years…now…. i begin to understand that phrase…. actually my life when i was little girl and now… is just the same…. nothing had change… i’m not getting richer like bill gates or prettier than miss universe or be the most popular girls in my schools or what… there is some tiny thing change, i gain weight n etc…. but…there r not big things change….  what’s da different is… the word ‘contentment’ exist in my life…. i began to be contentment now… it really make my life better and more happy….. lastly……  “CONTENTMENT IS THE HIGHEST HAPPINESS”…

p/s :  it’s kinda difficult to understand what i write here right? some tips for u….just think of the phrase deeply and apply it in ur life… and u will understand it…and u will find out ur life better,more happy and u will take more wise action in anything u do… trust me…. i been through this… it really works… *smile*

i think my mum head gonna xplode….coz her friend problem….my mum doesnt wanna get involved in her family problem…but doono how my mum involve in….my mum fren wanna divorce with her husband…n her husband doesnt agree… but…the worse thing is…her husband accuse that my mum is the one who ask his wife to divorce with him and destroy their family coz my mum the most closest with her…. my goodness…. what a man…. hahahaha…sound kinda silly rite? he doesnt want to blame himself n put the blame on my mum….. so…. since that… he keep following his wife(my mum fren) to everywhere she go…..and hit his own wife!!!  until whenever their kids saw him, their kids will run to their mum coz they too afraid n worry he gonna hit their mum(my mum fren) in front of their children!! i think their children already phobia of their own dad…. gosh…..what kind of man is that? he doesnt want to divorce so he hit his wife….. i dont want to bother about that…  but there’s one thing really make me happy…. although my parents already seperated(not officially divorce),but both of them still talk to each other like a fren….n no arguement between them…(much much better than my mum fren)… although my parents seperation make me kinda upset…. but in the bottom of my heart.. i really proud of them… and i love them forever…..they r the best parents in this world!!

i got my car license in end of april…now already october…so it means i already drive for 6month….hehehe…feel like i’m already good in driving…so i always like to speed when i drive (like i;m rushing to the loo)although i’m not in hurry….one day…when i wanna speed..there is an old car infront of me….that car was in the right lane(fast lane)..and that car moves so slow….i try to cut that car n go infront of it….but i couldnt! that car keep blocking me! i was so pist off!! i was scolding n swearing that car(stupid).. ergh! i couldnt wait anymore then i honk that car so damn loud!!! after some time.. finally that car go to the left lane(slow lane)… then i pass that car…. oh my good……. is an old man drove that car…. really old… he must be very shock by that loud honk..luckily he didnt get heart attack…he continue drive slowly…. gosh…. i felt so bad for honk him so loud…. i really sorry for that honk…. i shouldn’t honk him…. since that, whenever i wanna honk a car, i make sure the driver is youngster…. hehehe… god bless that old man….

yesterday nite my tears coming out again…just a few drop….after i think about things happen in my life, frens, family,school, and love….!@#$%!@#$  i really feel wanna cry out loud…to relief all my stress….. really really loud cry until i gasping for air while sobbing n until cry until i tired….. i need a person to hug and share n i wanna cry like that…….  anyone can give me a big hug????

ok…today i not gonna wirte so much…there is someone who leave comment that i wrote too long…yea…i agree that too….nah…just forget about that….today i wanna talk about guyssssssss………hahaha…i saw quite alot of gals that their life ruinned by guy……one of them is my mum fren…her cut her hand flesh with a knife becoz a guy wanna leave her coz of other woman….oh my goodness!! that must be really painful rite? i cant imagine that…..scary!!!  and recently…my mum customer(a lady)…she wanna sucide(becoz her bf break up with her) by eating rat poison….luckily that time my mum saw her n quickly bring her to hospital….thank god….she still alive…….

wow…. i began to think guy really have their own power right? guys really can effect a gal life…… so, from that on….i told myself to stay away from guys(coz nowadays lots of playboy out there)…..and….being single is the best(for now)….of course not single forever…i hope that there is a really nice n sincere guy come in to my life…well…everything depend on my fate luck… so…. i just cross my finger,hoping there is a mr.right waiting for me out there… hehe…. *winks*

p/s: is it too long? sorry ya….

last time when i was still a little kid…i was so happy whenever my mum ask me to plug her grey hair….mayb it is something very interesting for me when i was little….me n my brother will pluck my mum grey hair….hahaha… but recently…my mum ask me to pluck off her grey hair…. so i did what she said…i pluck her grey hair… there is one thing i began to realize…..my mum grey hair is getting more compare with last time……her skin getting wrinkles….my mum is getting older…she work so hard to earn a living for me n my brother..my dad? (fuh! i dont know which word to describe my dad) until now…my mum still working very hard to give me n my bro better life….

i still remember….last time, when i was little gal…i always feel very ashamed of my self…i went to school with an old car….really old car….while others went to school with mercedes….big cars….when my parents pick me up(with old car),i always bend down my head n quickly get into the car n hiding…..coz i dont want my fren to see….and when my fren ask what my parents work as,i always trying to escape from them…avoid from answer their questions…..mayb that time i still little n doest know how hard my parents work from day to nite….although our condition was quite poor that time,but there is one thing that never fade….is happiness…. we really happy that time although we were quite poor that time…..

but now….when i think back of the past….i really miss that moment….i really hope everything gonna be da sama like last time…i dont mind of being poor anymore…..i just want my family to be happy like last time…now…as my age grow older….i began to learn to appreciate things….and being poor is not an embaressing thing….ergh!!! i dont know y i felt ashamed with myself when i was little girl……….my mom work so hard to earn a living….i should appreciate what  i have at that moment…..

now…my parents already separated…they live separately….gosh…i miss that moment so badly…….what i trying to said here….dun feel ashamed of urself although u r poor becoz there r lots more ppl who r more poor than u….money is not everything….the most important is happiness….well…i’m really happy of what i am now(although not rich)i dont care what the fucking ppl wanna say about me…..n i promise myself to take a good care of my mum…..coz she is the best mum in the world….i wanna say sorry n hope she forgive me for any mistake that i had done…i was too childish last time…..now…i bare in my mind that i must take a good care of her…U R THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!! I LOVE U 4EVER,MOM!!

first of all..i really wanna say a big thanks for those who read my blog and left a comment…thank you again….at least there r someone out there read my blog n i’m not just talking alone to da screen infront of me….hehehe….i always online in mirc as usual…n there r thousand (mayb not)of different ppl that i talk before….when i chat with an older person…they always said that i’m very young (i admit that n i agree)..but there’s one thing that i disagree….they said ’so nice to be young coz youngster doesnt have any problem…no stress or tension’…well..there is a story i wanna share here….i had a fren who work as kids caunselor….she told me there is a little gal…5years old….last time this girl use to b active,talkative,happy,mix all her fren…….but after afew month…this girl change….she became the other side…quiet,not mixing around with her fren…so..they decided to bring her to see a counselor (my fren)….so,my fren started to talk with her….she doesnt wanna talk….mayb my fren is a stranger to that little girl…..then my fren started to bring some toy n play with her….after play with her for sometime…finally that little gak spoke to my fren, “sis…my house really noisy…my brain have fever…but now my brain already recover after i came here…no more fever”….my fren told me that actually this little gal came from a problem family…her parents always quarrel……gosh…i hold my breath for awhile…her brain got fever?(this little gal use the word fever instead of strees…she doesnt know the word stress yet) my goodness……can u guys imagine that even 5years old little gal also have stress? ‘brain fever’?….oh ya….there is another story my aunt told me…she read on the newspaper….she say there is a boy (around 10years old) sucide?? becoz he always bullied by his classmate…… i was like shouting “what?!!10years old already know what is sucide??” (wow….kids nowadays really freak me out!) so….what i wanna say here…kids knows what is stress/tension…. and….for all parents in this world….pls concern more about ur kids….never ever fight infront of them n always ask ur kids about them with their friend and schools…..well…and for those who have siblings…always concern each other….. no one want the same thing (like that little gal n little boy )happend to ur kids,siblings,cousin, or frens… right?

my mum fren said that i look like 14 coz from the way i talk i dun look like big gal…..(what??!!! 14???my goodness) well….actually i can act like an adult….but i dont want….coz i think it is better to b a children than adult….children r so innocent n their thinking r much more simple….whereas adult thinking r so complicated….y ppl wanna think so complicated?didnt it bring u headache??y dont think more simple which can make ur life more easy n simple?? well…that’s what life mean rite? SIMPLE LIFE….like everyone always say so…. ppl always say, u already an adult now, try to think like an adult and dont be childish anymore…y ppl wanna put their age as a gap to think like a children? i;m not asking u guys to behave like a children….what i mean here, thinks simple like a children…..be positive….children thinking always positive..while adult thinks complicated n negatively…dont u agree that? *winks*

yesterday nite just finish chatting with my fren at 1am…he ask me go to sleep coz i need to wake up earlier the next day…i told him i couldnt sleep….he answer me back ‘how u gonna sleep if u r not lying on the bed?’.. i think of what he said…quite true…then i decided to sleep…..it’s already 2.30am..i cant close my eyes yet….slowly…..my tears began to drop….hehe….i really hate when i’m alone…coz i will think of my past….that’s y i like to waste my time surfing the net till 5am or do something till i really damn tired n yawn  for thousand times…till i really really really felt tired…then i only go to bed…coz it make me more easy to sleep….if not i wont be sleeping….i will think of all those nonsense…cry…hahaha…gosh….i really hate to b alone….hmm…i know i have to learn to let go thing….. last time i use to do meditation….to learn how to let thing go…..yeah..it really help me alot….at least i’m getting better than last time…..i still remember…last time i only slept for 2hour 1 day…..gosh…kinda crazy rite? (mayb not for some ppl,but kinda crazy for me) thank god….i’m getting better now….but i still haunt by my past…..hurm….i guess it gonna ‘haunt’ me forever….hehe…. i really hope n wish 1day someone could remove the ‘past’ out of my brain….perhaps….god? LOL……