The past few days (week, *cough**cough*) have been strangely uneventful.
I went to a craft fair with my mom on Saturday. Lauren was going to come with us but her aunt was taking her to get her nails done or something…which I can’t really protest. I would’ve rather got my nails done then walk up and down those crowded old lady isles that reek of corn cakes, Lady Speed Stick, and that weird smell of wet wood. The one thing I really liked I did not end up getting.
It was this long, driftwood-colored vanity mirror. The mirror wasn’t all that, it was kind of cloudy and old, but it made it so much more alluring to me. So old, and antique-like. I wanted to picture myself in it, but for some reason, I could not see my reflection.
Well, I mean I saw a girl who looked somewhat like me. The same blonde hair and grey shirt, overall the same. Only I would notice a difference.
But I saw it.My face looked different; it looked more perfect, and angular, compared to its usual lopsided round. It was almost too perfect, and my skin was deathly pail. It looked like I had died or something. My cheeks were neither rosy nor pink, just an off white. My hair looked brittle, and overall I looked older, frailer…My eyes were different too. They looked deeper, glassier to me. And they were no longer hazel, or green or brown. They were slowly etching their way to black. Just like the color of coal. The image kind of scared me and I can still see it when I think hard. Maybe it was just the lighting, but the thought of me being so /different/ really scares me. I mean I didn’t even recognize me, I had to look around and make sure my biological twin wasn’t standing right next to me, and I was seeing her instead of myself. That seemed much more logical at the time. As much as my reflection scared me, I really wanted that mirror. It felt so…magical to me. My hands are shaking thinking of it. Yet somehow I cannot imagine that, image of evil in my room, all the time.
The rest was somewhat of a drag, because I kept wondering if people were looking at me, because I was so pail, and empty, and my eyes were so black. I was so frail and skinny, but no one seemed to notice as they bumped passed me.
For a moment I wondered if I was dead, a wandering spirit or something. That would explain the reflection, and why it seemed like no one could see me. Every time I passed that mirror, I waited for the evil picture to return, but soon my color returned, and my eyes changed back to their normal color. I looked like myself again, but my heart quickened.
I couldn’t really explain why but it just scared me for some reason.
It was a really weird moment for me.
The night followed with a weird dream.
I was tied up and I was in a boat. The sky was dark but there was no rain. Someone I knew, but couldn’t recognize at the time, grabbed me and threw me overboard. I couldn’t swim and I drowned. I woke up and there was someone chasing me, and I was 18, and this little girl who looked just like an 8-year-old me was following me. I jumped a fence and began falling. I fell with a thump. I was in this world where everything was white. But for some reason I knew just what to do. There were about 8 people sitting at a table. I covered 6 of them with a white cloth and sprinkled salt on their heads and they vanished. 2 were left, but I didn’t want them to go. One was a lady, she looked like a queen (she was wearing a big colorful dress and a crown) and her skin was like a rainbow, and the second was a little boy who could barely see above the table. “Can I trust you?” I asked both of them. The 8-year-old me, I realized, was following me at this point, she said her name was Alice. “Of course, sweetheart” the queen lady said. And she handed me a bag filled with money ($52, for some reason I really remember that number) and she pointed me to this big stage over an empty auditorium. Alice followed me. We went to the stage. There was a drum set onstage so I started drumming and Alice began to sing. After a while the queen said, “that’s enough.” Next to her was a boy, a beautiful boy. Jasper he said his name was. (funny, both Alice and Jasper are characters in a book I’m reading) The little boy from the table still hid timidly behind the queen’s leg. A man came out from behind the auditorium (I cant remember his exact name but it was an So I believe, funny because there aren’t many So names, it was something weird like Soothe or something) “that’ll be $52” he said. I got kind of mad but I gave him the money. I looked to the queen, and suddenly I was in my patio, there was a weird black staircase so I followed it down to the darkness. Someone was chasing me, I could hear the footsteps. Suddenly I fell onto a bridge. Alice was still with me. I saw a gondola going passed the river under me and me and Alice jumped in. “Chloe, for you,” Soothe (or whatever) began as I stood up in the boat. “For you I would do anything.” He paused as if to use words to measure his love for me. “For you, I’d tie myself up and throw myself into this river.” He said.
Suddenly I was struck with love. I don’t really remember what really happened after that, but next thing I knew I was jumping, tied up back into the river, but this time I wanted to. Soothe jumped in after me (now I was watching this like a movie) but he couldn’t get my body in time and I drowned again. Suddenly
Alice transformed. She was a beautiful brunette with pixie short hair (just like in my book) and she began explaining why I died and why I committed suicide, like somehow she knew. Then her, Jasper, Soothe and the Queen all jumped over a fence. Suddenly an image of Nick P.’s face filled my entire head, expanding till it nearly hurt. That’s when I realized the little boy at the table, and the man who threw me overboard in the beginning of my dream were both Nick. I think I may have realized this in the subconscious part of my mind, the part that might have been half awake. I woke up and I was in a hospital, just as white as the mystery world. And the doctor standing over me, it was Soothe. I do basically remember that he had light brown hair and green eyes, and that’s all I can recall about his appearance. My heart nearly burst (in my dream that is).
And then I woke up.
I tried to fall back asleep and go back to Soothe because I really liked him, but the sleep after that was dreamless.Kind of a weird dream if you ask me. And by no means pleasant…I have no idea /what/ I was thinking before I went to sleep (if after all your dreams are what you think about before you sleep)
My mom tried to analyze it. She said Alice was my “secret wish to be young again”, the fact that I was 18 was “my fear of growing older”, the fence was “the wall I feel like I am facing,”, the boat was “my insecurity” and when I made everyone disappear at the table it shows my “rebel against authority”, Soothe was “my yearning for adventure”, the hospital was “my fear of getting hurt” and she thought the whole Nick thing was “just weird”.
Of course I edited some parts of my dream for her so she wouldn’t think I was crazy (like the suicide part, or how someone kept following me, or how Nick threw me overboard and I drowned twice…)
It’s kind of funny, because I was just telling Courtney not long ago that I wanted to die by drowning, because I think it would be peaceful. Ironic almost…
So it was a pretty weird day for me, that mirror thing combined with the dream really threw me over the top. Well, if you’re up for trying to analyze my dream, I’d really like to hear your ideas. This dream is the most curious I’ve had in quite a while…
Add to del.icio.us
Digg this!
